Raise Your Jolly Roger in the Name of Inevitability

So, Cambodia, which does not have an extradition treaty with Sweden, and certainly has no problem letting your average fugitive run free, generally for more horrendous crimes than making it slightly easier to find and download copyrighted music and videos, has detained the co-founder of The Pirate Bay. They don't even have a law that on its face allows them to detain and extradite a fugitive from Sweden, but they are working very hard to find one under which they can do it anyway.

This smells. This really stinks of a deal poisoned with money.



I'm not worried though. This isn't even an issue of right and wrong. This is an issue of inevitability and reality. These industries in their death are trying to hold back a flood with their hands rather than learning to swim. Some people will go to jail, but it's a losing battle.

You cannot fight piracy by trying to lock down your data. It is impossible, the very act of making your data available to anyone breaks this. People are generally willing to pay for service. I recommend that they start fighting piracy by making a product that competes with it instead of one that is inferior to it.

I buy my games from steam because even though they can track what I've done they provide the amazing service of maintaining my library and making my games available to me whenever and wherever I go along with more and more cloud saves. In contrast, 10 years ago, every single game I purchased I had to find a cd crack for in order to keep from having to root around through my CDs or dvds to get to whatever games I felt like playing that day.

The future is here. Sink or swim.

I Will Be King of the Monsters

I will escape and run away, and I will find where the wild things are, and I will be their new king. Till I get bored and lonely and want to go home.

I will witness miracles and awesome forces of nature destroy the world and rebuild it and destroy it again. And I will be a force of nature. Burn the world.

Music Ought to Make You...

Melissa Nicole covers Glad You Came by The Wanted



Lately I have been thinking about some things.

Everything is Music

Today has been a really relaxing and beautiful day so far. I've enjoyed doing quite a bit of reading this morning. I'm almost done with the third Sword of Truth book, and I've also gotten pretty far through A Clash of Kings. I'm a little over halfway through the story, and so far I am loving it. Also, last night I went and read through the last 4 issues of The Walking Dead that I was behind on.

I've kindof slowed down on reading The Sandman, the second graphic novel just isn't as involving to me as the first was, it hasn't managed to make me feel invested in the characters. That may be my problem and not the book's though.

This weekend I ate at the Brick House with my parents, I like it, but last week I got to try out a new bar called The Hay Merchant. I liked it immensely and I'd like to introduce my parents to it, I think they would enjoy it a lot. The beer and food were excellent and they had reasonable prices, too.

This week I feel like doing some cooking, though I don't know what to cook, yet. If anyone has any suggestions, I am open to them, just post them in my comments below. I am planning on stopping by the grocery store on the way home. While I'm there, maybe something will pop out at me that I will be impressed with.

Anyway, I have some cool new projects that I've started on, looking forward to actually showing them off  when they reach a state of more maturity.

Love and Darkness and My Sidearm

I like singers with scratchy voices and sad songs. I also like singers with all kinds of voices and amazingly beautiful songs.



Some days I just feel a little depressed, and it's like nothing in the world can make me feel better. I know that life is good, but it just all feels bad. Everything is bleakest when I feel like I am in the dark, and I don't know where I'm going or if I am doing the right thing. Sometimes I'm worried that there isn't a right decision and that I am left with the difficult choice of two bad decisions. During those times, I find that I am lucky enough to stumble on a ray of light that shines brighter than it would at any other time. It is almost universally love.

Love and darkness seem to go hand in hand together in a beautiful way, both at my side in the world.

And I always carry my sidearm. My sidearm is a puppy. A beautiful little puppy who hails from a field of wildflowers and represents your mortality.

She represents your mortality like a motherfucker.

No moon in the still heaven,

In the black water none

Like the Dark Ages

So, I quit Comcast about a month ago and started using the basic service from Clear internet. A month of this slow internet is torture. I wake up in sweats only to realize that the nightmare is for real. I run over to check my email and it takes 10 seconds to load. There is no escaping it. So, back to Comcast today. I should be up and running with the dark side of the force by tonight. I hope.

Last night I ate at The Hay Merchant, an awesome bar at 1100 Westheimer. Had some trouble finding it, as it is inadequately labeled from the outside. The beer was divine, the food was excellent, and I had a really really good time. Scott had their gumbo, and I had their crispy lamb croquettes, and was very impressed.

Looking forward to having quality internet again... and returning to the world from the dark ages.

I'm Not Going to Talk About the Olympics

Would 10 year old me have been surprised if I had told them that I would like the remake of Total Recall better than I liked the third Christopher Knowland's Dark Knight Rises? Probably not. That little boy would not have even known what you were talking about, because he was not allowed to watch those kinds of movies. I will say that despite my perspective as a child, I am today surprised to find that I feel that way.

More importantly, I'm a little surprised to find that I like the new Total Recall remake at all. You will notice, and this is important, that the last logo that flashes before the title screen is, "Original Film". I got a laugh out of that. The recipe was pretty simple, rework over a solid sci-fi action story, cast it with better actors, and revamp it with modern special effects. The only downside to that formula is applying it to a movie that didn't really need to be re-worked. The original Total Recall still holds up very well. Great writing, and really fun directing produced what is pretty much a classic. It's also from a time period where a large part of translating science fiction into movies was the "fortune telling" aspect of it. You'll find some of that in the new movie, though, which was a nice throwback.

There were some great foreground gags and misdirections. They were pretty obvious and it would spoil it to mention them, but the remake actually makes use of its being based on a previous movie to misdirect the viewer a few times in fun ways. It was clever how once or twice the important action was moved to the background and it kind of left me with a cool feeling even though I knew what was happening.

The action is pretty blah, and the characters are purely unoriginal, but that's sort of the point of the whole story. The over the top action styling works in favor of the gimmick of the plot. It's a great effect, and because of the slightly different slant the movie takes from the path of the original, it works great.

Definitely a good movie to watch for fans of the original, and fans of good thought provoking sci fi in general.

Once You Have Learned to Play Music

I found this great rock version of Bach's Minuet in G Major on youtube.

