Sometimes... I Need Someone to Read This to Me

You can find this wonderful book for adults at Amazon and Audible.Go the F**k to Sleep

I post this, because it is 3 am, and I have work at 7 am, and an hour drive there, and I am, clearly, not yet asleep.

*sigh*

New phone...

I keep shopping for new phones, I really want a good android. I love my Cricket service, and my Messager Touch has been an incredible phone, but when I have some spare cash I really want the LG Optimus C because of its ridiculously long talk time battery life.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I'm ashamed when I don't care for a movie. Like Crazy Heart.. I'm trying to watch it, but it hasn't grabbed my attention at all. I barely care what's happening, and I don't even know why I don't care. Maybe it's the story itself. Nothing about it has grabbed my attention and said to me, "Hello, sir, this story is worth paying attention to." So, even though it looks good, and the actors are good, and the dialog is good.. I just.. it's like not watching anything at all. And I feel bad. I do. Because I wish I liked it more than I do.

Read Deathnote book 1 today. John got me 1-4, and I was a little surprised. I knew he knew I liked the anime, though. Great story, pretty much exactly the same as the anime. Love the suspense.

Got new speakers this week, and a new headset, and the free strings for my guitar came in the mail too. The birthday party was... it was really amazing. So many people were there that it was just a really good time. There was some Rock Band 3, some good wine, some good beer, lots of great guitar(real guitar) and singing, and the brisket turned out awesome. There was even some really good chai later on. I cooked a brisket with a really good coffee rub, and the baked beans, as always, were superb, roasted corn fresh for people who were there, and then for dessert I grilled up some rum soaked brown sugar crusted pineapple slices.

Guests of honor: George and Zac, the three of us were celebrating our birthdays. George paid for the food! Extra kudos go to him for making everything possible!

Also at the party was Sean, Jake, Justin, Stacey, Lucy, John, Jeannette, her sister in law, Shuck, Rikki, their kids, my dad, Marry Ellen, Tim, Trent, his girlfriend, Jennifer, Kayla, Kayla's... I think sister in law, and.. I hope I'm not forgetting anyone. At one point all three guitars that I keep at home were being played. IT was amazing. The party ate an entire 12lbs brisket like it was nothing.

THanks to everyone who came for helping to make it a wonderful, memorable, and absolutely beautiful evening!

Cruise, Zoo, and New BBQ Photodump

Go to ImageShack® to Create your own Slideshow

"Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself."

"Last night I dreamed of things that smelled sweet. I dreamed of orchids and spices and visions of bubbles dancing. Fizz and foam floating free and dancing to unheard music. I dreamed that I could touch this beauty, and it was filled with every emotion from pain to pleasure." - Edward.

There is a beautiful power in making a stranger feel something. To form in a connection of mere minutes a bond powerful enough to evoke a connection deep enough to extract great feeling of validity, pain, pleasure, laughter, even sadness. Tears in particular, though, by themselves cover a wide range of meaning. Language is a beautiful dance, and each emotion has a number of paths to expression, and tears, for instance, can be brought about through a number of ways.

I have made a stranger cry through mean spirited language.

I have made a stranger cry from sympathy.

I have made a stranger cry tears of self healing.

I have made a stranger cry from the relief of unburdening.

I have made a stranger cry from fear.

I was going to say I'm not proud of all of those. I really shouldn't be. And.. on reflection, I'm not proud of any of them at all, pride isn't the right word. It feels like it is until examined closely. It's a path of reflection and appreciation for something that is amazing even when it is terrible as much as it is when it is beautiful. I do wish I could cure the pain I have caused with words that I have said in my moments of weakness. I believe words should be used to heal and to uplift, to inspire and promote excellence in each other.

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin

It's strange then that I believe strongly in burning the whole world down when everything seems like it is at its best. Burn it to the ground and start from scratch. Light it up and reduce it to blood and ashes, fertilizer for the soil for the new world that grows in its place. Maybe I don't need to resolve these internal conflicts of philosophy. Burn the world. Cry. Laugh. Fucking dance your heart out. Above all things, be good to each other.



And chase your dreams. Don't ever let go cause it's just a dream. Do not EVER let go of a dream.

I Hate Having Sand in My...

This poem is an original composition by me. Haven't done that in a while.

I Hate Having Sand in My...

