Blogging for Blogging Sake

I found out my dad was in the hospital today. That's twice in
something like 3 weeks. This time it's worse and better at the same
time. I'm really worried about him. I heard he was in a lot of pain
and that they are giving him morphine.

I really want GTA IV. Really badly. It's a challenge to not buy it
even though I have other games, and no money.

Pregnancy, Wow

Well, turns out my old girlfriend Gabrielle is pregnant. She just
found out this weekend, and... the only thing I know how to say is
that I'm very happy for her.. but very sad for me. I remember wanting
to marry her. I remember being absolutely nuts about her. She would
make me smile all the time, we would play games, and.. yeah. And it
was a good time in my life, followed by some not so great times.

Not too long ago I had some really good times again. I can't tell
anymore if they're mostly over or if they are really only just
beginning, but they have been some VERY good times, and I am a better
person for the girl I love now.

But it still kindof wrecks up my heart to see one more ex pregnant and
starting a family with a love she found after ditching me. It makes me
feel quite a bit like dead weight. Like maybe I'm what girls date
before moving on to a better life. It's a pretty solid blow to my self
esteem.

Anyway, I weary of this subject. Martian Child is a really great
movie, I love every minute of it.

What Dreams May Come is a lousy book. Unless you view it from the
perspective that the characters are in their own personal hell devised
by their inability to wait any length of time, willing to hurt
themselves and anyone around them who cares about them rather than
display the patience to wait, and be comforted by their friends and
family.

I'm going to go... um... I don't know. Do something...

Prisma Pencils

Awesome Day

I got to go to the best Greek restaurant in all of houston today. It
was an amazing treat, but what I liked even more than the food, which
was divine, was the server.. he was wonderful, and funny, and just
great to talk to about the food with.

After that, we went back to my place and played Rock Band for 5 hours
straight, and it was so amazing with four people. I'd write so much
more about today, but, it's late, I'm very very tired. The only thing
I can imagine that would have made this day better is if I'd been able
to share it with my best friend.

Good night, all...

Car Repairs

460$ to get my clutch fixed for the same problem I paid 1500 a year
and a half ago and endured through horrendous pains at the hands of
the hideous Car Car One nazis to get repaired. I am never going to
Domestic Auto Experts again. They have a lot of image, but it's always
been overpriced, I think they do a lot of un-necessary work.

Don't know what I'm doing tonight, may be going to the movies with my
mom or playing rock band, I haven't decided which.

I am so in love with someone.

Re: Women

What does it take to make yourself appealing to a woman who has you
totally and completely wrapped around her thumb? Why are women so
starved for attention that they aren't happy without so many men
wrapped around their thumb?

It's maddening and perplexing, I've tried time after time and I can't
do it. How does anyone infatuate someone with a beautiful heart, mind,
and soul, for a lifetime? It's been done before, I've seen it done.
I've tried being mysterious, smart, worldly, erotic, entertaining,
funny, sly, dashing, charming, honest, and all for naught. I always
lose. Always to other guys.

I'm really tired of it. I've wasted too much of my life on girls who
don't return the affection that I give.

I'm seriously starting to think that women are only good for a couple
of weeks of fun, and then you need to get bored of them before they
can get bored of you.

Wow

Okay, so, I've tried out a few other journal sites, but I'm back here. Nobody read my stuff anywhere else, and really, this should be a personal journey anyway. I'm going to be posting here regularly every day again.

http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/04/18/encyclopedia-britannica-now-free-for-bloggers/

This is actually pretty awesome. I can see the marketing value in it, and EB certainly does have its advantages over Wikipedia. No contested articles from disreputable sources attempting to change entries for unsavory reasons. And some of the features are pretty impressive. And, used as a tool by bloggers with the features mentioned in that article, it could be a powerful tool for spreading information.

I think I'm going to check it out.

Tonight, though, I am really looking forward to going to a satyr meal with my mother to celebrate passover. After that, Keda and I might watch episode 14 of deathnote.

I'm in Love

It's funny, I've said that to two people in a row and their responses were nearly identical:

(1:58:42 PM) Friend 2: Oh yeah? What's it called?
(2:07:40 PM) Friend 1: with what?

So I don't know how to feel about being so transparent that I can declare that I am completely in love and it be known that I am not talking about a human being.

(2:08:51 PM) Me: What do you mean with what? /:) are you saying that I can't love a person?
(2:09:07 PM) Friend 1: no just that u love things

That doesn't make me feel good. Not the bit about being transparent, I'm fine with that, but... that I love things. This is not the first time that I've felt that I use the word love far too loosely, although only in respect to things. I mean, I don't LOVE them... or do I? Do I care about the emotional and physical well being of them? I suppose I have a formula for how much I care about something in my head...

Y=X*n*l, where Y == to how much I care about something, X == to how replaceable it is and the effort required to replace it, n == how intimately acquainted I am with it, and l == how much I like it.

