After the last few guests left the auditorium Jeffery got to work. First he picked up all the trash left in chairs, and items left behind on accident he put on the table in the back. Afterwards he started to sweep between the pews and underneath them. Three maybe four gum wrappers, probably from some of the kids, most of the adults were too close to tears. About an hour later all the wood had been polished and he was finished for the day.

Jeff walked to the open casket and looked down at the face fo the deceased. Made to look like he was only sleeping, his head resting on a pillow so soft that the living could only envy it. You couldn't tell by looking but Jeff knew that the head would bend in directions that would make you ill to look at because the neck was so cleanly broken. It had happened because of a skiing accident. He had no wife, no kids. Suddenly Jeff's nostrils stung and flared as fresh smoke wafted up into them.

He spun around startled as much by the smell as though he had been alerted to the other's presence by a punch to the back of his head. David stood there and took another drag on his cigarrette without even batting an eye as Jeff jumped. While Jeff caught his breath, David pulled the cigarrette from his mouth, the red smouldering tip leaving tracers of smoke as he moved his hand to his side and opened his mouth like a spector and a great billowing cloud of smoke poured out as he exhaled darkening his features before disipating into nothing.

" Jittery little guy, aren't you? " he said with his blue eyes leveled at Jeff.

" No... well... yeah... I mean no, I'm, " Jeff stammered as he tried to force out his sentence, " I was just thinking to myself and I didn't hear you behind me. " Then, to recover his ground he added, " How is the reception going? "

David took another drag on his cigarrette, the motion finally irritating Jeff conciously but not enough for him to mention it. " I've hosted more entertaining crowds, but I suppose there isn't anything really wrong with that. What were you thinking about? "

" I don't really know, " he answered, " mostly something along the lines of how bad a card this guy drew from the deck. I mean, he had everything that I wanted. A life of sorts, a job he probably loved, and nice little sports car, and he get's cut off on a ski trip. It's a crying shame is what my sister would say. " Jeff said as he looked back down at the guy in the casket trying to ignore the nagging feeling that Jeff should be taking care of the guests at the reception. Trying to listen to that little voice that told him he was the outsider here. That the guy in the casket was dead and the smoke wouldn't bother him.

" Cry me a river. "

" What? "

" Go ahead and cry me a river with that crying shame bullshit. If the guy had a good life what does it matter when he bites the big one? " David's eyes sparkle as he let the words burn and smoulder and mingle with the smoke wisping from his mouth and nostrils after every drag from the ever shortening cigarrette. " Everyone's got to go sometime, but what does it matter how much fun you had when your dead? You know what the crying shame is? The real irony? "

Jeff only stared.

" This fucker had a good life and he's dead, " David spit the words from his mouth, " and it doesn't make a difference cause he wouldn't have appreciated that extra week if he'd had it. It would have just been another good week. My life is a great big hole of shit and I'm still alive. If I could die a week before I'm supposed to I could appreciate that it was one less week I'd have to come to terms with. That's the real fucking shame "

He turned on his heals in a single smooth motion and walked out of the room his feet tapping on the hardwood floor. Each step resounding clearly in the silent room, each tap of a heal as clear and crisp as every word he said right before he left. When he was out of sight Jeff turned back down and took one last look at the man in the casket. He decided that he couldn't look anymore without feeling sick and he left the room as well.

"I love the stars more than anything else in the world when I look up at them at night now. They used to be just stars, but now, " Robie looked at Gabrielle with eyes that spoke wordlessly what his lips were unable to express. How much more what he saw awed him than he ever previously would have believed that it would have been possible.

She nodded back to him that she understood and to continue as she nuzzled next to his arm and looked back up into the endless night. She felt warm and safe against his arm. His voice calmed her like nothing else could have at the moment. The tears that had streaked her cheeks earlier that night had dried and she could feel their salty trails cooler than the rest of her skin.