I hate having sand in my hair,
The grains cling,
They beg for me to scratch them from my scalp,
And they fall from the air as they dry,
Wet strands whipping,
Shaking my head to set them free,
But in my hair they stay

I hate having sand on my skin
ABRASIVE!
It grips me with the fingers of the ocean,
My skin wet from the kisses of waves,
Sand grasps at my skin in clumps,
Begging for that sweet salty moisture,
Tiny bits attach that will never leave again!

I hate having sand between my toes,
Haphazardly hopping in great strides along the shore,
Leaping from place to place as I plant my feet wide apart,
Deep wet foot prints mark my wild and wandering path along the shore,
And the tiny dunes must love me,
Because they leave reminders in my creases,
They refuse to depart my soles

And when I throw myself to the earth,
Sending up poofs and clouds so high...
That what comes up...
Must rain down upon my back...
And when I say before how I hate to have sand,
Hate it in my hair, and on my skin, and between my toes,
Decorum prevents me from telling you how I hate where else it goes

I love the beach.

I Will Bathe in the Sea

Let the salt strip away my pain and suffering, let the water sooth my heart.

This was a very long weekend, and it was a very good one. The company was beyond delightful, the food exquisite.

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
Strewn across a blue blanket
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl

I started today off with a very soothing hot bath, with citrus cream scented bath salts. It was soothing, but the scent was lost in the bath. Next time, more scent may be needed. Maybe my nose is not very sensitive lately, it has been a little stuffed up as late and I have not been smelling things as well. I've been listening to the Sookie Stackhouse novels on audio book, and I am about halfway through book 7. I've been reading a collection of short stories by Orson Scott Card on my kindle that I borrowed from my sister, and they are very enjoyable. Maps in a Mirror.

The work at Chefs 2b has been steady, but I'd like a lot more of it. I've also had to turn down too many jobs there because of important engagements. Even this next week I'll be giving up something along the lines of 7 parties to go on a one week vacation. It's tragic, really, but the vacation is important. Vacation and time off is always important, though so is working hard. I had 4 parties this weekend, though, which helps out quite a bit.

I will be helping Zac move into my house on Friday before I leave for Florida and the Caribbean.

I have quite a few chores to do before Friday. Looks like the lull I felt last Tuesday was only an illusion. The beginning is working 12 hour shifts yesterday, today, and tomorrow.


Anyone for waffles with bananas and peanut butter?

“To myself I am only a child playing on the beach"

“I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.” - Isaac Newton

I played with a kite all day at work during the day, yesterday. The wind was wild and unpredictable and inconsistent. I was, with hard work, and diligence able to keep the kite off the ground for a great deal of time on several occasions, nursing it through lulls in the wind and keeping it on course through violent outbursts. My greatest attempt, at which I made use of kiting, by pulling it back and forth against the still wind to keep it afloat during the lulls, kept it flying long enough to just barely let it out to the full length of the string, a whole half length of the parking lot away.

This was a small 6$ kite. It was so simple a design but so interesting that it made me seriously consider building a kite as a weekend project in the near future.

Crazy Weeks

The time leading up to graduation and the few days after has been wild. With a whole group of friends from out of town all making it in at the same time, the last work due for my final class, orientation, grandparents and sister coming into town.

I had a huge bbq the week before last, and then last saturday I had a small one for my family, both times I made babyback ribs with strawberry jalapeno bbq sauce, and whole smoked chickens, and fresh roasted corn. I love it when corn is super cheap. I may get some tonight on my way home to steam in the microwave.

I graduated with Matt Newman, and Justin's cousin. After commencement my mom took me and Mike out to Alexander the Great, some of the best Greek food in houston, there was a live band and belly dancing there.

After that I spent time at the Newman's hanging around, chatting and talking about just about anything.

It was just so good seeing everyone and having such fun and playful gatherings with lots of my really close friends.

"Someone was looking at me, a disturbing sensation if you’re dead."

Stir up the Athenian youth to merriments

"Let me play the lion too: I will roar that I will do any man's heart good to hear me; I will roar that I will make the duke say 'Let him roar again, let him roar again.'" -Nick Bottom

It has been a weekend of partying. Starting with friday night, it was like having everyone together from right after high school, Mike already being in town, Jackson, Marcia, Kevin, Chris, and Zac all followed suit, all of them making it that night. Jake, and Justin were there, too, and all in all, it was a room full of people who almost never ever see each other anymore. Not gonna lie, Jake is an annoying drunk. Really annoying. All in all, though, it was a really amazing night, and Justin got a good pic of everyone together.

