Friday, September 19, 2003

I wrote poetry:

Something Beautiful

I see a rose I bought today,
I laid it out where last night I did lay.
My eyes were sealed for untold hours,
Their lashes crusted by my tears’ powers.

I sat all day with my mind wandering,
Something beautiful I was pondering.
My knuckles white for all my soul was fighting,
My palms sting where my nails are biting.

Something inside of me is screaming,
Inside my head everything is steaming.
I held something beautiful in my grasp,
It was pulled away so fast I didn’t have time to gasp.

The light of the whole world dimmed,
Every breath I take is now shortly trimmed.
Within me I feel nothing but burning coal,
My whole world is gone I no longer have a goal.

Part of me screams that all I want is to have it back,
But my trust is gone and would always lack.
Sometimes things just can never be returned,
The thoughts that I can ever have it again are spurned.

This rose breaks my will it mocks my numbing pain,
All my happiness I ever felt did drain.
I grasp its stem and get pierced to the bone,
Blood just can’t take away that I am all alone.

They say move on and find another,
My loss cannot be replaced by any other.
I tear off a single petal,
The soft sound grates like breaking metal.

Every bit of my anger and hatred seethe,
I know the only way to heal is to grieve.
I want to destroy something beautiful,
Show the whole world something painful.

Ravage a flower and smash it into the earth,
Throw a book in the fire and watch it burn in the hearth.
Beautiful things make the world a better place,
I want to steal the happiness from another face.

I want to destroy something beautiful and precious,
This craving for destruction I find is salacious.
The meaning of all my hard work,
Was lost to something that in the shadows did lurk.

To destroy something unique unseen by anyone,
BREAK the happiness that already belongs to some other one.
Blind by rage and veins flowing with anger,
I just want to lash out and hurt a total stranger.

I can’t do anything to help myself heal.
With emptiness inside it’s all I can do just to feel.
Everything feels like it’s hollow and looks like it’s gray,
The feeling that nothing is real anymore just won’t go away.

I don’t know why I’m crying again from this emotional fall,
Cause my senses are yelling that I can’t feel anything at all.
The aching cuts in my hand feel worn and tired and run with blood,
Flowers I smashed in the soil are caked with reddening mud.

My lips salted with my tears are burning,
Everything in my stomach is churning.
The strength in my knees starts to slip,
Their crash to the ground is like an eternal trip.

It all starts to leave, all the anger and fear,
I’m losing again what I began to hold dear.
The hurt and the rejection, everything I just bundled inside,
They slid through my grip even as I cried.

I feel so empty now and hurt and lonely,
I guess there really is a one and only.
I feel like all I have left to love is me,
I want the world to just let my pain be.

I took a pirate aptitude test:

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

You have been warned.

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