Monday, August 25, 2003

Well, I called it, friday night rocked hard, a grand total of some eleven odd guests were there all at one time, there was Super Smash bros. and there was battlegrounds, but by saturday there was nothing but Star Wars Galaxies... the hamburgers were amazing and so were the hotdogs and grilling them was fun. I feel really sick inside though, saturday, amid all the fun a whole bunch of personal shit hit the fan for me. I found out that two of the friends I know and generally consider to be healthy people were real dumbasses, and went and smoked weed with some of the guests who are not regulars at my residence, ditching real tobacco in my wastebasket for my mother to find. It felt kinda like betrayal and I am pissed at both of them. I found out right after the burgers are done so after the delicious chewing and savoring the flavor mine didn't sit well. Then later that day something really awesome happened during the downtime, Gabby got back from camp and was online. I had company so I didn't have much time, or even the emotional capacity, to stay online and talk to her much longer than to find out that she had met a great guy at camp. I don't know if they started getting serious at camp, or if it's still a good friends but maybe hope for more thing, or if he had just asked her out. She was very sketchy about it, I'm pretty happy for her, she hasn't had a whole lot of people in her life for about a year or so now. Well, I got Tron 2.0 when we went to get Joe his copy of Galaxies... which in retrospect made me feel like crap. I have more important stuff to do that game. It's days like this I'm tempted to swear off gaming. Even if the things I want to do are just other hobbies.

Jason called again this weekend, last time he called was the weekend of my first blog post. That guy has got a knack for calling when I have 10 people at my house and at least 3 vying for my attention because we're on the same team in battlegrounds or we're trying to hunt in galaxies or we need to move the frontline up in DoD (which somewhat surprisingly got no play whatsoever this weekend) and maybe someone needs to know where the food is and someone is just trying to talk to me and I'm trying to pay attention to the phone. Eveything outside oft he phone blends together and is possible, add the phone in and you have a natural skill to block out the rest of the world while you communicate and its like havock, no one knows if youre talking to the phone or them, though we did get a little bit of good talking in about comics.

Then everything broke up and went home about 2 a.m. and I kept on till 4 and woke up at 10 and played Tron till it was time to go to my dad's house at 3:30 where I spent some quality time with his cat while I talked with him. If it hadn't been for the kitty in my lap... sigh... sometimes you just feel bad and you can't put why into words. After talking with my dad about school and college we went to go see Pirates of the Caribbean, the best movie of the summer if you haven't seen it yet. I hope to god they don't make a sequel. It was great fun and I started to feel better, both my dad and his lovely wife Mary Ellen enjoyed the movie and afterward they treated me to one of the best restaurants I've been to in a [i]very[/i] long time, H.B.'s Japanese Steak house. It's of the variety where you get to watch the chef prepare your meal for you at a table of like 3 or four tables and they do all sorts of fun things like juggling spinning eggs on their spatulla and setting fire to hot table surface or making a fire spewing volcano out of a stack of grilling onions. The food melted in my mouth and when I looked at the prices on the menu I realized I could afford to go there on my own even as the food was not overly expensive but rather extremely fair despite the service. While we were there my dad talked to me some more about school... and then later when we got home too. It's a subject that tears me up inside. I don't know what I want to do and that worries me because I feel like I should be doing something not just for a hobby.

Partly I really love where I am in life, I am very happy. Maybe I'm too comfortable and I need to shake up my life a little bit. I don't know and frankly... it's not easy to think about let alone talk about because of the great difficulty of communicating one's thoughts.

I probably have a lot more to say, but I'm not going to, it hurts to share and I've shared the equivilent of a knife to my abdomen here. I'm depressed and I feel like crap. I'll try to write tomorrow.
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