Surprisingly, that was an impromptu gathering, the real party was scheduled for saturday night. The final tally? Chris, Jackson, Marcia, Robert, Cassie, Justin, Zac, Mike, my mom, Justin, Matt Newman, and Kayla. Kevin and Jake were both no shows. Kevin had responsibilities, and Jake just got so drunk he was sick all the next day. He even bailed on picking up the food to have food cooked and ready at a reasonable hour. Mike provided the majority of the food, having been wanting more of that Strawberry Jalapeno BBQ sauce. I also managed to scrape together 3 slabs of babyback ribs, with a honey glaze and spicy dry rub. To round things out, there were 2 whole smoked cilantro lime chile chickens that went well with the sauce, and a ton of roasted corn. All in all, it was a wonderful gathering and an excellent, near perfect, introduction of my new smoker. It could only have been better if Stacey and George had been able to make it there, since they provided the grill. Robert and Cassie brought some mead and even some wonderful chips and dip.

There was rummy, zombie dice, and some other great games. Joe vs the Volcano was running in the living room, and the new episode of Doctor Who was even aired at some point that night. There was some boxing out in the street, there was some frisbee, there was a lot of talking and enjoying everyone's company. Zac and I beat the whole way through Portal 2's co-op campaign. Music was everywhere, people kept playing the guitar.

I really almost forgot how great it was to have parties like this. It's a shame Tim and Alma couldn't make it last night. All the same, it was amazing to finally break in the new smoker, and I am so thankful for it.

I would like for there to have been more music.


Maybe more strawberries.

Maybe some orchids.




It's the little deaths that consume you, I think.

She gave her impulse to the dancing Hours

To winds that sweep, to stars that noiseless turn



This last week has been a whirlwind of wild events and hard work. I started by working 12 hour shifts on monday, tuesday, and wednesday last week to get friday off without using a vacation day. It's the way to go. Wednesday comes along and sure enough, there are 33 railcar samples ready to be taken, and 28 of those are for railcars on hold, waiting for the tests to run before they can be released. It's such an insane number since we can only do 3 tests per hour that it was mind boggling that they would even order that many railcars on hold. I was at work all the way till 7pm working my little tushie off.

I got Portal 2 on tuesday, which was awesome, and while I was at home I got to play some co-op with Justin and I linked my accounts and set it up so that I could start downloading it on my PC. The PC version is the one I really wanted, I may sell the PS3 version soon. Maybe sell it to Jake. I'm pretty pissed at him for flaking out on me this weekend.

Anyway, thursday rolls around, easy day at work, and then I get home, get to a semi late start after doing laundry and unhooking gaming equipment to take with me to the con since at that point it was looking like we'd have to populate the gaming room with all of our own stuff. Finally on the road, and this time with everything we intend to bring with us, tea, tea bags, game systems.. (the games were left behind tragically as I forgot to pack them). We got to Baton Rouge around about midnight and spent a little time chatting with Kevin, who introduced Sean and I to our first room mate, Shrek, who I informed would be playing Portal 2 with me for a few hours, mandatory. He did not seem to mind the required co-op hours before unconsciousness time hit.

Friday was the big day, woke up early, 6 am start, because I misunderstood Kevin. Sean did the waking up, we stood outside Kevin's door and chattered till Kevin greeted us, then work began. Went around having introductions made, getting to know the staff, etc, some faces from last year, some new ones for this year. I had two panels on friday, one of each of my origami panels and tea tasting panels. I think they went over quite well. I have enough teas that I can actually do 2 tea tasting panels and provide enough content to make them worthwhile to attend both and not just one.

They both went very well on friday. Around about lunch time I was off to get food on my own, no one else was free, or they had already eaten without me. I hate being surrounded by a crowd and feeling totally alone, so to fight the depression I went and ate at one of the nicest restaurants in the area, where I had a boneless duck served with an amazing okra and crayfish risotto. I was floored by how awesome the risotto was, and the duck was pretty delicious too, it was really convenient that it was de-boned. Evening time rolled around and I wasn't hungry enough to get dinner, I just hung around the hotel, the second night Evan and a lady friend of Evan and Sean's stayed with us in the hotel room. They all went swimming while I played online for a bit. Then we all just talked and goofed off till it was time to pass out.