Comforted that he didn't need to express something that he didn't know how, Robie continued, " The stars are like a great equalizer for all people. Like nothing else the stars are the same for everyone. No one has been to the stars, and no one alive today will ever visit the stars. We can compare who visited the moon and who has how many probes on mars, and even sent a chunk of metal outside the solar system, but the stars... all people are still equal beneath them. Each one just as unkown as all the others, each one beyond any conceivable distance, and when I look at them now I feel that this one thing and in this one way, I am the same as everyone else. There is no one better than me who has been to the stars, no one worse to me that hasn't been to them though I have. And in a world where there are increasingly more things and goals that make some people better or worse than others, I feel so free that this one thing makes me the same as every single person on earth. "

Gabby smiled as she listened to him. It was a really nice thought, so nice that she couldn't help but think of all the people she was mad at right now, mom, Frank, David. They didn't seem so bad right now, she even felt better about all of them, she felt a little happier. Other people made her feel happy and every time they did she felt a little love for them, right now it was Robie. There was no need to worry about other people right now, that would spoil what she had right now.

Michael leaned heavily onto the catwalk handrail, as his eyes wandered aimlessly over the internal contents of the facility. His brain simply couldn't decide what to soak in first, the dizzying height of the walk over the floor so far bellow or the machines and fans that still loomed so much higher above. It made him feel small. It made his world feel inconsistant, he could hear the plant running from a half a mile away, but here in it's heart with plugs in his ears there was only a sort of quite but dull roar that he felt in his body. He started as a hand touched him on his shoulder. When he turned around his guide motioned that it was time to move on.

The guide walked down toward a T in the catwalk and pointed at the far end of the split that went to the right to indicate that they were going to turn in that direction. Michael understood and his feet followed but he couldn't take his eyes off of the fans twirling overhead. Each blade he guessed was maybe sixty feet long. Each fan was massive as it spun overhead twirling with purpose and speed. The whole building was filled with activity but most of the machinery were inside of housings and the movement came from the people. The fans were simply godlike he thought as they made the turn and headed across teh plank to move towards the wall closest to the path that linked to the rest of the campus.

I wrote poetry:

Something Beautiful

I see a rose I bought today,
I laid it out where last night I did lay.
My eyes were sealed for untold hours,
Their lashes crusted by my tears’ powers.

I sat all day with my mind wandering,
Something beautiful I was pondering.
My knuckles white for all my soul was fighting,
My palms sting where my nails are biting.

Something inside of me is screaming,
Inside my head everything is steaming.
I held something beautiful in my grasp,
It was pulled away so fast I didn’t have time to gasp.

The light of the whole world dimmed,
Every breath I take is now shortly trimmed.
Within me I feel nothing but burning coal,
My whole world is gone I no longer have a goal.

Part of me screams that all I want is to have it back,
But my trust is gone and would always lack.
Sometimes things just can never be returned,
The thoughts that I can ever have it again are spurned.

This rose breaks my will it mocks my numbing pain,
All my happiness I ever felt did drain.
I grasp its stem and get pierced to the bone,
Blood just can’t take away that I am all alone.

They say move on and find another,
My loss cannot be replaced by any other.
I tear off a single petal,
The soft sound grates like breaking metal.

Every bit of my anger and hatred seethe,
I know the only way to heal is to grieve.
I want to destroy something beautiful,
Show the whole world something painful.

Ravage a flower and smash it into the earth,
Throw a book in the fire and watch it burn in the hearth.
Beautiful things make the world a better place,
I want to steal the happiness from another face.

I want to destroy something beautiful and precious,
This craving for destruction I find is salacious.
The meaning of all my hard work,
Was lost to something that in the shadows did lurk.

To destroy something unique unseen by anyone,
BREAK the happiness that already belongs to some other one.
Blind by rage and veins flowing with anger,
I just want to lash out and hurt a total stranger.