There is a peerless sense of wonder at exploring and instrument, even after years of working your fingers delicately across its notes. The endless expression that it is capable of ought to inspire anyone with absolute wonder. So much so that I cannot imagine anyone losing that sense of amazement even after a lifetime. It's the way I believe people ought to feel about language, and probably would if it didn't spill meaninglessly out of their mouths every single day without an appreciation of exactly what it is capable of.

Archimedes' lever was language, and music is only an entirely new list of words. No greater tool has ever been used on the earth than language, and all other accomplishments were only achieved through its use.

Every single note is important, and beautiful.

Some Things Need to be Censored

I'm typing this up while I have a very tiny dog sleeping on my lap. It's extremely cozy.

Last weekend I went up to Dallas to visit my grandparents, and while I was there I saw my aunt Karen, and my uncle Greg, his wife, and my sister Teruwah. It was a really good weekend, and it was all too short before heading back home. While we were stopped in a small town and I decided to try a small bbq restaurant that I'd never tried before, Dickey's. I really want to ultimately try all the bbq that I can't get in Houston on my road trips between Dallas and San Antonio. Just so happens, though, that when we got back and went for dinner at Outback Steakhouse, the old restaurant that's been closed nextdoor to them for a long while is being turned into a... Dickey's. I thought that was amusing.

So, I beat Torchlight last night, and I've been putting in the hours to really make mincemeat out of all of Dungeon Defenders with my friend Jason. Other than that, I've really been excitedly playing Gemini Rue, which is an incredibly excellent point and click adventure game that even has mid 90's grade graphics.

If you have not seen this last thing... it is a must.



And The Moon And The Stars And The World.

The Dark Knight Rises Review

The Dark Knight Rises is an easy movie to recommend. Christopher Nolan has created another must see for anyone who has watched Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, and so there just isn't really much to say that will help anyone decide whether they're going to see the movie or not. The cinematography is good, the characters are good, all the actors are good, the action is well paced and explosive, the toys are cool, the ideas are even good, and the movie as a whole is pretty good, even though after all of this is where it starts to fall apart a bit. This movie with a very difficult to shorten name is probably around as good as Batman Begins, maybe a little worse, maybe a little better depending on your tastes and which problems bug you more.

I really want to emphasize how much I like this movie early on, because it's where I come down finally and officially. It's a good movie, and I enjoyed it on a number of levels, and I really want that to stick when I say what I have to about this movie. The basic setup for this movie without giving away anything that isn't in the trailer or the first five minutes is that Batman has well and truly retired from crime fighting. His crime fighting actions seemed to be unnecessary after legislation was passed in the name of Harvey Dent, based on the lie that he died a sane and not criminally insane shining example of all the great qualities the city needs, legislation that allowed Gotham to lock away the entirety of its mob problem into Blackgate Prison. Selena Kyle(who is never once called cat woman, which was kinda cool) is running around the city as a bit of a wildcard, and Bane arrives with some dark motives.

The opening starts off with some great ideas. The entire peace of Gotham based on vigilantism and lies being a reckless and fragile peace, and there is a lot of promise there. Unfortunately, this and a lot of other great ideas that develop in the movie tend to fail to come to a really well executed fruition. Maybe about five of eight great ideas are solidly delivered. A lot of the problems are built into the execution, and I honestly don't know what happened, but some of the execution just felt lazy. The opening of the movie is just a one two punch of characters looking at each other and asking overly verbose questions that spell out the important events from previous movies. It's not like this sin has never been committed by a good movie before, and it certainly doesn't drag this movie down much. The reason I mention it is because it's just a good example of the way the movie tends to slip up when it does.

There are some passing ideas about class warfare and some picket sign statements about the excesses of the wealthy in there for motivation, but they're never really given the touch of importance that makes them significant to the movie. The pacing is off a bit, and in one or two places that I simply can't talk about it, they did some things that were supposed to be a nod to fans of the comics, but they even managed to make that feel heavy handed and wrong.

All that said, while it's a bit of a mess, it only feels that way in that the ideas that didn't work or come together well were so good that you can see how great this movie would have been if they had. It's like it was one off of being a cut above even The Dark Knight. None of the problems are glaring though, and the Dark Knight Rises is still very easy to recommend to anyone as an enjoyable movie overall.

I'm Like Beef Jerkey Coated in Chocolate

I didn't sleep on tuesday night. Partly because I didn't have to. I had wednesday off and I knew I could stay up as late as I wanted and sleep as late as I wanted. I didn't sleep at all last night, though. And I had work at 7 this morning. It's raining outside, and I'm surrounded by this constant cascade on the roof and door and walls and window. It's beautiful in so many ways. I don't think not having to work is why I didn't sleep on tuesday. I think it's the same reason I didn't sleep last night.

I guess I lost another friend. Mostly I was wondering if there was anything I could have done differently, or should have done differently. I started thinking about all the times I've lost people I was close to before. When you see one friendship go down in flames you start to think of all the ones that have. This wasn't the biggest one, in fact, it was relatively minor. But it got me thinking.



So I ended up laying in bed with my eyes closed and just trying to will myself to sleep, and to dream. Not just any dream, though. I wanted to dream of flying. It's some of the happiest dreaming I've ever had. I remember throwing myself at the ground and missing. It was exactly like Douglas Adams described it in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. You throw yourself to the ground and you just lazily lift up. You can't steer, just.. drift.. fast or slow or up or down. I wanted that.

You can't ever go home again. That's not always a negative truth. For me, once I start caring for someone I can't ever stop, I think, and that's a good feeling, because caring is passionate and beautiful. I move on, and I get distanced, but I don't stop caring. You can't ever just be strangers with someone ever again. You know who they are in their head and when you know that, you only need five minutes and it's like they were never gone. You can't ever undo that kind of friendship, even if something comes between you so big and so disruptive that they can't ever be around you ever again.

Anywho. Maybe I'm going to try and get some rest at work.. maybe do some sleeping to the sound of rain falling. Good night, all.