So, represented in percentages... 100% being impossible without ruining the scale, this website/show == 5*80*80, or something like that, I'm not very precise. Sometimes these things are really hard to judge. I'm really curious if that puts it over a starving child in China... It's up there. Is that horrible? I haven't been directly confronted with the choice of saving a starving child in China at the cost of immediately or saving America's Test Kitchen, maybe that's a good thing. But the idea of my loving things... that scares me. Things are replaceable, that should disqualify them, perhaps I attach more feeling to things than the formula says I should?

Oh, yeah, America's Test Kitchen happens to be the site/show in question for today. I absolutely adored this episode that was one this afternoon, and while I was browsing for that episode and its recipes I found this recipe.

Anywho, so, I really think I want to make that second recipe tonight for whoever would like to come over and have some. Just comment here if you'd like to.

Ordered more tea last night. Should be here by Weds or Thurs. I got some chocolate strawberry tea to test and see if it's a good valentines present, if it is, I'm going to give that to my mom.

You know what? I may do the crisp-skin high-roasted chicken tonight instead, depending on which recipe is cheaper to prepare while I'm at the grocery store. If I do the high-roasted chicken, I'm going to use earl grey green to season the butter under the skin.

*sigh* too good to be true

It would seem that teachef is about half a month out of date, still stuck on dec of '06. Do they no longer function? *le sigh* I really would be sad to see that I'd missed something so good.

And here I thought I'd discovered a cleverly concealed secret just for people like me.


I can at least hope that the failure to update for over a month isn't a bad sign. Please let it not be a bad sign, please let this be a budding and awesome website.

Ha! Twice a night!

So, it's late. I know. What do I do right before bed? I wander down lists in my mind and try to imagine anything I've forgotten. And so, tonight, I had something cool.

I love adagio. It's really an impressive company, I find myself in the beginning of a long time love affair with their teas, I've found other places that intrigue me, but none that really cater to me and my palate quite so deliciously(You like that adjective?). I was showing off some of my teas to my grandma last weekend when I was up visiting family for post christmas cheer, having missed the holidays due to obligations. As it happens, that while doing so, I noticed that there was a web address right there on my tins, and one that was NOT for adagio!!!

My mind began to wonder, is adagio a subsidiary of another company? What IS teachef?

Not having immediate access to the internets, I let it slip my mind. Of course, making tea every day, several times a day, I noticed it on and off again, always at inconvenient times. So odd... so... incongruent.

Until tonight. Sitting here, only moments before sleep, it occurred to me that I should follow up this raging incongruity. Lo and behold! I fell instantly in love:

"TeaChef is a community of people who are passionate about two things: cooking and tea. Or, more specifically, cooking with tea."

Be still my beating, lusting, passionate heart!!! I have heard of cooking with tea before, the idea has always intrigued me, and I have even looked longingly at my teas as I thought of meats that I had not at my immediate disposal. I instantly applied for the sample of this months tea. My mind is already simply smoldering with ideas that rage through my burning sleepless eyes.

So help me... I hope that I am chosen. It would be a thrill to have friends over and test out recipes taking advantage of this exquisite opportunity. To be fair, even if I don't get sent a sample, I will procrastinate no more, my next cook off, I will be making something with tea. It is always like an adrenaline shot to the heart when there is such vast potential in the crossing of THREE passions at once!

It would seem at first only 2...

But I count the passion of having large groups gather to partake of quality food for careful consideration.

Pan's Labyrinth

An awe inspiring movie, brutal to watch, it wrenched my gut observing some of the more brutal parts of the movie that ultimately drew me in all the more and made the scenes more involving emotionally. I couldn't watch that movie a lot though, it could really desensitize me.



So often they say,
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
And yet so deeply I fear that in a way
Absence makes the heart begin to wander.

I sit here, and I ponder
In the late hour my eyes streak red
My heart with worry to squander
Simply put I should be in bed.

Eyelids drooping though they were made of lead
The object of my desire
In my eyes reflections can be read
Though craving I now retire.

Good night.

New Tea

New tea has arrived today. I ordered a couple of samples mixed in with the meat of the order... chamomile, and earl grey bravo. They are both to die for, I cannot wait to try them. Well, okay, not try them, I've tried them, I ordered them in larger tins because they drive my palate wild, but, I mean... well, you know what I mean.

I've found another property of blood orange that I don't particularly care for... like grape juice, it leaves my mouth feeling...dry. Which, I don't like in a drink. I prefer beverages that wet my mouth instead of giving me cotton mouth. It's the only tea that does that. I don't like that chamomile is so hard to clean out of my tea maker, but wow, it's so delicious that it's absolutely worth every bit of the trouble.

Anyway, back to doing more coding..

It's Dark

I don't usually start posting till this late. I've had quite a bit of work to do at work lately, and that... well, that's a little out of sorts with the norm.

Other than that, today has been a pretty hollow day, mostly just the norm, a little tea, some breakfast, some programming, a few games here and there, earned richetr mode in the new castlevania. When I get home I need to finish writing my review for that, and I also need to do a review for Mario hoops.