I can’t do anything to help myself heal.
With emptiness inside it’s all I can do just to feel.
Everything feels like it’s hollow and looks like it’s gray,
The feeling that nothing is real anymore just won’t go away.

I don’t know why I’m crying again from this emotional fall,
Cause my senses are yelling that I can’t feel anything at all.
The aching cuts in my hand feel worn and tired and run with blood,
Flowers I smashed in the soil are caked with reddening mud.

My lips salted with my tears are burning,
Everything in my stomach is churning.
The strength in my knees starts to slip,
Their crash to the ground is like an eternal trip.

It all starts to leave, all the anger and fear,
I’m losing again what I began to hold dear.
The hurt and the rejection, everything I just bundled inside,
They slid through my grip even as I cried.

I feel so empty now and hurt and lonely,
I guess there really is a one and only.
I feel like all I have left to love is me,
I want the world to just let my pain be.

I took a pirate aptitude test:

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

You have been warned.

Previously mentioned Freenet turns out to be a big disapointment after a weekend of use and abuse. As my friends were quick to point out some of the content on there was extremely offensive and illegal for good reasons, for instance pirated episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise. I will never be the same. As far as good content on there goes, there were some serious isues with speed and even availability as a page could take anywhere from a minute to sixty minutes to load if you could get it to load at all. This will not vary from user to user, it's pretty much the nature of the way the network is built and hidden to preserve annonymity.

Not much else to say. Been doing a lot of 3d work. Got a new bed.. a nice little futon thing for my room... should be comfortable, and a place for friends to sit again. I'll write more tomorrow.

Okay, I had a long post that said a lot of stuff and asked a lot of questions. It's gone now because of my stupid dialup connection. I HATE DIAL-UP. I can't wait to get home and back on my cable connection.
Earlier this week RIAA's outright confrontational behavior jumped about 1000 notches. They hate file sharing, they hate you if you share files, and now if you're an end consumer they want to get you and make you pay for what you stole. It's big enough it warranted mention by Tycho of Penny-Arcade.
I don't download music from file sharing programs much, I can't afford the CDs and I don't feel right when I have things I don't own. So I see eye to eye with Tycho's opinion, I find it kindof hard to be really mad at the RIAA for suing people for breaking the law. It mayb be silly, they may be making the worst resort instead of thinking of other models of business, but darn it they have every right to persue those interests under U.S. law and I just can't be mad at them for it. Music isn't really my thing so I can live without it.
Tycho went on further to say that perhaps equally dumb a move on the parts of consumers is to not ensure that they are anonymous. And linked to some anonymous file sharing programs. And something very cool too. I was immediately impressed with freenet as a sort of pillar of free speach in a world gone mad.
Really good people are not sane. Look at them in the movies, they let themselves die for other people. They suffer for what is right. In this case it's about taking the good with the bad of free speach. If it weren't getting more and more important to be anonymous when you did things then the world would be a better place. You can admit to crimes and not be found. Anonymity can be so easily abused. And so you must ask yourself, what cost is my freedom worth?
If you spend any length of time on freenet it will become readily apparent that anything that can be abused, will be. And yet perhaps it is best to accept the good with the bad as a price for our own freedom. There is a dark side to that kind of freedom, there will be a lot of bad things there, so enter knowing what youre getting into and remember that freedom is always faught for by the criminals who opose unjust laws.

Congradulations to me, this Blog is now unofficially interconnected with all things and is there for a full fledged member of the general mishmash of all space and time. That's quite an achievment if you lie to yourself and tell yourself that's quite an achievment.

Not much to say today, I've been working on a story that I think is pretty interesting and in my head it is actually going somewhere. Who knew right? Maybe I should outline it so I can remember where it's heading.