If We Had Forever, Would Never Be Enough

It is a little considered fact that the shadows are blackest where the light shines brightest. Logic then follows that there are darker ills in heaven than fill the deepest pits of hell.



And to think that while dying Cthulhu dreams. Though all the race of man be but a moment, and the men before, and those dread things that came even before that, the drowned god still slumbers. Can you fathom so many dreams, dreams of things before the earth itself was pressed together from shapeless mass drifting through heat and darkness? Do we dream, do you think? Perhaps all dreaming, waking and asleep, are the moments that our minds touch together with not just each other, but with the darkness that sleeps for all time. For we are never any closer to that darkness than when we sleep, or drift away, or let our attention wander away from the here and now, and close things share.

If this be the root, the heart, the start and finish of all dreams together, then the brief pieces we share one at a time across even a lifetime are but an incomplete thought. Were we to stave off death for a thousand years we may catch only a wisp, a breath, a whisper of an idea. Ideas are life and death and even something more, because ideas do not die. Empires have crumbled in the wake of the scratches made by a trembling old hand in its dying moments. Then what horrors will we wake to when we cease to dream?

We sanitize our witches with clean white rooms, and pure white coats, but they embody the same madness. Find what has never been done before, and do that next. Shine the light so bright that all the ills of the world are driven back into the tiniest holes. If they could, they would offer you eternal wakefulness in a pill, and a lifetime of mindfulness, and years innumerable at that. When dreams and death may die through sorcery or science. The means makes little difference to the ends of such things. If dreams are the burden of madness shared...



I felt like writing a little creative fiction. Had fun with several ideas that I've had independently sort of mingle all together at once. Hope everyone enjoys this little soliloquy.

The Source of Life

David Scott 06/12/12

I had a rousing debate the other night over a delicious dinner as to the state of the world. It was posed to me by two therapists that the world was in a constant worsening state of turmoil and insanity and emotional distress, and in such a debate, there is no hard evidence one way or the other, but their anecdotal evidence of their personal workload was very compelling. Certainly, if you look around the globe there is no shortage of horror stories, this year. It's as though everyone has fallen into a bit of a dark place. Race and immigration riots in Israel, killers in Canada, violent assaults across the United States. The massacres in Syria. There are economic issues in Greece, and drug wars boiling under the surface everywhere you go. And certainly any sort of feeling soul, and loving human being might ask what sort of God would allow such a world to continue to bring about such endless pain and misery.



Would it be entirely unfair to suggest a monstrous one? Would it even be possible to find evidence to refute that claim? For the sake of simplicity, assume the Judeo-Christian God of the Bible, and then ask yourself if you might compare a God who describes himself as jealous and vengeful to an abusive parent.

Now, certainly an Atheist would use this ammunition as evidence against the existence of a deity. I've heard it argued more than once that the monstrous nature of our supposed creator is evidence of non existence. That argument doesn't make any sense to me, though. It's certainly a good argument for why you would not want to believe in something, though. God is a beast of nightmares, certainly, who has visited plagues in the night on entire peoples, and delivered countless into their violent ends, and often with no warning.



Now, I don't know if I've ever shared this before, but from what I have seen and experienced in my speck of existence, what would be generous to even call a dot in all of space an time, I have seen that monsters create. Good souls empty out their hearts trying to bandage the dying, but death is everywhere, and everything is falling apart. You're born falling apart, and so is everything else.

Our sun is dying.



It always has been. Someday it will be broken and scattered and it will tear apart whatever is left behind orbiting it. What we are even at this very moment is a compilation of the remains of stars whose light will never touch us. We are the center of a universe that is expanding so fast that as long as we are limited by what we see.. we will never, ever, ever know what is beyond our event horizon. It is expanding so fast, that from far enough out, light simply cannot travel fast enough to reach us here on our isolated little spot. That there is no telling what lies beyond that horizon. Or even what stars we see now that have passed beyond it. As they hit that point, they released light that will slowly reach us for infinity, the light right at the event horizon is infinite and red.

But I digress. While people with good hearts strive endlessly to patch up the ripping apart and dying world, new things are constantly being born in the remains of the old.



I argued that the world is continually improving. That things are better today than they ever have before. But I'm not going to recount my argument here. If you're interested, try to imagine what I argued. I'm interested in hearing posters thoughts about why I might think that the world today is an ever improving place.

Today's the Day

How Easily Love and Hate Mingle

The Blood Orange - by David Scott

Tasting of perfect essence
flowering as the surface is pierced
spritzing into the air
with an aroma which haunts the room
and the fruit is blinding in its rich color
as it dulls the rest of the world by contrast.

I can already taste it on my lips
even before I watch the first errant drops fall
though powerless to contain them
as if I would
they do not escape my eyes
as if they could.

I will always taste this,
and I will never taste it again.

Any Animal that Doesn't Need a Bath is Not of This Earth

I don't know how to feel about the fact that some of the places I shop have started thinking about my birthday even before I have. Adagio sent me a replacement filter and packed in with my order a happy birthday card and a free sample of Birthday Tea. It has sprinkles. I suppose I don't take this as a bad thing, it's not that I don't fully celebrate the amazing nature of yet another year of cherished and amazing experiences and wisdom. It's just that how I celebrate my birthday is just about a given, and what I care about most is spending time with people I consider to be family. One of my most relaxing retreats is to indulge in cooking a very nice meal. Yeah. Davidfest is just about an established tradition, and I'm looking forward to breaking out my grill in a little over a week.

So I found out about an interesting new issue that I guess makes absolutely complete sense, but at the same time kind of crept up out of nowhere. This is going to become a very serious issue if some kind of resolution isn't found. It's a little rougher than the IPv4 limits.

It has been a very big year. So many good changes, and I've grown close to so many good people. I've settled into my new house, Zac, one of my closest friends, has moved in with me. My mom started her new job, and now has a new car and fewer financial worries. My step mom retired from a job she found stressful and has started her private practice again. Lousianime has grown and even changed cities. Mike moved to Germany. Jake has moved out into his own apartment. Jackson and Marcia got married. Almost everyone I know has been promoted or otherwise grown in their chosen profession. Some days, I am simply at a genuine loss for how to feel about how much change can happen in what seems like an otherwise normal year. It's creeping in nature, one change at a time. Before my birthday I will be business partners with not just one, but two of my childhood friends. That's something that a lot of people dream about and talk about but never accomplish.