Saturday was just as big as Friday, but with a little less effort on my part. I was running all over the place, and I was still trying to keep up with all my projects, and I hosted both my panels. The tea tasting panel was a success, but a smaller one because of the time of morning, and the origami panel was so packed full of people that I had to make an emergency paper run to have enough for the whole event to have paper to work with, but it didn't get there till after we'd had to resort to cut up printer paper. Oh well.

For lunch, I was again alone... I went to TJ's Ribs, and it was AMAZING. I mean, the ribs were just okay, I've had pretty similar bbq from the gas stations here in Texas, they were good, just.. nothing to really write home about, but the fried green tomatoes.... they were one of the best appetizers I've had in a long time. They were served in pairs with sauce sandwiched between them, with crab meat on top and drizzled with a balsamic reduction. I was in heaven. Then after that, and after more work back at home base, and more hanging out and music and relaxation, it was time for the VIP dinner. I wish I knew a little bit more about all the talent that was around us, because they all seem to be very cool people who were very enjoyable company. Not as cool as the guys I hung out with at the VIP dinner last year, but still pretty awesome, weirdly, this year, the guy I talked to the most at dinner was the MechaCon guy. Apparently our events head had taken a shine to him and he ended up.. everywhere after that. Hell, saturday night he was apparently recruited to bar tend the green room. It was a crazy night. Loved it all. He made some pretty decent strawberry mojitos despite being hindered by a lack of sugar available.

Sunday was nice and calm. No panels for me to attend. I went swimming, did some shopping, picked up some VERY cool stuff. Some of it I'd been wanting for a very long time, some of it I'd taken a fancy to while I was there, some of it was just pretty cool and I knew about it and saw it at the right price. All in all, it was a really nice day. Closing ceremonies, and then dinner for some of the guests and staff, and then home again, home again. Sean and I split the trip, it was a nice little drive. Thank goodness for Sean's driving. He is much better at going the speed limit than I am, and he stays awake easier after a good meal.

Downright incredible weekend. I am very much looking forward to a much more involved part in next years LA, and to the con as a whole.

Life needs more music.

And Seriously....

We'd Dumped a Body Together, and That Creates a Bond

It's been a good weekend. Worked at Chefs 2b both days, and found out that Chris was in town, and his brother Steve. Got to hang out with both of them, also got to spend time with my Dad and Marry Ellen. It was really wonderful getting to see them for a bit. Some things don't really need to be said out loud, but can be communicated in beautiful subtext... but in my case, the ingredients include music, strawberries, pizza, and flowers. You really can't go wrong with those ingredients.






Mix thoroughly, apply liberally. Be passionate about the results.

Sand and Strings

It is simply really beautiful outside today. It is hot, but... bearably so. Work with the door open and feel the breeze weather still. Working my way up to work with the door close and the A/C cranked up to high, and still have sweat on my skin hot that July and August are known for.

Kayla got really sick last night, and going to concerts by myself is no fun so I skipped the Coheed and Cambria concert. It was really a choice between going alone to a concert and listening to music while feeling that familiar sense of being alone in a crowd and listening to pandora at home. The music was less live, but no less fun because it was in the company of a good friend to chat with online. Miss Peabody was around and working on photoshop homework for a class, and we shared music. I got to see some of her work, and the progress and it was really great to see. Made me remember how fun photoshop is to goof around in. She even touched up one of my sunrise photos.

So much has been happening lately, I'm really just going to have to pass on updating about it. I'm looking forward to a good weekend. Today has been a lot of hard work, I had 20 railcars to sample and test, but they let are letting me go at 7pm with whatever I have gotten done, and I think I can finish up the better part of it.

George and Stacey bought me a gas/charcoal grill/smoker as a housewarming present, and I'll be picking it up on friday morning and assembling it! It is incredible, and I can't wait for the next time they make it through town for me to cook for them on it, for now, though, it will probably get used first to make some food for Mike when he is in town. I am planning on making some of my ribs with strawberry bbq sauce that are so delicious.