As none of you know because I havent said a word, my project was falsely represented in the image I have been representing it with. The full and complete project is actually rater dull and my current wallpaper came from a good amount of goofing off when I got bored and yet was impressive enough in a still to warant a followup project being requested. It was a great deal more fun to do I'll admit but I loved working on both of them and it only took a week. Which if you knew how much I really worked on it you would tell me was of course too long, unless you are familiar with my history as a procrastinator. Im lucky I didnt take four weeks. All the while I was working Joe sat behind me working away on his own project tutorials, moving ever towards real character design and animation. Stuff I am no where near, if you look carefully at my projects the simplistic nature of the models will be obviously apparent. I've got writting I want to do now, adieu.

It is an AWESOME day today. I succeeded in the first story quest for Star Wars: Galaxies. Not a huge reward but I've done my part for the rebellion against the empire. By the way, for all those interested I decided to post a link to my review for the game Tron 2.o. I've been working diligently on my project, I won't post anymore pictures though. Really that last picture wasn't even a part of the project but I got bored and I moved the project way ahead for the things I knew I would do when the details were finished and then I put a great big ball of flame and some dramatic red lighting in there which ended up having some incredible effects that were totally worth keeping. It's all well and good. My friend Gabrielle is doing a lot better and I'm really glad, I wish her all the best. Mike is doing well, his grades are high, and Zac will be back here tomorrow. I think I'll be throwing him a welcome home grilling with some of the best fajitas the world has ever tasted. Want the recipe?

Take thinly sliced skirt steak and marinade overnight in a good marinade, I can't take credit for this bit because I use a stor bought marinade, lemon pepper is the best I've found.

Slice sweet onion into rings, along with semi thin sliced strips of green red and yellow peppers for color and taste.

In an empty bowl sprinkle a little bit of wine, REAL WINE not cooking wine, a little pepper, if you have it... about a quarter of a teaspoon of habanero powder. Email me at beneath_the_sea@yahoo.com if you want some, I can either give instructions to make it or maybe send some. Some pepper and a light sprinkling of vinigar. Mix all the vegetables well to give them a very light coating, tossing them in the mixture sprinling medium doses of wine over till their color changes. Grind some more pepper over them and sprinkle ginger on them. Then finely mince a cup of cilantro and mix well, further recoating all of the vegies with the spices. Let sit all night is best, but if you do this a few hours before cooking it is fine. When the meat is drained of the marinade sprinkle with ginger and pepper. Cook meat however you do... I have a sort of wire mesh basket with a handle that lets me cook over and open fire small things like meat strips and well cut veggie strips though you always lose some of the onions as they go the most limp from cooking. Cook meat until it is half done, then mix vegetables and stir frequently till peppers are well chared and roasted and onions are tender brown and occasionally blackened on the edges. The meat should be tender and juicy, if it is dry next time add veggies earlier if it is too raw keep cooking till the meat is done and add the veggies later next time. Voila, best fajitas ever. Always Squirt with fresh lime juice JUST before eating.

Contrary to the past week I have done absolutely nothing productive today :Smile: I even woke up early to start working hard on it. Went to sleep at two a.m. and woke up at 7. Looks like some old school habits are kicking in. Maybe it's because I've been exercising lately. Its wreaking havok on me but I need it to. I am feeling a little better that i didnt alienate my good friend, but some bad things happened to them over the weekend and I am very worried... I have lots to do on my project.. i expect to be very busy all week, I need to be...

Well, yet another productive day. I spent today writing my Tron 2.o review and posting it on an obscure website in their gaming forums. It was a wonderful game and I enjoyed the ride but it's a themepark I want to leave for a while. I've been playing games a lot for a long time and lately I've been thinking of visiting other pastures before coming back. Maybe I'll do what a month ago I would have thought was a real sacrifice and not play Half-Life 2. I have comics to draw and I need inspiration for them, I have stories to write and I need characters to put in them. I have pictures to paint. Projects to finish. My life has recently felt a little empty and I need to find something to fill it with. I'm going to bend all my efforts to start trying to fill it with a Multimedia and Web Design degree from the local art institute. And if I think I can hack it, maybe a degree in Animation and Art Design instead. It's a much harder program and its a bachelor's now when even the associates was more expensive. Of course, the desire to chuck it all and move to Italy is tempting.