I learned how to play the song Blackbird. Almost no other song I've ever heard has played in my ears like the sweet notes of that beautiful tune. It touches every emotion in my spectrum, and I am so glad to play it, and I try to play it every single day, and it feels special every single time. I've grown as a guitarist all year long.

This year I'm also proud of how much I've grown as a chef, with how much I've learned. I've put in time and effort, and studied, and I believe that I am more capable than ever. I've made habanero jelly that is the color of sunset twice.

And, that's just off the top of my head.

In the next year I plan to:

* Draw
* Write for NaNoWriMo again
* Pass the CCNA
* Get together a brew setup at my own home
* Learn to play Stairway to Heaven
* Program a new game
* Get a new car
* Make love more passionately
* Find new things that I don't even know I want to do, yet

If you know me, and you remember something good about the last 12 months, or even any significant memory, please leave a comment. I'd like to reminisce...

My potatoes bring all the Irish to the yard,
and they're like, "That famine was hard."
Damn right, that famine was hard!
I could feed you. But you'll have to starve.

We Can't Always Wax Poetic

A beautiful painting by Rafal Olbinski.

Fragment by Amy Lowell
What is poetry? Is it a mosaic
Of coloured stones which curiously are wrought
Into a pattern? Rather glass that's taught
By patient labor any hue to take
And glowing with a sumptuous splendor, make
Beauty a thing of awe; where sunbeams caught,
Transmuted fall in sheafs of rainbows fraught
With storied meaning for religion's sake.


I think I constantly share other people's works because mine are for me. Maybe I don't feel like sharing of myself today outside of what I can find of myself in other people. Maybe that's all I am.

I Want to Grow Old and Be Childish With You

The name of this song is particularly meaningful to me. I am deeply, and magically enthralled with the idea of preserving the part of my soul that is childlike and pure. That little part of you that is so easy to allow to be crushed. That people allow themselves to stop enjoying things that are wonderful, or harden themselves so that they no longer feel fresh pains of sympathy. I think that it takes a great deal of strength to grow up and nurture that part of you such that you are able to make educated and difficult decisions, and even sacrifices, without giving up that part of yourself that feels everything intensely. Without giving up that part of yourself that afterward is able to play with legos, and be simple, and appreciate pillow forts in the living room.

I really wish to grow old and be children together with someone.

People Sometimes Hate Things

Review: The Dictator

In the past I've always had mixed reactions to movies staring Sacha Baron Cohen. For every good memory from Borat, there was a part of the movie I sort of wanted to forget. It's pretty much the definition of cutting edge of comedy, in the sense that it is definitely offensive. In his most recent film, The Dictator, he is surprisingly subdued. The movie is funny, beginning to end, with fewer out right gross assaults on the eyes like in his previous movies. The movie really aims the majority of its jokes in two directions, racist views of other countries and oppressive dictatorships and misogynist cultures. If you're prepared for some brutal and cutting dialog, then this movie delivers.

The plot is pretty straight forward, and it never really transcends cheap comedy, though. While his last two films took the form of mockumentaries, this is a more traditionally directed film. It occasionally detours from its generally direct path through the story for a scene with a punchline. Probably one of the best parts about the movie is that it delivers a lot jokes in the background instead of just in the foreground or via dialog. There really isn't much more that you can say about the movie without giving away spoilers, though. And as it's a comedy, the movie has nothing outside of that. Any details detract from the jokes and will devalue the film. I recommend it. I'd even watch it again, I think.

In Space, No One Can Hear You Clean

Gold On the Ceiling - The Black Keys

"The corrosive effect of the pipe reduces your tongue to a stub. Now you truly are tasteless." - Narrator, Space Quest IV

It appears that once again I am a backer.



When I was a young man, I used to pour over the Space Quest games endlessly with my best friend Jason Cole. I remember the time we went out of our way to make a saved game just before every possible death available in the game. The one liners for most of them had us laughing till it hurt. "As you fade permanently from the club of living organisms, you think to yourself: 'So that's what my spleen looks like!'"

I am tremendously excited to see the point and click adventure game franchise represented on Kickstarter with original content, from good developers. It really just makes me want to go back and replay the whole series over a couple of hours.

And then, there's good music:

I Think of You

Got free screener passes to see The Dictator tomorrow, which is a bit of a mixed blessing. I mean, sure it's a free movie, and it's an excuse to go adventuring down town, but... but I can't remember the last movie that really starred Sacha Baron Cohen that didn't at some point involve him flailing penis at the camera. They're generally funny movies outside of that moment, but I can't really say that any word other than "dread" applies to knowing that it is likely to happen at some point in the film and I am even sort of thinking about not going. I mean, it's a bit of the question of, "What would you let someone do to you under the pretext of that they are doing it for free?"

I mean, there is obviously some sort of demand for that sort of thing, and people pay for it, so there is an established value to having dick flopped around on a screen so large that you feel like you maybe ought to be able to shake hands with it. I mean, its projection is probably taller than I am.

Anywho, that aside, I offer this:



By the way.. Avengers was the best Marvel movie to date.

It Was A Terrible Accident

Got my tickets for tonight. Will be going to the 9:20 showing at the AMC 24. I'm pretty excited to see something like this exist.



I mean, it is a long way from the movie I'm most excited for this year. Heck, it's probably not even in the top 5. Am I more excited about seeing The Avengers than I am about the new episode of Game of Thrones on Sunday? I plead the fifth on that. They're both probably going to be good. Except that Ned Stark is dead.

It is a little sad that I missed my chance to see The Avengers for free on Monday, though. Got free passes for a screener to it in the mail, but I didn't get home from a trip till after it was already over. C'est la vi. It was worth it, I had a really good trip and enjoyed my weekend a lot.