The days are counting down fast to Louisianime 3, going to be a busy busy week for me next week. Working double shifts to get friday off, studying for the panels I'm going to run... 2 tea panels, 2 origami panels. Hope I can really improve the flow of the tea panels so that I can heat the water myself with tools we have available in order to keep from serving tea that is tainted by coffee like we did last year, and is really damaging to the lighter teas.

Anywho... signing off. May post more later. May share music. May draw something tonight. No telling. Been energetic lately.

Sweet Night of the Bitter Kiss

Looking at this...



Feeling this...






He's got nothing on me, though.. all I can dream about are electric sheep.

Cry Out For Me, I'll Be There

Wanted to share this:



Was hearing this:



I refuse to be a serious man.

So Tie Me To A Post And Unblock My Ears

It's wonderful that you can buy trees at 1am, meet Tree, the new royal apricot tree to replace the sad and unhealthy looking tree in my front yard:


Tree came home three nights ago and has been stalking the back porch, sitting right outside the door, peering ominously in at everyone passing through the kitchen through the blinds in the night. This is more people than you might expect over the past few days. Shepard and Cymeron have been staying in the guest room till they get their apartment together, and I guess Caius technically counts as a person. Technically. Sadly everyone was a little too bothered by Tree peering in lustfully at them to take any pictures, the dual voyeurism was just too uncanny, so there is no photographic evidence of this. But, believe me. Tree was there.

After several days of stalking the porch the day came when I was home and my dad hadn't left for work yet, and so I was able to swing by and borrow his shovel, hedge clippers, and hack saw.

Not sure there are any pics of the live oak that previously resided in my front yard, but I can inform you that it was more than twice as tall as it remains, and all that extra top was absolutely dead. The first part of my job involved sawing off the top and clipping it to bits till it fit in the trash bin. Then, digging it up out of the ground, which proved much easier than previously expected, it popped right out with some solid muscle work after loosening the dirt around the edges.

Here Tree stands next to his new hole, where he will no longer be able to spy on people who are thirsty in the night, and his predecessor on the left:


And after careful mixing of dirt and top soil and getting just the right height and building up a mound, and lastly covering it with mulch all the way out to the rim of the hole, Tree(that is Tree's proper name, BTW, so everyone is aware who I am referring to when I say that I am watering Tree, or that I have just been out to have a brief conversation with Tree) sits in its new home:


Tree is a self fertilizing apricot tree, and so you will find that the gender neutral "it" is the proper pronoun to reference Tree's freakish asexual nature.I have promised to be nice to Tree, regardless of its freakish and unnatural sexual tendencies in exchange for delicious fresh fruit.



Oh, and fresh home grown strawberries:


And the carpet of flowers covering my backyard:


The iced tea is less photogenic, plus, I didn't want to stop drinking it to take the picture.

"In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration" - Ansel Adams.

Because adventure. Life is an adventure.

Strawberries..

My second strawberry... ate it yesterday, so sweet...

My third and fourth.. I ate the third today, and will eat the fourth when I get home..


Two more will be ready tomorrow.
They are love.

Where is the Trust?

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: Helloooooooooo
You: Who wants some candy? ;)
Stranger: mee
You: I've got a lot of candy in my basement
Stranger: ook
You: There's no lights down there so you're going to have to trust me and just walk aaaaaaaaaall the way inside
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You Cannibal! You Meat Eater! You See!

Omegle conversation log

2011-03-19

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: katie?

You: I want to try something new

You: Wait

You: Yes? :D IS it possible?!

You: I didn't think you'd find me again! OMG

Stranger: >.>

Stranger: whats my name

You: This is like 1 million to one!

You: Simon?

Stranger: nope :3

Stranger: BUT ITS OKAY.

You: No. It will never be okay again.

Stranger: because youre still the most amazing person i know

You have disconnected.

Oh, But It's Wednesday

It has been a very long weekend. Saturday was a rough night, Chef Timothy of Chefs 2b lost his puppy after 3 days of serious illness. It was a really good day up until that point, but he was sick and broken up after it. He was even going to try to put together almost 2k to pay for treatment for the puppy even though they did not know what was wrong with him. If there are any blessings in that, it is that Theo Charles Edward passed before the procedures could be done and Timothy is not that deeply in debt. I hope he feels better soon, but he has not gone to work all week.