Another awesome weekend, a full 3 days. By sunday I had begun working on a new project. And I think I alienated someone very close to me permanently and I may never talk to her again and I'm feeling very bad about it. Worse only people who will make fun of me will probably read this and she won't. I grilled last night, and tonight. Hamburgers and hotdogs yesterday, savory marinated fajitas today. They melted in my mouth like butter... it was delicious. It was all a lot of fun, with some F-Zero thrown into the mix. I found some pictures of myself, very high quality. I'll put them online tomorrow. I felt like I had a lot to say, but I'm starting to think about how I messed up this weekend and feeling sick again, so I'm going to stop. See you later.

Well, accomplishments for today... Three new comics. Completion of Tron 2.o, come monday I'll write a review to the best of my abilities. Possibly alienating a very good friend and seperating myself forever from someone I thought I would never stop being friends with. Practicing my arnis martial arts till my thumbs blister. Beating mission 2 of F-Zero on Very Hard mode. A fourth and fifth comic still on paper. And the night is still young, it's only 9, and I'm wide awake. I think I'll go out and practice till my blisters break, because I didn't do enough footwork. I really want to box... I don't have a punching bag so I can't practice my boxing against that, maybe one of my friends will be up for some one on one with the gloves on. I've discovered I have a lot of inner agression and frankly I wouldn't mind waking up tomorrow with a million bruises and not being able to breath right for a week. For me that's kindof like prayer. I pray too, but when I pray it isn't this all consuming flame inside of me like these things are, I can leave behind and do something till I break and can't do it anymore. Jumping off a cliff is like prayer, falling out of a tree, a punch in the face, a car wreck. Frankly I'm not stupid enough to pray in the really dangerous ways, of those Ive only done 3 and only one voluntarily. I remember my last car wreck, I was facing the other way before I even knew what was happening, it took forever. When I got out of the car I could barely stand up and I was shaking. I want to not be able to stand up right now. I want to run till my body tingles and I can't breath, I want to fall on the grass and hurt. I want to get lost in the woods and I want to be afraid I'll never go home again. I want to get lost at sea and wreck on a beach. I want to do something thats so consuming that I stop feeling everything else. That's how I want to pray right now.

Wow, 3 days of productivity and I've produced 5 comic strips that have yet to be inked and loaded online. Fair warning they don't all make sense, but they make me laugh and that is what I selfishly consider to be important. Can you blame me? When I'm done with them, probably sometime this weekend I'll post them where you can find them. I think there's like a grand total of 3 people who care that I draw them... and two of them are me. Oh well, I don't have much else to say other than I'm proud of myself....

Well, goodbye Zac. It's been fun, and we'll see you when you get back. We'll poor out a bottle of rum for you. Don't let Star Wars: Galaxies get you kicked out.

My mom told me I need to give her 500 a month to keep the house, I told her yes, but I can't afford that. I barely scrape by as it is with all my other bills, 250 to her, 100 insurance, 100 for the truck, 50 for the cable and often 70 for the cell phone. Which my mother had gotten me to let her get a phone on, but then lied to me and said her sprint contract was 3 year and I was lucky that Verizon let me cancel her and waved the cancelation fee. And I got a comic strip out of listening to their on hold messages. It had one of the most amusing messages I've ever heard and I HAVE to draw a comic about it. So it's the street or poverty in an apartment with no college.

Good news: In the past 2 days I've drawn 3 comics, how cool is that? And tomorrow I could be reviewing Tron 2.o. It's been a genuinely productive week with writing and drawing on a daily basis, I've started exercising and practicing my martial arts. And to top it off I've STILL had time for SWG and Tron. Go figure, right? Not to mention my awesome sunday, I need to live every week like this week.

