More Art

Quickpost these images to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

New Wacom Tablet Art

Quickpost these images to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

My Day in Pictures

Quickpost these images to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

Of Snowmen and Imagination

When I was at the symphony last sunday, they played music along with a
BBC animation called "The Snowman". It was a beautiful piece about a
boy who builds a snowman who comes to life. Before it finally does
come to life in the night, he is watching it constantly, looking out
the window, always his eyes on it like he ever expected it. And it
reminded me of a feeling I've had. The feeling that everything is
alive around me, ready to spring up and move about whenever my eyes
are not constantly upon it.

Laying awake at night, watching the closet with diligence, KNOWING,
not simply believing but knowing that it is ready to come to life, the
shapes of the shadows crouched and ready to roam free. Everything at
the edge of my vision was always moving, dancing about, sneaking away,
stealing away, and quietly returning, the only thing that ever kept
them still was having my eyes upon them. They never moved when I
looked at them, sitting there, silent, guilty.

Watching this video I suddenly had that feeling all over again. The
overwhelming sense that everything was charged with energy and only my
watchful eye forced the whole world to remain still made my whole mind
come alive with ideas and dreams and visions. It was like magic. I'm
glad I wrote this while it was still fresh in my head.

The Symphony

Last night I went to see Very Merry Pops at the Jesse H. Jones Hall
for the Performing Arts, and it was beautiful. There was moving and
powerful music, and beautiful singing, and even some laughs.

I loved The Snowman, they played along with the brittish animation, it
was beautiful beyond words at points, funny at others, and warm. And
it was so meaningful because I had built my own snowman this week.

I hope the power comes on soon at my house. I miss using the internet at home.

Enough Snow to Make a Texas Snowman

Quickpost these images to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

112908182702mj1.jpg hosted at ImageShack.us

Quickpost these images to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

Trip to San Antonio

Quickpost these images to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

Moving

Tonight, after work, I'm leaving to go to San Antonio to help my
friend George move into his first house. Quite an honor, and I'll be
there all weekend.

I'm a little worried I don't have enough forward movement in my life.
Also that I might not be doing everything I can to get out and
explore.

Another Rainy Day

Sick of so much rain. How it pours, day after day, the rap tap tapping
that is so beautiful on the first evening becomes incessant by the
third. Driving through it every day, the roads flooded, everything
wet, my feet damp when I step out into a puddle near every curb in
order to get to the places where I need to be. It rains, simply, too
much.

I finished Fallout 3 last night, it has been a wonderful experience,
that I enjoyed fully from beginning to end, and I intend to play
through it again, perhaps a little smarter this time.

Looks like Chris fell through and decided not to hang out with me last
night. Oh well, c'est la vie.

I need to read. I need to make my game. I need to draw. I need to
express myself. I am feeling a bit high strung as of late. Maybe my
trip to San Antonio will help me relax.

A Long Weekend

It's been a long weekend, I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but
I have been doing a lot of work at Chefs 2b and at my day job. It has
gotten so that most weeks, now, I work 7 days a week. This week, I
didn't have any work to do on sunday, but I did have one party early
on Saturday. Late saturday evening, I went over to Tim and Jamie's
house for pizza and Rock Band. It was a very calm, very nice evening
that I enjoyed quite a bit.

I got tired earlier than usual, and I went home at 11, instead of at
12 or 1. Maybe I'm getting older. Who knows? I think not, since after
I got home, I was still up till 2 reading and enjoying myself, but it
was while lying down and relaxing with Peppers Amadeus Bond, who did
not seem at all interested in sitting still or relaxing, as he tore up
and terrorized my bedroom.

I had been planning for Sunday all week, though I forgot to do some of
my plans. I forgot that I had planned to have an early dinner with my
father at 5 pm, and I slept all morning and afternoon through it.
After that I went to pick up Zac and his girlfriend Lucy. They were in
town playing orchestra concerts at schools around the houston area. I
wish I weren't working during all of their concert times. C'est la
vie.

We ate italian, joined by Matt, Justin, and his wife Cymeron. Was an
enjoyable dinner. Afterward, I took Zac and Lucy to my home and let
her try my home-made wines and ales, and let them both browse my
library of books, and let Zac borrow Invisible Monsters, by Chuck
Palaniuck.

