Saturday, August 27, 2005

Beautiful Day

Strength of symbolism is really important. How often do people write entire stories that are evolved from total symbolism, but are still good? It can be argued that everything ever written is symbolic in some way, even if it isn’t intended to be. After all, it just doesn’t seem to be possible for anything we put out to not come from within somehow, redirected from somewhere. People seem to be nodes to me. But maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps somewhere there is a true creative spirit.

A lot of what I want to write about is the internal struggle of the soul against stagnation in an environment that offers no real spiritual challenges, where happiness is ultimately achieved through the loss of everything they feel worthwhile. I look around at the works that touch people the most. It’s clear I’m not the only one.

I’m going to start posting story ideas every time I have one.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Illuminated Thoughts

Well, I went to see the Brothers Grimm with Mike, Tara, Marcia, and Jackson. It was an enjoyable enough movie. I was shocked to get a couple of electrifying moments out of it, despite a disappointing ending. My favorite part: The Evil Pillsbury Dough Boy. It was just good to spend some time with friends. Got to talk about all kinds of things. Most of the previews were really bad. All but a couple were “based on a true story”. Aeon Flux looked really cool, though. I want to see that. But maybe it’s just my infatuation with the Illuminati talking.

I have exposed another soul to the Principia Discordia and the secret that absolutely all things are true. Deep truths reside in everything. In ways that only a total lack of respect for the subject matter can reveal. Which is perfect for me, having never respected anything in my life, it is right up my alley. Along with hearts, moons, stars, clovers, horseshoes, pots of gold, rainbows and red balloons there are plenty of treasures to be had from eating whatever you please on any day of the week, even if you are a Fenderson and carefully studying perls of wisdom.

Anyway, sometime in the next few days, I will begin work on a new story that’s been brewing inside of me, if it hasn’t slipped away completely, because right now I can’t remember it at all. Maybe it was going to be a series of short stories… Le Sigh, I should have written it down at least.

I still want to write about my funeral home, but there was something else that I wanted to write about really badly that I thought was really cool. Oh well, it will come to me later, and if it doesn’t, something new will, and it will brew inside.

I found this amusing:  Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Bad Man

Google Talk is pretty cool. There’s no really right way to emphasize how unimpressive it is though. Yahoo is much nicer, we both agree, but when I told Mike he got really mad at me and told me I should uninstall it. Then he started barking and I think I heard some ancient Latin that sounded really threatening while his head started spinning.

Feelings... and Feints

I love beaches. The vastness of the ocean before me acts as a reflection within me. Somehow looking out to the curved edge of the world lets me feel the same depth within me. I can imagine that I would shed a tear looking out over that right now. I like being afraid of small things. I don’t like being afraid of hurting people, or of being hurt by people.

I like to think about other people. I can tell you a total stranger’s entire life story. I’ll look at them, and in their face I will see their childhood, their pains, the lives and deaths they’ve witnessed. Sometime I can see them dying years later, and it’s like watching a flower wilt. I may be right, I may be wrong, I may get bits and pieces right or wrong, but I get a feeling. So why am I afraid to look inside myself? Why does it hurt to ask myself why I do things? What drives me? What keeps me in the same place? What makes me cry when I’m sad, or cry out when I experience great joy?

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the type of person I wanted to be. In a lot of ways I am. What I’m not, mostly I’m on the right track for. But there are some things that just make me feel like I’m not what I wanted to be. Maybe I didn’t know what I wanted to be; maybe I just had a dream. But aren’t dreams one of the most powerful messengers of the psyche.

I like cheese.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Heat Stroke, oh Joy

Today was distinctly unpleasant. It started off well, Alan picked me up, and it looked like I might be on time or only a little late for work, then he let me drive there myself in his car, then the rear right tire blew out at 12:20 on I10 East bound. Of course absolutely no one could help me. I was stranded. Heat, and not enough gas to leave the car running, chuck was finally able to arrive at 2, and then he took the tire to Wal-Mart to be replaced under the warranty. It took them over an hour to fix the tire. Somehow having a customer stranded in the heat of the highway to keep from getting towed does not grant any kind of priority whatsoever, no matter how simple the problem.

Worse, my right contact fell out. Right into the sand, making it un-wearable. If I had water with me, I could have cleaned it off, but scratch that. So I threw it away. And the other one was disposed of after I got to work because of the headache that disjointed vision was causing me.

By the time I got to work, about 3:20, I was sunburned, my head hurt, and I did not smell fresh. I spent the next several hours coping, cooling off, telling people my story, but otherwise enjoying myself and getting to know my puppy, who I named Clair, and who can sit down, roll over, lay down, and who has won her first Frisbee championship.