So what movies am I excited about this year?


Because Ridley Scott.

Because Batman.

Because Simon Pegg.

With any luck, I'll be writing about how awesome The Avengers is, though, when I get home tonight.


P.S. Gnocchi. I like to melt goat cheese into the sauce for a complex tang.

Intimacy

Some pictures from my excellent weekend. It's occurred to me recently how purely intimate holding hands is. I hug my friends, I kiss my parents on the cheek, but as far as public affection goes, I don't think it gets much more intimate than the prolonged contact of holding hands. It's a gesture that is at once so simple and also complex. It spreads warmth and care and thoughtfulness. Even offhandedly it shows that you are thinking about someone, whether you are looking at them, or speaking to them, or not.

Made gnocchi this weekend, and hamburgers. Studied and went to a nursery. Had monday off and got free screener passes to The Avengers for monday. Watched some anime with a friend, and made some guitar picks. Shadowrun got funded. I installed curtains in my bedroom, and got a new picture to hang on my wall. We kegged a beer on friday, and enjoyed its bounty. It has been a really, really good weekend. I hope everyone else enjoyed it as much as me.

You Feel True and Beautiful Passion

"I believe that love that is true and real creates a respite from death. All cowardice comes from not loving, or not loving well, which is the same thing. And when the man who is brave and true looks death squarely in the face... it is because they love with sufficient passion to push death out of their minds. Until it returns, as it does, to all men. And then you must make really good love again."

I want to play a game where you have to make terrible decisions for the whole game. All bad decisions, all tough ones. Every single decision you make means losing one thing that's vitally important to you as a person for something else that's vitally important to you as a person. You don't just get to make the decision and play on, though. The gameplay comes in making you work to make sure that the decision comes to fruition. Then... at the very, very end.. after nothing but horrible decisions and pain and loss, you get to make one that lets everybody lives and everyone goes home hoppy.

"I think the metaphor broke my spleen."

I've had a very pleasant afternoon, and the evening promises to be even better overall. Beer and good company, and lots more study. Also did some watches some dishes, and washed some movies. I wonder if you can guess what I watched. There is a cookie for anyone who can list them.

"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off. But it's better if you do."

I'm A Backer and...

I'm a backer, and if you like good RPGs, then you should be, too. There are four days left as of this writing. And what they've accomplished so far with their funding has already been incredible. There has already been enough funding to make it a primary goal for the project to be released on PC, Mac, Linux, iOS, and Android. With that wide of a distribution, a large gameworld, shared friend characters, and a simultaneous release of developer tools, Shadowrun Returns promises to be an explosive revisiting of a fantastic gameworld setting.

If I pass my CCNA exam this week, I'm going to up my subscription level to the 125$ level for those sweet dogtags. I think that those are an excellent way to release a game with bonus material. But every penny you put into backing this game goes to making it a bigger, better story, with more characters, more locations, and more to do, and with better music. They even just announced that the original score designer will be working on the track for the new game. I hope to see everyone who backs it in the forums later... and possibly.. on the street in a backer t-shirt.

And finally, I leave you with music. One of the best songs I've heard lately, and a good cover of a great song:


Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way

Some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright.

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Andy Dufresne said those words during one of the more touching moments in "Shawshank Redemption 2: Shank Harder" when, because of inmate politics, he is forced to eliminate Red in Mexican prison. I shed a tear because it was so painful to watch, and beautiful at the same time. The cinematography from the very moment when he thrusts the shank in manages to capture in a real and perfectly visually symbolic way, that the shank is his penis.

I saw "John Carter" with my mom this Saturday, and it is pretty obvious why it is one of the biggest commercial failures ever. I mean, the movie wasn't that bad. The only things that were really wrong with it were the writing and the acting. You might, almost rightfully so, suggest that those are the only things about a movie, but.. you'd be wrong. First of all, the movie actually had an okay story, if the only thing you took away from a scene(that is to say, if you were able to look past the actors and the words coming out of their mouth) is the strictest view of events(such as, in this scene these characters met and did this) then the plot points are not bad. But the actors and the writers of the dialog just destroy it.

The cinematography is really beautiful, and manages to capture the emotions you're supposed to feel from every scene. It's actually kind of weird feeling something from a visual standpoint while the actors voice words that make you feel the complete opposite. And finally, from a special effects standpoint, they managed to create a pretty cool looking vision of Mars, and a cool 20's pulp sci fi world. But for real.. don't pay money to see that trash. It really could have been good, it was pretty close to it. My mom liked it,though. She claims to have just not to have seen the same bad acting or felt that the dialog were as cliched and cheap. Probably the worst written character in the movie is John Carter himself. *shrug*

Some Things are Just Simply Beautiful

It's just one of those things that lights your soul on fire. Soundwaves that make you shiver.

I Love it When People Say Cool Things

"Every creative act is open war against The Way It Is. What you are saying when you make something is that the universe is not sufficient, and what it really needs is more you. And it does, actually; it does. Go look outside. You can’t tell me that we are done making the world." - Jerry Holkins

Kings died, kingdoms fell.

"I don't regret the kingdoms - what sense in borders and nations and patriotism? But I miss the kings." - Maude

Really busy weekend. Painting, and having family over, and seeing Zac's mom. Got that back room all fixed up and re-painted with a little help. Lots of elbow grease and perspiration and it looks quite nice. Will have the new curtains up some time this week, soon as I get the right colors picked out. Going to put up curtains in my room too, to keep the sunlight out while I'm trying to sleep. The day star is my mortal enemy.

In other news, attempts to create an MMORPG equivalent to "Ladies Night", extra quotations around the "Ladies", are right around the corner. I, personally, predict rampant transgender roleplaying, far more so than usual. And, given the obvious intelligence and talent it takes to make a game of any caliber, I wonder how deliberate this is. Is it deliberate social engineering to assault gender identity at large? Possibly. Unlikely. Only time will tell, but if it's a crappy game, I'm not even sure anyone will give two shits if women get to play it for less money. I mean, if it's a bad game, paying less money to play it is like getting paid less money for an airplane ticket nowadays. Sure, it's cheaper for something that has a "value", but you're still paying for the privilege to have the lowest common denominator of security staff expose and observe and possibly fondle your junk in what is indistinguishable from a cattle line. So your guess is as good as mine who comes out the "winner" in that situation. Hint, it's still probably the person who paid less for that privilege.