Then, on monday, I had to go into work an hour early. The early
mornings are not very good for me. I got to work and did the weekend
samples, and then I watched Baby Mama, and Get Smart during work. Both
of these movies were superbly amusing, and I laughed quite a bit,
though I expected both to be sub-par. In the evening I took Zac and
Lucy to a music store which opened just for us and then to our little
tea shop in downtown houston. How I enjoyed the wonderful teas on this
trip, it was quite satisfying and relaxing as always. It is sad that I
cannot visit there more often.

I fell asleep early, though, when I got home, with my contacts in,
leading to an unpleasant awakening and realization that I had not set
my alarm clock. It's life, it happens. We'll see how today goes.

Spiders

At work today, Peter came out to play. I think this is Peter v3.o The
original must certainly be dead. He was out to play long enough for me
to take a picture of him hunting the mouse pointer, then, to email it
to my computer and take a picture of him hunting the mouse pointer on
top of a picture of him hunting the mouse pointer. And then he stayed
out another 30 minutes to an hour, stalking the mouse pointer.

<img src="http://img143.imageshack.us/img143/7724/110308073128vd6.jpg"
alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us"/><br/>Shot with <a target="_new"
href="http://profile.imageshack.us/camerabuy.php?model=SYSTEMLSI+S5K5AAFA+1.3+MP&make=Q6055BSKAXLZ31501">SYSTEMLSI
S5K5AAFA 1.3 MP</a> at 2008-11-03

Another Weekend Gone

I had a really good wine this weekend. I'll have to post the name of
it when I get home, but I enjoyed it a lot. It was given to me as a
tip by a family who threw a birthday party for their daughter on
saturday. Only 3 kids came to the party, I felt a little bad that they
tipped so nice and so few were there to enjoy the fun.

5 parties this weekend. I was so worn out that I didn't do anything
else on saturday or sunday. On Friday, I had a really solid Halloween
hanging out with Tim, Jamie, and Russell. Home-made chili for the win.
We also played rock band, watched scary movies, and played a board
game. Arkham Horror. It's a very rich, imaginative, and complex game,
one of my all time favorites.

HOpe everyone else had a happy halloween.

Drawing

I am really disappointed in myself for not being productive in any of
the projects I have been wanting to do lately. I feel so inspired, but
I'm just not following through. I need to do something about this.
There are stories I want to write, things I want to draw, etc, etc.

Tonight I'm going over to Tim and Jamie's apartment for Halloween.
Watch cheesey movies, play rock band, pass out candy, and maybe even
play a game of Arkham Horror

Regrets

I made a mistake today. I pushed someone I care very deeply for to
tears, and I have jeopardized her trust in me. Would that I could take
back ten minutes of lust.

Like the Fingers of God on the Strings of My Soul

Sometimes I need music,
More than I need air, more than water.
The flesh may die without these things,
But the soul my burn strong.
Music is fuel for the furnace of my soul.

Sometimes I take it for granted,
It can be so easy to forget.
When your soul is already on fire,
Sometimes you can forget to eat.
But when the soul runs dry,
At the times when I feel hollow and empty,
In the midst of moments where your soul feels like it's wasted away,
As if there were no feelings of its own.

That's when I need music.

Hurt,
Anger,
Fear,
And apathy,
These forces, they eat at the life inside of me.
They are not feelings, they are the absence of passion and desire,
Indulgence in them feels at first like true emotion,
Each one gives the illusion of substance,
As they fuel your actions,
By burning away at the core of your being,
Their existence taking the space of the things you need.

And then, when they are all gone... nothing left upon which they may feed...

Music is there with every emotion there ever was,
Sadness,
Happiness,
Laughter,
Love,
Things that the English language is literally insufficient to describe,
What word is there to describe the feeling where you need to dance,
To describe that you need to dance like you need music?
That you need to cry and dance,
And smile,
And fall down,
And get back up again,
And to hug someone,
And listen to music...

I Watched Something Die

I watched something die today, while I worked. It was a massive stink
bug, something on another day and in another place I would have
happily squashed without a sudden thought.