I think I'll be looking for an apartment soon maybe, honestly my only requirement is that it has cable or dsl internet connection so that i can run my webpage with my work on it.

All I have to say as a self concerned individual who is starting to think that he can't afford to even APPLY at the art institute?

When you're blue
and you don't know where to go to
why dont you go where fasion sits
Puttin' on the Ritz!

What do you know, I actually saw fit to draw two comics that are not yet on my comics page. Frankly I've been lax, cause I have FOUR comics now that I have yet to ink and post. I'm the perfect example of a genetically engineered slacker. A normal human couldn't procrastinate like me if they tried, I'm that good at it. You see this? Why didn't I post this earlier? Ask yourself, how did it take me an hour to write this paragraph? Oh well, I'd change, but there's plenty of time to change later and I don't feel like working on it today.

I started writing a whole new story that I really like that I want to set in a desert with a very strong and tribal theme that I've always wanted to use in a story since I first listened to the Mechwarrior 2 music. There's an unspoken passion in tribalism that maybe I'm imagining, it's one of the things that makes stories like the last of the mohicans good. I really want to work in the theme of history in the land you walk on, only from a different perspective, while in last of the mohicans they spoke of the new world wanding over where they once walked my story will focus on characters striving to remember all of those who have walked before them in everything they do. I thought a post nuclear setting would be good when my friend Jason told me he was making a Fallout comic, and I even considered using the Fallout universe myself, but decided against it in the end. Well, maybe I've decided. I'm very uncertain about these things. Sometimes I feel the only thing missing from books is you can't hear the music the author was hearing when they wrote it.

Tron 2.o IS the best game I've played this year. Nothing short of stunning, when it's not frustrating anyway. The problem comes from some very steep dificulty that comes out of nowhere in the gameplay, even on easy. And not frustrating because you arent good enough, it feels frustrating because at times it is just random and when you play you need to do something different and it will kill you if you take too long. It ends up being fun though, the jumping puzzles are even more natural than the ones in half life and even feel like you could play through the game without half of them if you dont feel like exploring, but JEEZ if you want this game so bad why don't you want to explore?

Meanwhile I've been compulsively singing Puttin' on the Ritz.

If you're blue and you don't know,
Where to go to, why don't you go,
Where fashion sits?
Puttin' On The Ritz.
Different types, who wear a day,
Co-pants with stripes, and cut away,
Coat, perfect fits?
Puttin' On The Ritz.

Dressed up like a million dollar trooper,
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper.
Super-duper!

Come, let's mix where Rockerfellas,
Walk with sticks, or umbrellas,
In their mitts.
Puttin' On The Ritz.
Spangled gowns upon a beauty of hand-me-downs, on clown and cutie,
All misfits.
Puttin' On The Ritz.

Have you seen the well to do?
Up and down Park Avenue?
On that famous thoroughfare,
With their noses in the air?
High hats and arrowed collars,
Wide spats and fifteen dollars.
Spending every dime,
For a wonderful time!

Tips his hat just like an English chappie,
To a lady with the wealthy happy.
Very Snappy!

You'll declare it's simply topping,
To be there, and hear them swapping,
Smart titbits.
Puttin' On The Ritz.
Puttin' On The Ritz.
Puttin' On The Ritz!!

It's a pretty good day. Ive been playing a ton of Tron 2.o and I am thoroughly impressed. The game has aesthetic beauty, the feel of the movie, and evolved gameplay that feels somewhere between Deus Ex and half life. It's not quite as good as either one, it lacks the pure action of half life and the intense narative of Deus Ex, but on its own it achieves its' own greatness.

