Why so fabulous?

Can you hear that sweet music?

The pictures are somewhat incomplete, as the camera was not broken out until a thin portion of the evening and many who attended the unsubbing of the lair were undocumented. Their anonymity is for their own benefit, and the benefit of their evil works.

The gang is all here, and then some:

There was music:

And there was dancing:

Young Miss Prim was unamused:

Special guest appearance by young Caius:

Noms were provided, but pictures of the actual noms did not do justice. Suffice to say that the chicken ceviche is now on my permanent recipe list, mango salsa is ALWAYS delicious, and shrimp scampi is divine. A Toast to good food:

On tap:

And the back massage fairy was floating around:


Photos provided by Miss Kayla, who happened to be on the wrong(right?) side of the camera at all times.

Tell Yourself Everything Is Alright

Been 9:15 For Hours

Only Counting the Blue Ones

The Horizon is Burning

A Deal With God.

Home Improvement...

Home improvement is difficult for me, because stud finders go off
constantly whenever I pick them up.

The Big Day

Wine, food, music, lots of great company. Today is going to be huge. There should be friends coming and going in and out of the house from breakfast through super late. I hope I made enough dark chocolate pudding for everyone:


16 egg yolks for the double batch for the cups means I'm going to have some monster egg white omelets for breakfast for whoever wants them. I am loaded with wine and beer, chicken, shrimp, garlic, bacon, and butter. Maybe I could use some more cheese... I only just finished making the pudding about half an hour ago. I didn't start till a little before midnight. I had an amazing nap after work today. Anyway, it was fast, and fun, and lots of bowls were licked and sweet excess savored, and I am ready for far more cooking tomorrow. I just wanted the pudding to have overnight to set.

It has been an amazing week of building things, playing with toys, reading, writing, and listening to music.

The Window Pain

Windows make the world
Everything is divided by glass
So fragile and defenseless
It stands like a wall
We can see what we want
But cannot have
What makes this prison so strong
Worse than bars of iron
I dare not shatter my bonds
Dare not.....
Dare not....
Dare not...
Dared not.
If we break the glass
We break the world
Shatter it bit by bit
Dared not.
I dare.

Clever

Things People Say

Frequently I stumble along and hear this or that. Just listening a bit, and sometimes reading, and sometimes, the this or that seems incredibly profound, and worth repeating again and again. Sometimes when you catch hold of a truth you ache so deeply to whisper it along that the compulsion hardly seems to originate within you.

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." - Judy Garland

Passion transcends flesh, I think. To elicit this feeling in someone else, to interact with them in such a way that they sense you are interacting with something under their skin, their heart or their soul, and when you look at them, make them feel like you are looking behind their eyes. That feeling of transparency is... so complex.

"The soul's joy lies in doing." -Percy Bysshe Shelley.

Maybe this is important. Do people want parity? I don't think so. I think satisfaction must be entirely gained through the joy of mere existence, in doing whatever we do.



"Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions." - Edgar Cayce

Kahlil Gibran on Love

Do you think there is some place we can go where we can be ourselves at least part of the time?

I like hiding things, all kinds of things, all kinds of places. Would I want to be myself? Can you find the hidden music?

Plug me in, beautiful, hear my unsaid words, read my mind, and share a meal with me, when you break bread, you... you what?

I don't think you can hear the music that I do, but I want to believe that it is in your heart.

I wonder what you get for 1000 origami flowers. There are always flowers for you here.

Happy Valentines Day

"And now, this is the sweetest and most glorious day that ever my eyes did see."

Amazing Friday, Amazing Saturday

Friday was really, really good. I found my mailbox for the very first
time, which was incredibly cool. Then I took care of all my change of
addresses... Drivers License, car note, netflix, etc. After getting
all of that done(Stuff I couldn't do till after I had keys to the
mailbox), I felt really accomplished, but I still went on to cook
dinner, have company over, and finish homework. Played guitar a lot,
learned some riffs from Silverchair's Tomorrow. Not on my list of
amazing songs, but it's good for practicing switching between
strumming chords and playing riffs and notes.

I'm at a point where it's hard for me to find really beautiful songs
that are right at my difficulty level to play well and improve at. I
feel the happiest and most accomplished when I am getting things done,
taking care of responsibilities, etc. Maybe it's from all the years
when I was so stuck in life that it was a rare day that I would get
something really important taken done. This whole project has been
incredibly rewarding, from beginning to end a surprising success.

Robert Schuller once asked, "What would you attempt if you knew you
could not fail?" Every task and decision and adventure must be
undertook with this as a basic assumption. A different approach must
be taken to life that assumes that passion and desire and
determination are the fundamental driving forces of any endeavor. What
is failure? How do you know when it's happened? Robert Schuller's
question seems at once to miss something incredible, while at the same
time highlighting every facet of it. Is he leading everyone who reads
that question so this miraculous destination of understanding this
view of success, failure, motivation and its relationship to ambition?

