Monday, August 01, 2005

Sandy more crashed onto the floor than sat, though no bruises were gained anywhere, and the side of the bed easily caught the extra weight rather than allowing the body to slump into a slouched sitting up position, every drooping feature a indication of a fraction of the many emotions swirling broken and unchecked within, so fast and unchecked that it was impossible to tell whether they were pain, sadness, or even a touch of relief of some kind. Tears began to flow unchecked and those useless fingers dragged on the floor, unmoving, as though in rebelion to ever desire to wipe the eyes that drained drop by drop down damp cheeks.

Someone banged their fist against the door, knocking loudly, and firmly, but questioningly. The name, Sandy, drifted through the door with all the strength and firm resolve of a sheet of tissue as it wavered and folded and feel silent before the entire word was even out. The very space around seemed so impossibly different than it had only a few seconds ago and not a single thing about it had changed. Even the things on the floor had remained un-moved despite the violent shuffling of feet moments before. There was a hollow feeling to everything. It seemed to Sandy as though behind every visible surface lurked a dark emptiness that would forever be unchallenged as it grew and pulsed with an audible heart-beat, and as though every little thing could at any moment give way.

Nothing can cure this, or make it better, or go away. Why feel it now? Why ever feel it at all? And with these thoughts, and many more, Sandy wiped the flowing tears from one eye. Nothing is worth feeling like this.

Everything was like lead. Crystal blue eyelids slowly pulsed down, so tired, so suddenly. How can anyone lay awake with so much darkness crowding in from every wall? And so the lashes interlocked as the dim light from the south facing window, shaded by a tree keeping the noon sun away, was shut out of those eyes that, for the moment, felt like they were a thousand years old.

Sleep. Such embracing sleep. So many tears inside flowing out. Sleep at long, long last, like the most comforting mother's hug in all the world, came and embraced Sandy. And the tears continued to flow, salty sweet as they dripped one by one.

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