I was sampling a rail car, and I had just pulled up my zone sampler
full of tar, thick and heavy and drizzling all over the outside of the
tool, when this bug flew right at it. right into it. Its wings stuck
grotesquely in the tar and they became immobile on its back as it
struggled, falling down onto the funnel but not down into my jar. From
this moment it was dead. The tar would kill it, and anything that
might wash the tar off would kill it. It was dead, it just didn't know
it, yet. Crawling about on my bucket and on my sampler and funnel. Two
or three rail cars later, it tried to climb the rope, and as I worked,
it's oil weighted body fell... catching on the side of the hatch to
the car.. the oil keeping it from falling even as it kept it from
holding on... slipping.. sliding horribly downward, slowly losing as
its limbs moved slowly.. as though pushing through water even in the
air.

It finally fell. Landing on the dense tar, a heart wrenchingly slow
submersion into the semi liquid. Flailing legs and squirming, coating
itself ever more thoroughly as it sunk. The black ichor swallowed it
whole, and swallowed it slowly. Forced to stand still while my work
slowly drizzled the vile substance into my collection jar, I watched.
Fascinated, sympathetically, filled with a sort of sickness. How
watching this thing die in such a way made me feel... for something
that I might have squashed without a second thought.

How it occurs to me that it is the way it died that tore at my soul. Slowly.

Nothing should ever die slowly. What worse thing is there for a good
person than to watch the suffering of another being? I ought to have
crushed it when first it landed in my work. Crushed it and forgot it.
Better to have killed it quickly than to watch it drown, never to
return.

I wonder what the dinosaurs that fell into tar looked like.

Today...

I realized something today. Psychiatrists are the greatest diplomats
that have ever walked the earth. If they ever turned their gaze from
individual patients who want treatment and faced it outward on the
world they could bring it tumbling to ruin in heartbeat. It has been
their challenge for as long as the profession has existed to change
people who believe very firmly that the whole world is wrong. The
world is subjective, any way that you see the world that allows you to
function is a good way to see the world. But the way we see the world
is so deeply personal, that even when we see it in a way that stops us
from living a life we want, even when we can identify that and we know
we want to change it, every fiber of our beings fights it.

Psychiatrists have developed and evolved the most brilliant and
coercive and subversive verbage the world has ever known. Every word
they use is carefully aimed like a precision cut to tiptoe around your
emotions and thoughts, passively avoiding questions till they need to
be asked. I was told by a therapist I knew once about the way working
with a schizophrenic goes. Say the schizophrenic has delusions that
the underside of their bed is plagued with snakes that will kill them
any time they try to leave it. As a given, they are convinced of this,
and no direct evidence could ever dispel it from their heads. Their
brain has convinced itself of the snakes' existence. This is an
unhealthy view, how can you live a fulfilling life if you never leave
your bed? You don't confront the delusion, you work around it. You ask
everything you can about the snakes. You find out if there are any
perceived ways that the person can use to get around the snakes
without them attacking. Would it help to tiptoe? Why are the snakes
there? What do the snakes want?

A person gets mad when you tell them that something they believe isn't
true. I think it's because you're challenging their world. I'd
certainly get mad if you tried hard enough to convince me that the
house I lived in wasn't mine. Everything in my universe consistently
supports that I live here, and that I have a tangible right to be
here. It is the same for a man who feels that way about a location
where he does not belong. The same for a stalker who believes that the
person he is chasing belongs with him.

I thought about this, because I was thinking about the verbage I use
to talk to people. I've never thought much about it before, but I
think that it is time that I began paying close attention to the way I
treat and talk to everyone so that I am more aware of my standings. On
some level, I can never understand people when I try to look at them
like a puzzle. They simply aren't puzzles, and it is confusing.

More BBQ Recipes

I'd really like to post more often. I'm out of the habit, but doing it
helps me reflect more about events going on in my life, and no one
reads this, so it's pretty safe to post anything here.

RED-EYE RIBEYES

Source: Recipe courtesy of Steven Raichlen
Method: Direct grilling
Serves: 4

For the rub:

2 tablespoons ground dark roast coffee
2 teaspoons coarse salt
1 teaspoon pure chile powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

4 ribeye steaks, at least 1-inch thick (8 to 10 ounces each)
You'll also need:

Red-Eye Steak Sauce (recipe below) for serving (optional)

1-1/2 cups wood chips or chunks (optional), soaked for 1 hour in cold
water to cover,
then drained

Make the rub: In a small bowl, combine the coffee, salt, chile powder,
onion powder, garlic powder, coriander, black pepper, and cinnamon.
Mix well.