Saturday actually started pretty lousy. The middle party at Chefs 2b
cancelled, so I was there all day long but only did 2 parties, both of
which were messy and busy and a lot of work, but neither tipped. But,
I got an amazing recipe for lobster bisque, one of my favorite soups
ever. After that, I finished my homework for the weekend, got a test
done and turned in. Then, my dad called and said that they definitely
planned on coming over for dinner. I got to work immediately, produced
a delicious rich shrimp scampy and a side of oven roasted garlic
rosemary potatoes, onions, and red peppers in an hour and a half, just
as they were getting to my house. Shared a wonderful meal and a bottle
of wine with both of them, they brought the wine, and a
congratulations card and told me that they had both gotten raises, and
bonuses, and on top of all of that, that Marry Ellen had even gotten a
promotion. I was so happy for them. We watched Cloudy With a Chance of
Meatballs together and they also brought a lamp that my Aunt Karen
gave me but I had forgotten at their house. I had the perfect place
for it, it's a really cool looking lamp.

I have more work at Chefs 2b today. Maybe it's going to be another
really good day? I'm going to start it off with a movie before work.

Crime and Punishment

Oftentimes have I heard you speak of one who commits a wrong as though he were not one of you, but a stranger unto you and an intruder upon your world.

But I say that even as the holy and the righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you,

So the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also.

And as a single leaf turns not yellow but with the silent knowledge of the whole tree,

So the wrong-doer cannot do wrong without the hidden will of you all.

Like a procession you walk together towards your god-self.

You are the way and the wayfarers.

And when one of you falls down he falls for those behind him, a caution against the stumbling stone.

Ay, and he falls for those ahead of him, who though faster and surer of foot, yet removed not the stumbling stone.



And this also, though the word lie heavy upon your hearts:

The murdered is not unaccountable for his own murder,

And the robbed is not blameless in being robbed.

The righteous is not innocent of the deeds of the wicked,

And the white-ahanded is not clean in the doings of the felon.

Yea, the guilty is oftentimes the victim of the injured,

And still more often the condemned is the burden bearer for the guiltless and unblamed.

You cannot separate the just from the unjust and the good from the wicked;

For they stand together before the face of the sun even as the black thread and the white are woven together.

And when the black thread breaks, the weaver shall look into the whole cloth, and he shall examine the loom also.


--Kahlil Gibran "The Prophet"

And verily he will find the roots of the good and the bad, the fruitful and the fruitless, all entwined together in the silent heart of the earth.

And you judges who would be just,

What judgment pronounce you upon him who though honest in the flesh yet is a thief in spirit?

What penalty lay you upon him who slays in the flesh yet is himself slain in the spirit?

And how prosecute you him who in action is a deceiver and an oppressor,

Yet who also is aggrieved and outraged?

--Kahlil Gibran "The Prophet"

The Circle of Fifths

Pic from New Year's Eve

Amor Est Vitae Essentia

First week of the new year has been really big. Surprisingly big. Art
and music have been present in every day so far. One surprise, though.
Out of all the brilliant and beautiful quotes I have read this past
month or so, some of the most beautiful words I have seen were from
Bill Cosby. Though, in truth, this should not have been much of a
surprise, considering his credentials as a human being and a humorist.

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

It's one of those quotes that just rings true with your soul about life itself.

I think it should be noted that I like the most recent film
interpretation of I Am Legend. I like it a lot. This is significant
because I have finally read the original story, and so now I know
what's different. Part of what makes a story good, regardless of the
quality of the plot is in the telling, and the new movie is pretty
flawlessly told. It's a brilliant pacing set with a storyline that is
filled with empathetic catalysts and human loneliness. It captures a
lot of the feel of the earlier part of the novel, but in making the
diseased humanity too feral and monstrous, they lost the ability to
use the twist that was used at the end of the novel. I had just
written a paragraph or two about the nature of the novel's twist, till
I realized, someone might read it, and it's worth reading, especially
for the twist ending. Suffice it to say that I previously entirely
hated the alternate ending to the new movie, but now, while I still
hate it, I understand the purpose and what it was trying to do. They
made the monsters too monstrous, with too few glimpses of humanity,
too violent, and the attack on his home too horrendous for their
numbers for it to work, so it is very very bad, but I understand it
and now I understand why they didn't use it.

Lately I have been dreaming of electric sheep. I wonder what that means?

Today we are re-brewing our Campfire Blond, and we plan on doing it
right this time with much fewer smoked malts for a more balanced
flavor.

"The chairs, the carpet, the tables -- all had rotted away; they
sagged in mutual ruin, victims of the despotic forces of time. And of
abandonment."

Some quotes make you feel good. Others ought to make you feel the
entropic forces of the universe encroaching around you.

"There's no such thing as quitting. Just sometimes there's a longer
pause between relapses, right?" - Laurie

Others feel sort of like private coded messages.

Signing out, "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human
existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere
being." -- C.G. Jung

Food is not all you can eat.