So much to do, so little time...


(I am sad, my habaneros, the ones Tim gave me, rotted. Probably one got it and it spread fast to the others, I only had them a week).

Story Idea

I want to do an undead story. Something mild... something more emotional that scary, a real ghost story with deeper roots in human beliefs and folk lore instead of a horror story. The idea of the dead walking out of disturbance and need, going places in a deep desire to feel alive again, not attacking people or eating brains.

I have some awesome references, and some great ideas. I think the interaction with the living and the dead in REAL life is fascinating... the different ways that we feel just being in the presence of something so human that is devoid of life. It's chilling. Is it still human if it's dead? Part of me knows it is, science says it is. But somehow, it's not the same if it's dead. If it's dead, then... then... it's really just dirt waiting to be processed... imagine that hollowness walking around, craving life, harmlessly walking among the living.

Imagine someone you love. Imagine someone you love who is dead. Imagine them sitting, as they are now, in that state of decomposition.. just standing there, in teh place that they loved the most... lost among the living.

Okay, maybe that is horrific, but it's not... oh who am I kidding? What is my fascination with this....

*sigh*

I am suffering from what may be only a step down from unrequited love. Higher powers have stepped in and made haste to stay my happiness and withhold from me the object of my desires, and it pains my soul.

*sigh*

I can still pine for her. No one can take that away from me.

Kids Need a Stable Home

A lot of people talk about some sort of true meaning of Christmas, as though where it comes from has any sort of significant impact on the now. What is the significance of celebrating a day over and over again? How important is ANY holiday? I've found that culturally the holidays are extremely important as the exchange of product among people IS a foundation for an economy. It's amazing how much work that is for people to enjoy their leisure to such an extreme extent, and that work DOES translate into real world product of sorts.

But emotionally? Spiritually? Is there edification to be had for the mortal soul in such gross indulgences? Am I in effect a better perfect for helping the world around me thrive, or is there a principle difference where I am in fact better off for denouncing the excess that would make the community I live in and the country I am citizen of thrive? Is it excess to be the financial drive for someone with a dream, a dream to do nothing more in life than to dedicate the whole of their time to the creation of a fine candle, an item that would at first glance seem no more important to feeding a mouth than a pebble in a garden?

To be fair, Christmas, at one point in time, was a religious holiday, but that it is no longer a religious holiday, it boggles my mind that people get offended so much over the greeting or well wishing that comes with it. Is it somehow wrong that it no longer holds as much religious significance? I don't think so, I have to admit I am strictly in favor of anything that encourages the strong generosity and warmth of heart that a properly celebrated brings to each individual, and that is not tied to religion. I don't really care why the church picked December 25th, I'm told it is because it was a pagan holiday. I don't care why they picked that date, but the 25th is almost always cold, even in Texas, and during the coldest of the year there is no better time for warmth of any kind.

In short, I'm perplexed by the habits I've been trained with, holidays and the like, and why I celebrate them instead of simply working. Do I do the world justice by taking holiday instead of producing? It calls into question greater meanings of purpose, man given, and meaning. I have a lot to think about today, and tomorrow, but Sunday, when Sunday comes my course of action will be chosen, and I will follow that course wholeheartedly without question, because there is a time for questions, and a time for answers, and if you mix the two then there is no happiness.

Kids Need a Stable Home

Democrats in Power

I wasn't rooting for the Republicans, in fact, I didn't feel like voting at all this election because I wasn't really a fan of anyone, but I really should have voted third party.

First thing I hear after the elections is that the Democrat majority wants to raise the minimum wage. Wow, I’ve heard this before and I’m glad that bullet has been dodged until now.

It really ticks me off. If the minimum wage is raised, it decreases the value of my job, and the work I do by about half. HALF. It makes it possible for every teenager in the world to buy a stupid PS3 and it doesn’t do a single thing to improve the life of someone who can’t afford his or her living expenses. Their money is going someplace else, 9 times out of 10 I would bet on that. It really takes dedication to get stuck in a minimum wage job for life since there are so many companies that realize the value of paying workers higher.

What minimum wage does do? Inflation… devaluing the jobs of people who do earn higher than minimum wage, increases the cost of doing business in the US making the country as a whole less competitive in the world market. Pissed about companies moving their operations to India? Well raise the minimum wage and just watch how fast they run their operations over there after you increase their costs, because raising minimum wage will increase the cost for every single thing.

It just pisses me off that anyone thinks that forcing companies to pay people more will fix anything.

Give massive tax breaks to small businesses that pay their employees higher salaries, do anything like this. Pay for it by making massive companies actually pay taxes, but lord, just flat out making people pay more to people who don’t deserve it… that is flat out bad news.

Pictures!

Books

A young man, lost, with no direction and frustrated with an inability to excell anywhere struggles with wise sounding advice against reality and what to do with his life to find meaning. I don't know how it would end.

Muahahahaha