After helping out at Chefs 2b a little late to make sure everything was okay and that Timothy could be at the vet's office I had dinner with my dad and Marry Ellen, who understood why I was late and it was a pleasant and warm dinner. I really enjoy spending time with them.

I slept pretty much immediately after going home that night.

Sunday was really an excellent day. Shuck came over, he's on spring break and was able to stop by the house for the first time to enjoy some beers and some lunch I made, after that we passed the guitar back and forth and sat out and photosynthesized on the front lawn, the weather was just ridiculously wonderful. Got to hang out for a few hours before he had to take off in the evening. I was shocked that it was already 6pm. Partly due to the time shift this weekend.

I was off work on monday, and spent it working on small projects, mostly staying home. Overall things are good, but sometimes little things can make you feel pretty down for a while. There is a bigger picture, the further back you can look at it from, the smaller everything looks.

Burn One Down

For dessert yesterday, a fine Andes mint chocolate mini brownie coated in a Andes mint chocolate candy shell...


For dinner... fresh baby... mmm.. two toothed vampire baby...


Today is going to be a great day. I know it and all I've done so far is listen to music and take a hot shower and play guitar, and the whole rest of the day is ahead of me. How cool is that? How totally amazing is that.. the whole rest of the day. Anything could happen.

When Her Father Beat Her She Used to Hide in the Fridge

The plum tree, in full bloom, seems melancholy to me.

I read two quotes today, and I'm not sure which I find to be the more compelling:
"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute" - Josh billings
"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure." - George Edward Woodberry

The second one is good, but it's fairly generic when you think about it.

"There are people out there who give their love freely. They open their hearts up knowing that they're going to be ripped at by the world, and they accept it with a straight face. They're like brick walls that just hurt and hurt and hurt and all the time leave themselves out there, giving everyone they meet an opportunity. An opportunity to be better. Fuck those jerks. I'm tired of being given all the opportunities I need to prove that I'm an asshole." - Vacating Voids Dust

Feeling Musical

Great to see a creative use of stick figures paired with a beautiful song.




Meanwhile, Peppers has been viciously guarding against a mysterious cat that appears in every window he looks into. He has tried running from window to window to window and it is ALWAYS there.. gazing back, mocking him with its presence. He trills with frustration and cries to go out and seek the death of this mysterious stranger.

Good Days

Quite a very long weekend I have just had. Plenty of food and company and company. Pretty wild events that I can't really talk about. Sad stuff. Hope my friends get their act together, though. It can be said without doubt, though, that spending time in the Newman's garage with guitars and beer is never bad time spent.

I'm a little tired right now, so it's all going to tumble out in a bit of a jumble. Sunday was a big housecleaning day, scrubbing everything down, vacuuming, put together my lawnmower for the first time, went out and used it. The clover fields around my house were getting a little high. It was a beautiful day and I went over everything and got it all cleaned up. I still need an edger and a trimmer.

Before all that, Shepard spent the night in the guest room on saturday night after lots of heavy drinking in the Newman's garage. It was a long night, lots of talking, lots of strumming guitar, watching shows, and things like that. Before that.. shopping for Moe, my lawn mower. While I was there I looked at lots of really awesome patio sets, planning for the future. These same sets probably wont be available, but the prices will likely be similar, so I can decide when I have enough spare cash to start shopping in earnest.

I started looking at tree prices for a marmalade tree(orange tree to which I plan to graft lemon and kumquat branches), the jam tree(plum tree for the beautiful spring flowers to which I will graft apricot and peach tree branches), and raspberries and blackberries to plant around the whole house. I think next spring will be the best time to start planting trees and replacing the trees and bushes in my yard.

So much to do... so fun to plan and prepare for. It's going to be a great week, and looking forward to a wonderful weekend making dinner for my parents.

And Chasing Amy is an amazing movie. Watched it at work today. Oh, yeah.

Flower Children

Apparently my lawnmower is a hippie. It wont mow down flowers, it bends them to the ground, cuts down all the grass and clover around them, then lets them pop right back up. Doesn't bother me, but I feel that the mower deserves some hazing for its free love point of view.

Bob Marley would be proud.



That's not Bob Marley, but whatever.

Movie Tonight? Yes, Please!