My recommendation, just don't flirt with anyone while you play that game. No matter who you are and which way you swing. There's no winner when you don't know what you're grinding on or what is grinding against you.

More likely than not, this is just the misguided attempt to be more gender friendly in games, along with a lot of other justifications. You can't really work on something that long without thinking about it from multiple angles and justifications. But that's probably where it started. It works in bars, I suppose, but are bar settings really the direction that MMO's want to go? Even if you did, though, alcohol is a huge motivator there. And real sex. Or maybe it's a sort of genuine attempt at real gender outreach, but if it is, it's still really alienating to everyone involved, and in a community that is known for shirking the rules through fraud, gender neutrality and multi gender communities are not likely to be forthcoming, just lots and lots and lots of lonely guys pretending to be women for a discount. Trying to think of ways to hit on each other.

Posting from work today:

Light painting chronicle:

"Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of
too much *life.* Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then
you're bound to live life fully." - Maude

You'd See That We Should Never Be Afraid to Die

Be afraid that you will never have lived.



I really don't get the flirting that Ridley Scott is doing. He's SAID that this is NOT a prequel to Alien. I mean, you can't just unsay that after it has been said. But this movie did start out as a prequel. But does it fit into the continuity? If not, then you really should have scraped the Weyland-Yutani logos off all the props in the trailer. I think that the best possible explanation is that he imagines it as its own story, with no thematical relationship to Alien(which was, after all, a pretty straightforward film), or even direct xenomorph reference, though they occupy the same universe and story line continuity. That would make sense, in that way he would want people to not think of it as a prequel, he'd want them to see an entirely different idea.

Like how you might have a pornography convention in the same neighborhood as the open house of your kid's school, but you wouldn't want to be thinking of one while you're at the other, or vice versa. Or maybe you would. I'm not going to judge you. In a way it is probably very admirable that you are always thinking of your child's education, even while you indulge in your aberrant sexual tastes. Or, once again, vice versa.

Yesterday was pretty good. Any day you wake up like that is a good day, no matter what else happens.


This is a happy end
Cause you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

Just Pretend I Didn't Tear Your World Apart

Wow, a great day today. BBQ in Nac! Then, long drive home, long drive to work, but I finished up quick. Got home in time for a nap, and after my nap my new lawnmower got here. I put it together and I did the front lawn, mowed and edged and trimmed. I finished exactly as it got dark. THe new mower feels like I'm vacuuming my lawn, and it is just ridiculously surreal.

My apricot tree is budding, and it is just so beautiful and full of life. Normally my metaphor for God is the ocean, but I can see a spark of divinity in the genesis of new life. Flowers, new green leaves, and sunshine. If I stare too long it becomes blinding in all its beauty.


By bentsea at 2011-09-13

An old drawing I did, it sort of applies to how I feel today. After taking care of the front yard and sweeping the walks and the drive, Steve and Andrew showed up. We played Carcassonne. A great game by any measure. It was a lot of fun.

Anywho, so, great day today. Time for sleep.

Dance the Night Away

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'”

I love waking up how I woke up today. There really isn't a better way to do it as far as I'm concerned.

So, last week had it's difficulties. I was really disappointed to skip the symphony, but I'll live. The other problems were worse than that. C'est la vi. The new lawnmower will be here on Wednesday, and I'll probably try to have the spare room repainted by then.

I bought an orchid last week, and it is doing wonderfully. I wonder how long I can keep it alive.

There's really just not a whole lot to talk about right now, I'm pretty tired, and it's late, and I have been working ridiculously hard and or running around for the past two weeks. I'm fine with that, it just means I'm tired right now.

Good night all.

Well, I'm not too tired to dance.



Maybe just one more....

Casa de Mi Padre

It's difficult to simply outright recommend Casa de Mi Padre. That's not a negative, believe it or not. I enjoyed this movie thoroughly from beginning to end, and it was funnier than anything I've seen in a year. On top of just being enjoyable and solid as a movie, I just kept thinking to myself, "How did this movie even get made?" A spoof on latin soap operas done entirely in Spanish and staring a large cast of latin actors and... Will Farrel, who doesn't, as far as I know, have a single Spanish bone in his body. And the trailer doesn't lie, that really is the big joke that the whole movie is based on. Mostly what makes this movie so hard to recommend, is I'm just not sure how large of an audience this movie will appeal to.

I like to think this movie has something for everyone, but I know that tastes are wide and varied, and it's not the Shawshank Redemption. This is not a movie that is so good that it transcends tastes and genres, and the smart and witty approach of the central joke, while well done, may repel the core audience that appreciates Farrel's comedies, while not being obvious enough to pull in the audience that it's targeting. It was really the blend of the two that made the movie a hit for me. And it was done with heart, too. It never felt mean spirited about the material, it approached it playfully.

If you're on the fence about seeing this movie, I recommend you give it a shot. Even if you don't like it, it wont hurt your soul. What's even more important than that, is that even if you don't like it, it's good that a movie like this got made at all. If you're undecided, then just know that this movie is worth your time, even if you aren't in love with it, you wont walk away without a few laughs and you wont be offended to the point of feeling like your time is wasted. And just maybe, you'll find yourself loving it through and through like I did.

A Quiet Like a Far Off Thunder

At this moment I simply could not possibly think of a better way to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon. Maybe it's because when you're happy, you're happy, and it doesn't matter what's making you happy.

But I did take a music break, but only till my fingers hurt. House of the Rising Sun by The Animals done as poorly as I can manage. Hope you like it.



I know how to make a girl happy.

And repost for the record... I still look sexy.