I tried reading another book by Robert Anton Wilson, I can't help that I think the guys' writing just sucks. I know his work is well loved, and has inspired some inherently good things. But when I read his writing I'm left with something very disjointed and superficial and I just can't appreciate something with that little real substance that's that gratuitous. And Schrodinger's Cat isn't any better, well not a lot better. Anyway, so I quit reading it after about 30 minutes and said I can write better than that. And I started trying, but frankly I can't write nearly as MUCH as that. I just don't have the focus, I really need to develope it. And it makes me sick every time I look at the list of things that I started writing got maybe a chapter or two of and just never touched again, it's like my art and it makes me sick with myself. I hope no one reads this but I'm pretty sure someone will, my best hope is to update again and just hope no one looks through my archive.

I got rid of my broken bed last night, my mom found someone who wanted it and so I moved it there and after work I'm going there to put it together cause we forgot the bolts and screws. Cest' la vie. Soon I'll have a comfortable couch to sleep on, not that I wasn't sleeping on it already, now it will just be in my room. I just started feeling really bad again... post and publish.

Well, I called it, friday night rocked hard, a grand total of some eleven odd guests were there all at one time, there was Super Smash bros. and there was battlegrounds, but by saturday there was nothing but Star Wars Galaxies... the hamburgers were amazing and so were the hotdogs and grilling them was fun. I feel really sick inside though, saturday, amid all the fun a whole bunch of personal shit hit the fan for me. I found out that two of the friends I know and generally consider to be healthy people were real dumbasses, and went and smoked weed with some of the guests who are not regulars at my residence, ditching real tobacco in my wastebasket for my mother to find. It felt kinda like betrayal and I am pissed at both of them. I found out right after the burgers are done so after the delicious chewing and savoring the flavor mine didn't sit well. Then later that day something really awesome happened during the downtime, Gabby got back from camp and was online. I had company so I didn't have much time, or even the emotional capacity, to stay online and talk to her much longer than to find out that she had met a great guy at camp. I don't know if they started getting serious at camp, or if it's still a good friends but maybe hope for more thing, or if he had just asked her out. She was very sketchy about it, I'm pretty happy for her, she hasn't had a whole lot of people in her life for about a year or so now. Well, I got Tron 2.0 when we went to get Joe his copy of Galaxies... which in retrospect made me feel like crap. I have more important stuff to do that game. It's days like this I'm tempted to swear off gaming. Even if the things I want to do are just other hobbies.

Jason called again this weekend, last time he called was the weekend of my first blog post. That guy has got a knack for calling when I have 10 people at my house and at least 3 vying for my attention because we're on the same team in battlegrounds or we're trying to hunt in galaxies or we need to move the frontline up in DoD (which somewhat surprisingly got no play whatsoever this weekend) and maybe someone needs to know where the food is and someone is just trying to talk to me and I'm trying to pay attention to the phone. Eveything outside oft he phone blends together and is possible, add the phone in and you have a natural skill to block out the rest of the world while you communicate and its like havock, no one knows if youre talking to the phone or them, though we did get a little bit of good talking in about comics.

Then everything broke up and went home about 2 a.m. and I kept on till 4 and woke up at 10 and played Tron till it was time to go to my dad's house at 3:30 where I spent some quality time with his cat while I talked with him. If it hadn't been for the kitty in my lap... sigh... sometimes you just feel bad and you can't put why into words. After talking with my dad about school and college we went to go see Pirates of the Caribbean, the best movie of the summer if you haven't seen it yet. I hope to god they don't make a sequel. It was great fun and I started to feel better, both my dad and his lovely wife Mary Ellen enjoyed the movie and afterward they treated me to one of the best restaurants I've been to in a [i]very[/i] long time, H.B.'s Japanese Steak house. It's of the variety where you get to watch the chef prepare your meal for you at a table of like 3 or four tables and they do all sorts of fun things like juggling spinning eggs on their spatulla and setting fire to hot table surface or making a fire spewing volcano out of a stack of grilling onions. The food melted in my mouth and when I looked at the prices on the menu I realized I could afford to go there on my own even as the food was not overly expensive but rather extremely fair despite the service. While we were there my dad talked to me some more about school... and then later when we got home too. It's a subject that tears me up inside. I don't know what I want to do and that worries me because I feel like I should be doing something not just for a hobby.