Place the steaks on a platter and sprinkle on both sides with the rub.
Let them sit for 15 to 20 minutes while you prepare the grill.

Set up the grill for indirect grilling and preheat to high. If using a
gas grill, add the wood chips (if using) to the smoker box before
preheating. If using a charcoal grill, toss the wood chips on the
coals. When ready to cook, brush and oil the grill grate. Place the
steaks on the hot grate and grill, turning with tongs, until cooked to
taste, 4 to 6 minutes per side for medium-rare. Transfer the steaks to
a warmed platter and let rest for 3 minutes.

Serve with Red-Eye Steak Sauce, if desired.
RED-EYE STEAK SAUCE

Makes about 1-1/2 cups

1 tablespoon butter
1 shallot, finely chopped (about 3 tablespoons)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tablespoon minced celery
1/2 cup brewed coffee
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup tomato sauce
2 tablespoons heavy cream
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons bourbon
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon cider vinegar
1 tablespoon Dijon style mustard
1 teaspoon liquid smoke
Coarse salt (kosher or sea) and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Melt the butter in a heavy saucepan. Add the shallot, garlic, and
celery and cook over medium heat until lightly browned, 3 minutes.
Stir in the coffee, ketchup, tomato sauce, cream, soy sauce, bourbon,
Worcestershire sauce, vinegar, mustard, and liquid smoke and gradually
bring to boil.

Reduce the heat slightly and simmer the sauce until thick and richly
flavored, 8 to 10 minutes, whisking from time to time. Correct the
seasoning, adding salt and pepper or any other ingredient to taste

STEAK FROM HELL
MESQUITE GRILLED STEAK WITH FIRE-CHARRED TOMATO SALSA steakmell.jpg

This recipe comes from an unassuming steakhouse in Juarez, Mexico,
called Mitla. Mitla's steaks owe their extraordinary flavor to the
fact that they're cooked over blazing mesquite logs. You can
approximate the flavor by tossing a couple cups of soaked mesquite
chips on a backyard barbecue grill. The fire-charred salsa reinforces
the smoky flavor of the beef.

Source: The Barbecue! Bible by Steven Raichlen (Workman, 2008)
Method: Direct grilling
Serves: 4

2 to 4 chiles de arbol (4 give you a nice heat)
2 large ripe tomatoes
1/3 medium onion, sliced
1 clove garlic, sliced
3 tablespoons coarsely chopped cilantro
1 to 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
4 T-bone steaks or sirloin steaks (each about 3/4-inch thick)
4 large or 8 small flour tortillas

You'll also need:
2 cups mesquite wood chips, soaked in cold water to cover for 1 hour,
then drained (optional)

Soak the chiles in a bowl of warm water until pliable, about 20
minutes. Meanwhile, set each tomato directly on a gas stove burner and
roast it over high heat until the skin is charred and blistered on all
sides, 6 to 8 minutes in all. (Or do the tomatoes in a previous
grilling session.) Transfer the tomatoes to a plate and let them cool.

Drain the chiles and remove the seeds if you prefer a milder salsa.
Place the chiles in a blender with the cooled tomatoes and the onion,
garlic, and cilantro, and process to a coarse paste. Add the lime
juice and season with salt and pepper to taste. Transfer the salsa to
a serving bowl.

Set up the grill for direct grilling and preheat to high. If using a
gas grill, add the wood chips (if using) to the smoker box before
preheating.

When ready to cook, if using a charcoal grill, toss the wood chips on
the coals. Brush and oil the grill grate. Salt the steaks generously
on one side. Arrange the steaks on the oiled grate, salt side down,
and grill, turning once with tongs, until cooked to taste, 2 to 4
minutes per side for medium-rare. Transfer the steaks to a platter and
let rest for 3 minutes.

Meanwhile, arrange the tortillas on the grate and grill until soft and
pliable, but not browned, about 20 seconds per side. Serve the steaks
with the tortillas and the salsa on the side.

More Recipes

RECIPES

BARBECUED ONIONS

Sneak preview! Here's a recipe from "Primal Grill with Steven
Raichlen" that hasn't been posted yet at www.primalgrill.org.