Kony in 2012. This is as important as it gets. #Kony2012

I don't think I've ever gone out of my way to ask other people to share something, but if you're reading this, please do what you can. This is truly important. This is a real world example of the power of knowledge in practice. The more people know about Joseph Kony, the greater his awareness, then the better off the world will be. Share this video. Tell everyone you know about what it says when you can't share it. Get Kony in 2012.

Pledge here: http://s3.amazonaws.com/kony2012/kony-4.html

Minus Green is the Manliest Color

So, Kayla had to move out. She'll be missed, and hopefully she comes by for dinner from time to time. Will miss the cats, too. Alas, I still did not have an end table or a coffee table by the time she left earlier today, though those were gone yesterday. Fortunately, I was able to acquire a pair from my dad and step mom earlier this evening.

Without much ado, here is the end table..

And here is the coffee table...

Meanwhile, though the cats are gone, they did spend one last whole morning with me and even Olivia. I woke up to these three all sleeping on top of me this morning. I had to take a picture before I got out of bed and disturbed their cat nap.

What was really nice, on a cold sunday night, though was spending time with my friend Justin. We hung out and talked about all kinds of things around the fire outside at the brick house. Decent beer, good company, and a beautiful fire. That was just a rocking way to spend the evening.

Something Bad and Something Good

I'm watching this right now:


Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie. I will be exposed to Shrim. Pray for me.

To make this up to anyone who watched that trailer, I offer something good. Beautiful guitar is always awesome.

I Think I Hate Zelda

If a game doesn't challenge me philosophically, or extremely effectively pull my emotional strings, or put me in a situation where my decisions matter, not just to my character, but to the characters that surround me, I don't care about the story. Not one whit. That's not bad, a game doesn't have to be about story. Half Life 1 has a wonderful story that I don't care about, but it's brilliant because it's all around me, unobtrusively being there, letting me play the game, but sometimes... just completely grabbing my attention. As opposed to the new Zelda: Skyward Sword. Heck, from back in the day, Final Fantasy VII.

I like playing a game. Getting into its mechanics and spending as much time as possible navigating the world. It's the whole point, the gameplay is the root of what makes a game unique. You should never, ever, EVER, stop the gameplay, take a person away from running, jumping, fighting or thinking about a puzzle. Unless the dialog is an integral part of the puzzle, or the environment or even itself a part of the gameplay, it should not ever interrupt the experience. In Zelda, I have spent far more time button mashing through meaningless dialog, often page after page after page with the sole purpose of sending me on a very simple menial task, trying to create context. I've already bought into the game. I don't need you to keep selling me on it. If you want me to run somewhere arbitrary for no particular reason, I'll do that.. cause I bought the game. I don't need empty and meaningless context. I want to play through dungeons, and solve puzzles and fly.

Button mashing through bad dialog is the quickest way to get me to quit any game. I may not be able to bring myself to finish this Zelda.

Call me a weirdy, but I think Wind Waker was the best Zelda I ever played, and even that was a bit too talkative.

On the plus side, finally played The Missing Link DLC for Deus Ex Human Revolution.. and it is a pretty robust, largish addition to the game. I had a lot of fun with it. IT even had an achievement for playing without using any praxis kits, or weapons, or explosives at all of any kind. Oh, man, was that fun and challenging. Oddly enough, I played through it MUCH faster than I did the other way. Probably because I was just focused on surviving and beating it at all instead of the other way.. where I made it my personal goal to knock every last enemy soldier in the world unconscious.



What can change the nature of a man?

Bonds and Berries

Filthy Filthy Dubsexxx from burchbabexo on 8tracks.

I finally got around to reading The Hunger Games, and I was personally blown away. This book, while still feeling like light reading, managed to be harrowing and emotional and immersive. I'm really not sure if the movie could possibly live up to the book, it would take a lot of really good story telling and directing, because the narrative of the characters and all the subtext of the events would be difficult to portray. A lazy director could make this really bad with really awful exposition and poorly done character development. It also has an ending that very much demands a sequel, none of the real problems are solved. It feels like a short story, almost.

I really can't wait to finish plowing through my CCNA material. Reading the next two books will be my reward for that. They're free to check out on kindle for amazon prime members, which is a great perk.Catching Fire, and Mockingjay are the next two books. As much as I liked the first one, it just hurts my soul that publishers are trying to sell digital downloads, with fewer rights and less control over your purchase than a physical copy, is more expensive than a paperback. They are charging MORE to give you less.

That really infuriates me. And they wont have my monetary business until they fix that. They're also available for loan on kindle from my local library. It is so cool to be able to borrow books from Harris County Public Library on my Kindle Touch.

Also, I mentioned my new Android, but I didn't mention that to get it I switched networks to Boost Mobile. Cricket disabled their online store, but only for existing customers, for at least the last six months. Their phone operators were not authorized to price match the prices on their website. They've never really rewarded me for being a customer, but this is the first time that I was actually screwed over as one and denied a price that I was promised. So.. Boost Mobile, who is actually pretty cool in a whole lot of ways. Their shrinkage plans are pretty interesting, after being a continuing customer of theirs for a while, my android plan will drop in price to as low as 40$ for a plan that includes unlimited minutes, texts, and data.

Anywho, company is coming over, time to go spend time with a friend. Will have to talk more later.

Adjectives on the typewriter
He moves his words like a prizefighter
The frenzied pace of the mind inside the cell

H+ Compliant.

I really need to post here more often. It's just shameful how much has happened that I have not talked about. Over a week ago Jackson and Marcia got married, and it was a beautiful ceremony, and a wonderful reception, and a truly important moment for a lot of people that I think of as my family. A week before that was the bachelor party. I really can't wait to show some pictures from the event. Mike gave a speech that was just downright touching and moving, and also funny and entertaining on all the right notes. And it was great to have him in town for a week, again. Justin and I also gave speeches, but by far Mike's was the best.

The bachelor party was pretty awesome. Justin rented a beach house down in galveston, and the view and interior were amazing. We went out for some food and spent some time in a bar and then we came back and talked and drank and ate all night long. Some of us were up till 8 am. It's good to be able to connect like that with people who have moved a long way away still.