*Enjoys the sweet, sweet feel of fresh A/C as I finish typing *

Tomorrow can only be better.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Fried Trucks Jubilee

Well, my eye is feeling better now, when I first got to work, the contact in it was driving me crazy and hurting really bad. This weekend was a mixed bag. Friday night was okay, very relaxing. Saturday was very good, Mike was kind enough to drive me all the way out to have a look at the Ford Ranger of a friend of his father’s. He wants 2500, Kelly blue book says it’s worth 1230, I think that perhaps a fair price can be found somewhere between the two. Later in the evening I spent time with George, and his girl along with Mike, Justin, Cym, and Jackson as I cooked fried bananas and fried apples. The apples were fried in cinnamon batter, and the bananas were drizzled with a cherry rum sauce that I set fire to, and it glowed a very pretty blue. Served with mint leaves and ice cream, the whole thing was delicious and fun. Cym had told me prior to eating one of each that she did not like that style of food, but then enjoyed it so much she had her own bowl, which I considered to be the best compliment of the evening.

Much time was spent on Sunday working on my comprehensive project for Web Design I. I started it on Friday night, and was too busy Saturday to get much done, so it didn’t get turned in till 1 past 12 in the ay em last night. I made 170 out of 200 points for the whole thing. I think she was very kind in grading it and only taking 10 points off for lateness. I think this will leave me with an A for the overall course. Or at least a high b. Thing is, I don’t think it makes a different if it’s a high or a low b. All the same, I did my best, and I expect similar results from Digital Imaging I.

Most of Saturday, and the chunk of it that kept me from going to Kayla’s party was the horrid vehicle swapping that was forced early in the afternoon by my mom who suddenly decided not to get it done on Saturday evening. On the plus side, I did get to spend some time with my dad talking and chatting, and mom took me to Taqueria Arandas, which ended up being VERY awesome. Their burritos are incredible.

Yeah, Kingdom of Loathing is awesome.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Blogging Away In MS Word

This should be very cool, I cannot believe someone has actually made a plugin for word that lets me post to without working through a web browser and constantly worrying about crashes for long posts.
I may find myself posting more often, considering how easy it is to just fire up word, type out a few paragraphs or pages and then pop onto blogger. In fact, with national novel writing month creeping up on us in November, I believe this may give me the edge I need to really crank out that 50k this year.

Speaking of which, I really need to think of a good story to do this year. I don’t want to rehash what I did last year, and so I really want to do something fresh. Or maybe an old story that never got longer than a page. My writing has greatly improved since last year. Not just my typing speed, and spelling, but also my flow, and organization.
I hope for much more improvement in the year to come. Some day it would be beautiful to be published, even if I’m the only one who buys my book.

Now, if only I could find a way to get  livejournal to mirror my blogspot blog.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Finally finished all my homework but my very last assignment for the year. That will go pretty easily. I will do it tomorrow. I feel so accomplished. This weekend I could end up buying a 94 ford ranger for 2500 with working A/C which is better than my last truck. I really want to get the no car phase of my life over with.

FEAR looks awesome. Cant wait for it to come out.

So does the latest RPG to use the Source engine.

So does my Penis.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Tonight I made chilli. George and his girlfriend were the only ones who were able to come and eat it. It was very good, and I loved making it. I also fried bananas in cinimon batter and served them with vanilla ice cream and fresh picked mint leaves. Little did I know that George's girlfriend is allergic to dairy. All my plans thwarter. I had already left onions out of the chilli for her. Oh well, I guess not everyone can enjoy all the fruits of the earth. I also tried putting a bit of apple into the chilli.. no one even noticed, it tasted very very good.

I have a ton of homework to do. I will try to work straight through till it's all done. I imagine that it is possible but will be daunting. Dad is back, and I need to give his truck back tomorrow. Mom found a car for 2500, but everyone says it's probably a clunker, so I'll more than likely finance and get a really nice car that will take me maybe 2 years to pay off. *sigh* Well, at least the settlement money will help loads. Pay off the doctor bills and what my car was worth. I don't really want more than that. It was a rental car company. So they're not exactly getting anything back from the bastard who was doing coke all day. And on top of that, they lost their car too, which was worth a lot more than mine.

A Poem for Pattie:

Love is not fickle,
Nor is it fleeting.
Such are the ways of lust,
And shallow hearts.

Love lasts when words fail,
And perseveres through doubt.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Today I worked myself really hard to do something relatively trivial... fixed up and made a useable tattoo for a friend, so far, I'm really happy with it, but I'd love to get advice and sugguestions for it or at least some comments, so feel free to have a look and tell me what you think.... it took about 4 hours of tedius work... and now I'm just going to relax the rest of the day. What the heck, I'll post the original too. I'll let you guess which is mine.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

It's been a beautiful day. There is quite simply no explaining how wonderful so much sleep was and how great I've been feeling today. I spent the day doing tutorials for photoshop, and I will do a little more before I go to sleep, early again, tonight.