Partly I really love where I am in life, I am very happy. Maybe I'm too comfortable and I need to shake up my life a little bit. I don't know and frankly... it's not easy to think about let alone talk about because of the great difficulty of communicating one's thoughts.

I probably have a lot more to say, but I'm not going to, it hurts to share and I've shared the equivilent of a knife to my abdomen here. I'm depressed and I feel like crap. I'll try to write tomorrow.

Today the LAN party begins, Mike and Zac are bringing their machines over for one last lan before Zac head off to college. He'll do awesome there, we all know he will and this will be our last goodbye, along with hotdogs and hamburgers grilled outside on my personal grill. Hell, maybe I'll splurge and make some of my kick ass fajitas. Chris is expected to spend some time there hanging out with us and gaming, as well as Joe, Jackson, Justin and maybe a few people might show up on the fly. All in all this weekend looks really promising for a ton of fun. Big surprise for this week: SWG looks like the game that will get the most play as at least 3 of us have accounts and characters on the same server and perhaps a fourth will join by this evening or saturday. That will be a first MMORPG to be game of honor at a LAN for me. Naturally other games on the agenda will include The Battle Grounds, a revolutionary war mod for half life staring one shot weapons with 40 second reloads, Day of Defeat, a past favorite and most played game in our LAN history Day of Defeat will recieve very little play, but i would not be surprised if it got a small chunk of play time, and last but not least a small list of GameCube and XBox games both multiplayer and singleplayer.

After playing the Demo for Tron 2.o a few weeks ago it became apparent that I need to purchase this game when it lands in stores this monday. Games that are as fun as that demo are pretty rare.

In other news, last night I was able to download and watch the full Deus Ex: Invisible War intro movie. How do I want this game, let me count the ways.... the video by itself, minus all previous knowledge of the game offers about a million reasons, it is going to be AWESOME. Maybe more action oriented than Deus Ex while being less so at the same time. I have untold fondness for the original work by Warren Spector, primary influence on other titles which have had me blowing hot air for hours on their merrit such as System Shock 2. This is one of my heroes, and the Looking Glass logo will be sorely missed at the beginning of his games, but life will go on and his games will continue to be some of the most enjoyable you can ever play, past and present. It is a shame it has been pushed back to a December release date, but you know what? I don't mind, there's enough games coming out to keep me entertained and happy until then.

Wednesday is here, and last night I bought my first pet on Star Wars: Galaxies, a nice peko that's at least as big as me. Well, that's no acomplishment, heck a tall jawa has me beat. Aside from that, not much has changed. I'm working on a comic book story line, that's been fun. And I need to work on my comic strip. I feel like I've been abandoning everything important to me lately. I did a lot of stuff and now, nothing but Star Wars: Galaxies till 4 every morning. Gabby has been gone to camp since sunday and I didn't get to say goodbye to her, I'm really missing her company. Here's a list of things I've started and havent done anything on in a month:

1) Programming my version of minesweeper
2) The Story of Edward
3) Applying to the art institute
4) Reading Dante's Divine Comedy: The Inferno (a decent book, but a dense read)
5) Inking 2 comic strips already drawn
6) Drawing new strips
7) Drawing a comic book
8) Playing a clan game of Battlegrounds
9) Updating my blog daily
10) The list has got to end somewhere....


So, in other news I'm getting really good at making these blog entries really long if you havent noticed. On the other hand, I have made some minor accomplishments. I played Elite Force II hardcore and then reviewed it in good time, now I should really do the same for Lionheart and Galaxies. Ive been exercising on a daily basis and I've been spending time with friends, maybe if i cut that down I might do more, or I might just cut down on that and end up doing nothing at all.