In other news, I have finally moved on into the modern age with an Android phone.. I am using the Samsung Transform Ultra. It's good to be back on a Samsung phone, the last 3 phones that I really truly loved were sliding Samsung phones. They really know how to do this right on a budget phone. The Samsung Messager Touch was the best non smart phone I ever had, and it was wonderful for absolutely all of my needs. Even a bad android, though, eclipses it in almost every single way. Games, applications, GPS, maps in general, real multi functionality that has the versatility of any application imaginable. It's been around for a while, so there is already a lot out there, but even if what I need doesn't exist, it could. And that is just crazy cool.

On top of everything else, Amazon gives away a paid app for free every day, and some of those are incredibly cool. I really wish I'd been able to hop on board back when the Ultimate Guitar App had been free.

Anywho, quick photodump. Mostly puppy and kitty and me, and just something from valentine's day. It was a good valentines day when I got around to celebrating it...

"Maybe mush isn't all bad. You can keep stomping on it, but it's all give, it just stays mush. You can't build it up, but you can't break it down either. In a funny way, mush kindof has the edge."

Now...

Dance, fucker, dance.

Excited to See Zombie Morgan Freeman

Wedding today. Wedding in just a couple of hours. It's pretty exciting. I could probably think of some clever things to say and somehow connect all the content here in some meaningful way, but I really only have like ten minutes before I have to run and put my tux on. I need to look sexy.

Happy Valentine's Day

The SOPA Protest

This thing is pretty wild. I love the joke at the bottom of the www.sjgames.com website for their SOPA blackout. I'm very impressed, and honestly, I really hope this is enough to help. Between google and wikipedia alone I'd hope there's enough support to really change the tide in congress. Or to put it bluntly, to effectively actually let those pig headed old trogoladytes get a sliver of a perspective of what people are really aware of. Or want. Or whatever revolutionary line about what they need to be aware of to have them not make blatantly bad decisions.

New Furniture Installation Complete!

And here it is! It looks good, it feels comfortable, and it fits in my room okay. Chris is making it affordable for me to buy this from him, and so it's all coming together pretty nice. Really beautiful living room set and amazing kitchen table, too.

So last night was pretty crazy busy, moving my old bed to my mom's house, finally, and then moving the bits into my room that I couldn't assemble till I got the last of the pieces from Chris today. Some other busy work and cleaning and taking care of things. It was a really good day. Today, I'm getting laundry done and studying a ton. Will see what tomorrow brings.

What if Dreams are Our Natural Domain....

...and we only wake to gather strength to return?

The river walk at night, while the Christmas lights are up. It feels like a waking dream, I could just stroll around there for forever and listen to the music of people talking and random instruments playing.



New Years Eve was pretty incredible. It was an amazing feeling having everyone at just one party. After a great party, I slept in this room for a bit and listened to music and then went home in the early hours of the morning for some real sleep. Took down the tree and tenderly packed it all away for another season. Listened to music, and watched the new episode of Sherlock, did the dishes, and.. made beef jerky. Yum. It's been a busy week.

They Share a Fare and Some Friendly Conversation

Do you think that the word reactor was intentionally designed as an anagram for creator? A deliberate and purposeful assignment of a name that reflected the significance of deconstructing the building blocks of the universe?

I'm Having Christmas at George Clooney's House

This is probably the most beautiful Christmas tree I've ever seen for sale. I truly wish I had one for a special corner in my room.



It's that beautiful time of year. Shame I've been stuffed up for most of it so far. Sucks that the weather change is taking all season to get here at the last moment, but I guess that's Texas for you.

I learned how to play Oh Christmas Tree, and Little Drummer Boy on guitar. I love learning to play carols on my guitar.. playing them slow, listening to them like half forgotten memories and beautiful briefly remembered dreams.

I've been celebrating with egg nogg, and hot chocolate, and I even made some wassail already this season, extra warm and soothing. A good hot happy beverage is always important when contemplating the mixed blessings of Christmas commercialism and the machine that somehow generates togetherness via large dollar amounts. That and they just make you feel warm inside on cold nights with a blanket and the only lights on in the house are the christmas tree lights while the cats hide in the branches.

Have You Been Half Asleep...

I didn't think I was going to be able to get a Christmas Tree this year, things have been pretty tight because of medical bills. Matt's brother was getting a new tree this year and so this one was available for me. It is a wonderful tree, and I am proud to have it. The ornaments came from Matt's family, they are glass ornaments that they bought while they were living in Germany. It is a good year, and it is a good life.

I've been spending some more time over at my dad's house. Enjoy the product of our labors:

Behold, the ribs are finished and we have begun planking the ship! One on each half so far, and more to follow till she has a beautiful wooden hull! Well.. a wooden hull! Well... a glue hull with some wood flecks in it! The ratio of glue to wood really remains to be seen. Guess we'll know after a few more planks are attached.

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Thank you Pandora for making holiday music for my living room easy.
Thank you Netflix for putting so many holiday specials in one place.

It's going to be a Merry Christmas.

Cranberry Sauce, It's not just for Thanksgiving Anymore

It's criminal.. I had never made home made cranberry sauce before. I had no idea how delicious it could be. Crazy and sweet and tangy and robust and just downright amazingly delicious. And easy.

12oz Cranberries
1 1/2c Sugar
1tsp Allspice
11oz Can of Mandarin Oranges
1c chopped pecans
1/4c Port wine

Mix all the ingredients except the port wine together in a sauce pan and cook at medium low heat till all the cranberries have burst in the sauce. More sugar can be added for a sweeter sauce, less for a tarter sauce, though 1 1/2c will be pretty tart, so more sugar is a little more likely. Once the berries have popped, remove from heat, stir in the Port, and chill till ready to serve.

It was one of the real highs of my thanksgiving. I really wanted to share it.



I hate people. Especially friends. Know what a friend is?

A friend is someone who puts a portal over an acid pit and then waits till you're standing still on a portalable surface to put the other portal under your feet and drop you to your death. That's what a friend is.

Fuck friends.