Omegle conversation log

2011-01-08

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: What do you want?

Stranger: you

Stranger: and

Stranger: your

You: God, I've been waiting for this moment for so long

Stranger: beautiful

Stranger: soul

You: Do you want kids?

Stranger: hmmmm

Stranger: how many are we talking here?

Stranger: 1-3?

You: 1.5

Stranger: 4'7?

Stranger: 1.5 is good

Stranger: what are we going to do with the other .5 though?

Stranger: donate it?

You: There is no .5, you stunt the second one's growth with coffee and cigarettes at 9

Stranger: oh, okay

Stranger: yes, then

Stranger: 1.5 kids with you sounds perfect

You: With enough booze in their system, they'll never even mentally mature past 9, they'll be a .5 forever

Stranger: let's get started

You: I can't. I'm sterile. I had my tubes tied.

Stranger: awww.

Stranger: let's adopt!

You: Yes!!

Stranger: from where though?

You: Antarctica.

You: Eskimo babies.

Stranger: yesyesyes

You: It may take some mild frost bite to get them, but they will be ours, whether the parents agree or not

Stranger: oohhh, possible kidnapping

Stranger: i like it

Stranger: and don't worry dear, i'll pack the warm jackets

You: It's not kidnapping if they're not citizens of a country.

Stranger: a valid point

You: Or is it? Is kidnapping a legal term or an emotional one?

You: Like, "You kidnapped my heart forever"?

You: Or, "I've never been more in love with you than when you stole that baby"

Stranger: good question.

You: Or is it specifically the unlawful abduction of a child from its legal guardians?

Stranger: let's stick to 'it's only kidnapping if we ask for a randsom'

You: Okay, well, I'm not asking for a randsom, so what is it then?

You: Surpris adoption?

Stranger: yes.

Stranger: supride adoption sounds good.

Stranger: suprise, rather.

You: Yes.

You: Well, it's decided then. We have a lot of packing and planning to do, I'll see you later tonight, okay?

Stranger: sounds good, love

You: Good bye.

You have disconnected.

"We're a great pair. I have no voice and you have no ear." - but 1998

"A policeman's job is only easy in a police state." - Ramon Miguel Vargas

I was recently watching an editorial video comparing the childhood heroes of our generation, our parent's generation, and their parents generation via the transformation of GI Joe. GI Joe transformed from a real live soldier who died in a war, to a realistic but fictional depiction of existing soldiers to an unattainable fantastic and unrealistic soldier of pure imagination. From being a role model that they could genuinely hope to be to a role model that could never be a real world goal. The editor, movie bob from The Escapist Magazine, postulated that the lost and misdirected feelings of his generation can be attributed to the heroes they were given as children being icons that were beyond their reach.

It's an interesting idea, but really, GI Joe of the 80s is just Teddy Ruxbin with guns. Generations before his have had equally unrealistic heroes of fiction, and the 80s was not devoid of role models of profound influence. Scientists, journalists, police, and firemen. Some of these figures have only existed as heroes for a very brief period of time. If I were to take a guess, I'd say that the sense of loss of direction probably more likely comes from the conflicting need of a generation left without purpose in a world of ambiguity after such a strangely morally defining war like World War II( a historical anomaly) trying to recapture that feeling of purpose, and a generation struggling to maintain focus and reason through times of political upheaval, being forced to conflict against a government that is ever less trustworthy through wars that feel increasingly misguided, leaving THEIR children without anything to believe in as they see two wildly polar opposites conflicting from childhood. That's just my guess, though.

It's time to embrace the truth that they all wanted the best for us, but they were lost and we felt lost because we were surrounded by them and raised by them, and their promises. It's time that we faced the reality that there is more to life than being a doctor and getting a "real job" and doing what we're told and doing it how we're told. We have to define what happiness means, and we have to appreciate that the world is not a land of infinite Disney style opportunity. The world is harsh, and competitive, and you have to make decisions between happiness and work and find the compromise that protects your future without denying yourself your present and you have to think about what you really want, and that's okay. We may have been made unrealistic promises, but it's time to say, "Okay, that's cool. You meant well. There's no point in dwelling on the past. I have a life to live and a future to build."

Embrace failure. Embrace that you don't have a flying car, and that it will never be economical to have one. Embrace the fact that everyone you know is deeply flawed. It is the way things have ALWAYS been, and everyone before you did fine anyway, and they usually did it without the lies that the world is like a Disney wonderland. You don't need to be delusional to appreciate life. In fact, it helps make it more bearable to not have a fictional reality of perfection by which all the world's real pain look grimy by comparison. Life is too brilliant and miraculous to hold it up to things that make it look like anything less than the brilliant gem that it is.

Conversations in Omegle

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label
'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: Do you love me?
Stranger: Yes
You: Well, I got what I want out of this conversation. *lights up a cigarette*
You: Was it good for you?
Stranger: Yes most def.
You: I do my best to satisfy.
You have disconnected.