Method: Indirect grilling
Serves: 8

8 Vidalia or other sweet onions, peeled
5 tablespoons unsalted butter
4 slices good-quality bacon, cut crosswise into 1/4-inch slices
1/2 cup your favorite brand of sweet red barbecue sauce
Freshly ground black pepper

You'll also need:

8 pieces of aluminum foil, twisted into 2-inch rings or grilling rings
1-1/2 cups of wood chips or chunks, soaked for 1 hour, then drained

Using a sharp paring knife and working opposite the stem end, cut a
cone-shaped cavity in each onion by angling your knife toward the
center and cutting in a circle. Finely chop the onion you've removed.
Set each onion on a foil ring with the cavity facing up.

Melt 1 tablespoon of the butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add the
bacon and chopped onion and cook over medium heat until lightly
browned, 3 to 5 minutes. Drain the bacon in a strainer over a bowl.
Place a spoonful of the bacon mixture in the cavity of each onion. Cut
the remaining 4 tablespoons of butter into 8 equal pieces. Spoon 1
tablespoon of the barbecue sauce into each onion and place a piece of
butter on top. Sprinkle with pepper.

Set up the grill for indirect grilling and preheat to medium. If using
a gas grill, place all of the wood chips or chunks into the smoker box
or a smoker pouch and run the grill on high until you see smoke.
Then reduce heat to medium. If using a charcoal grill, place a large
drip pan in the center and preheat the grill to medium, then toss all
of the wood chips or chunks on the coals.

When ready to cook, place the onions on their rings in the center of
the hot grate, over the drip pan, and away from the heat, and cover
the grill. Cook the onions until they are golden brown and tender, 40
to 60 minutes. To test for doneness, pinch the side of an onion; it
should be squeezably soft. If the filling starts to brown too much
before the onions are fully cooked, cover the onions loosely with
aluminum foil. Transfer the grilled onions to a platter or plates and
serve at once.

FIVE-SPICE SHANGHAI SHORT RIBS WITH SHANGHAI BARBECUE SAUCE

Simplify the preparation of these ribs by substituting Best of
Barbecue "Five Spice Barbecue Rub" and "Shanghai Barbecue Sauce" for
the homemade versions here. Find both at www.grilling4all.com.

Method: Indirect grilling
Serves: 4 to 6
Advance Preparation: 4 to 6 hours for marinating the meat

3 to 4 pounds beef short ribs, bone-in

For the rub:

2 tablespoons Chinese 5-spice powder
1 tablespoon teaspoon fine grained sea salt
2 teaspoons sugar
2 teaspoons ground white pepper

For the Shanghai Barbecue Sauce:

1 cup hoisin sauce
1/3 cup Chinese rice wine (Shaoxing) or dry sherry
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons unseasoned rice vinegar, or more to taste
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon peeled, minced ginger
2 scallions, white and green parts minced

You'll also need:
1-1/2 cups wood chips or chunks, soaked for 1 hour in water to cover, then
drained

Make the rub: Combine the 5-spice powder, salt, sugar, and pepper in a
small bowl and whisk to combine.

Make the barbecue sauce: In a nonreactive saucepan, combine the hoisin
sauce, wine, soy sauce, sugar, ketchup, vinegar, garlic, ginger, and
scallions. Cook over low heat, stirring frequently, until the sauce
thickens (5 to 10 minutes).

Generously sprinkle the ribs on all sides with the rub. Cover the ribs
with plastic wrap and refrigerate them while you set up the grill.

Set up a charcoal grill for indirect grilling and preheat to medium.
Place a large drip pan in the center of the grill. When ready to cook,
brush and oil the grill grate. Place the ribs in the center of the
grate over the drip pan and away from the heat. Toss half of the wood
chips on each mound of coals. Cover the grill and cook the ribs until
they are well-browned, cooked through, and tender enough to pull apart
with your fingers, about 1-1/2 to 2 hours. When the ribs are done, the
meat will have shrunk back from the ends of the bones by about 1/4
inch.

Just before serving, brush the ribs on all sides with the Shanghai
Barbecue Sauce and move them directly over the fire. Grill until the
sauce is sizzling, 1 to 3 minutes per side. Watch carefully so the
sugars in the barbecue sauce don't burn. Transfer to a large platter
or cutting board and let rest for a few minutes. Serve with the
remaining barbecue sauce on the side.