I have 2 new games, and I haven't even touched them I've been so busy lately.

Even more importanly, I'm missing someone today. She knows who she is.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

It's been a long weekend. A very very long weekend, and I am very tired. I'll write more tomorrow but it wont be about the weekend, if you were there you were there, and if not, well then you werent. Did get to spend lots of time with my friends. Today was pretty good, did a ton of homework for web design I last night, and then I was so inspired I redid a ton of work on and it came out great. All in all I was up very late, and I cannot wait to go to sleep, even though there are a million other things I would enjoy doing.

Now to take the test over the homework...

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Got this weeks homework done, time to start work on next weeks. Plus I made some Java progress on displaying a 3d Die. Well, it's a beautiful night out, and my serranjo pepper plant is sprouting blossoms from the extra watering and has many times the leaves it had before. I really have to keep it well watered, once in the morning and again in the evening.

I need to get the police info from my mom, because I don't think I'm going to be getting anything done with the insurance if I leave it to her, considering nothing has happened yet. Which is really frustrating. I want a car by this time next week or the week after that. Absolutely no later than that. It doesn't have to be a truck, a car will definitely do me, as long as it gets good miles per gallon considering my driving habits.

Last night was really good, got home at a reasonable hour, took possesion of my dad's truck, so I will be able to drive myself around until next friday maybe next saturday. So much happiness. Anyway, more later, now, rest.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Well, last night was not fun. Was stuck out at work till my mom remembered me at 11:30. At least she bought me dinner which was awfully nice of her, I thought. Ate Taco Bell, which, it apears, has started accepting credit cards, so I may begin eating there again as I never carry cash, which made it very difficult before. The entire time I was out here the mouse batteries were dead. Can you imagine how horrible that is? 11 hours with no mouse. I was able to do some things but it was horrible. Anyway, I am still totally without a vehicle, which is not good, but effort is being made in the right direction, and I will be able to borrow dad's truck tonight for the rest of this week and all of next, which will mean early days and car dealers galore. Hard to do that when you're hitching rides.

Anyway, the day goes on and life seems to be relatively unchanged by daily existence. I can live with that. But I'll live with it better when I get myself a means of personal transportation. I may cash my stock savings to do it. Feels like its not doing much but keeping me from getting good grants for college by being there. Could use it to get a relatively very nice vehicle, and pay back school loans.

I do have to especially thank George, Jackson, and Chuck who have all been there and given me rides to and from work, even though it is very unpleasantly far. And thanks to Mike for offering, though I denied thinking I already had rides coming.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Sandy more crashed onto the floor than sat, though no bruises were gained anywhere, and the side of the bed easily caught the extra weight rather than allowing the body to slump into a slouched sitting up position, every drooping feature a indication of a fraction of the many emotions swirling broken and unchecked within, so fast and unchecked that it was impossible to tell whether they were pain, sadness, or even a touch of relief of some kind. Tears began to flow unchecked and those useless fingers dragged on the floor, unmoving, as though in rebelion to ever desire to wipe the eyes that drained drop by drop down damp cheeks.

Someone banged their fist against the door, knocking loudly, and firmly, but questioningly. The name, Sandy, drifted through the door with all the strength and firm resolve of a sheet of tissue as it wavered and folded and feel silent before the entire word was even out. The very space around seemed so impossibly different than it had only a few seconds ago and not a single thing about it had changed. Even the things on the floor had remained un-moved despite the violent shuffling of feet moments before. There was a hollow feeling to everything. It seemed to Sandy as though behind every visible surface lurked a dark emptiness that would forever be unchallenged as it grew and pulsed with an audible heart-beat, and as though every little thing could at any moment give way.

Nothing can cure this, or make it better, or go away. Why feel it now? Why ever feel it at all? And with these thoughts, and many more, Sandy wiped the flowing tears from one eye. Nothing is worth feeling like this.

Everything was like lead. Crystal blue eyelids slowly pulsed down, so tired, so suddenly. How can anyone lay awake with so much darkness crowding in from every wall? And so the lashes interlocked as the dim light from the south facing window, shaded by a tree keeping the noon sun away, was shut out of those eyes that, for the moment, felt like they were a thousand years old.

Sleep. Such embracing sleep. So many tears inside flowing out. Sleep at long, long last, like the most comforting mother's hug in all the world, came and embraced Sandy. And the tears continued to flow, salty sweet as they dripped one by one.
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