Movie Tavern is playing Back to the Future tonight at 9:30. Want to know who has two thumbs and is going to be there? This guy.

It's What Hits At Midnight

There is music here.



My cat follows me to my bedroom and sits on the boundary of the threshold, unwavering, not entering, but not turning back. He stares at me. It is dark and his silhouette and eyes are all I see, but they communicate his meaning. The end is near.

Men Must Live to Create, Live to the Point of Tears

Been a wild weekend. It began, as all good things do, with something new and dangerous. In this case it began with the creation of this beautiful sunset red jam which was ready to begin tasting on friday. I consider the very idea of habanero preserves to have perhaps evolved from the desire to weaponize breakfast. Don't let the name fool you, this is one of the most delicious things my kitchen has ever produced, and it produced 3 and 3/4ths 8oz jars of it.

Isn't it beautiful?



Later that night, Zac arrived far ahead of schedule and we spent time at half priced books and eventually got around to playing Carcassonne and watching The Princess Bride, which is one of the most beautiful movies ever made. Zac practiced his music while I cooked dinner, chicken with potatoes and onions. At Chefs 2b on saturday we taught the children to make fettuccine from scratch, and it is surprisingly easy. I think I am going to buy a pasta machine for home and start doing it myself.

Saturday night was more hanging out, half priced books, and long john silvers for dinner. I shopped for smokers, which made me decide that I am going to make the effort to move my old one to the new house. While at half priced books, though, I did find that delightful book sitting underneath the Habanero preserves. I am very enthralled with the recipes inside it and find them incredibly mouthwatering.

Sunday was mostly lazy, playing games with Zac before he left and lounging around reading books and watching movies. Monday, on the other hand, I was wildly busy. Everything from computer work for Chefs 2b to housework at my mom's house, picking up a new CO2 tank for beer, to dancing lessons downtown.

I learned some West Coast Swing and spent an hour and a half practicing at it at the group lesson. Finally settled for a beer at the Newman's at around 10pm, which turned into only a half a beer since something clogged up the line preventing us from pouring our latest brew till we transfer to a different keg and clean out the line of whatever the blockage is. Hung out there for a couple of hours chatting idly. It was a very good day. Even got this picture of one of the many blossoms on the strawberry plants I have at my mom's house still:



These blossoms are always so beautiful. I am going to finally find a way to move my massive planter on thursday after I serve the strawberry shortcake I made the dough for this afternoon after work to my realtor's office to say thank you so much for all the work she did in getting me into my beautiful home.

As for now, it is still a ridiculously beautiful day, and I am going to spend the rest of it outside in some form or other. Ciao, world.

Why so fabulous?

Can you hear that sweet music?

The pictures are somewhat incomplete, as the camera was not broken out until a thin portion of the evening and many who attended the unsubbing of the lair were undocumented. Their anonymity is for their own benefit, and the benefit of their evil works.

The gang is all here, and then some:

There was music:

And there was dancing:

Young Miss Prim was unamused:

Special guest appearance by young Caius:

Noms were provided, but pictures of the actual noms did not do justice. Suffice to say that the chicken ceviche is now on my permanent recipe list, mango salsa is ALWAYS delicious, and shrimp scampi is divine. A Toast to good food:

On tap:

And the back massage fairy was floating around:


Photos provided by Miss Kayla, who happened to be on the wrong(right?) side of the camera at all times.

Tell Yourself Everything Is Alright

Been 9:15 For Hours

Only Counting the Blue Ones

The Horizon is Burning

A Deal With God.

Home Improvement...

Home improvement is difficult for me, because stud finders go off
constantly whenever I pick them up.

The Big Day

Wine, food, music, lots of great company. Today is going to be huge. There should be friends coming and going in and out of the house from breakfast through super late. I hope I made enough dark chocolate pudding for everyone:


16 egg yolks for the double batch for the cups means I'm going to have some monster egg white omelets for breakfast for whoever wants them. I am loaded with wine and beer, chicken, shrimp, garlic, bacon, and butter. Maybe I could use some more cheese... I only just finished making the pudding about half an hour ago. I didn't start till a little before midnight. I had an amazing nap after work today. Anyway, it was fast, and fun, and lots of bowls were licked and sweet excess savored, and I am ready for far more cooking tomorrow. I just wanted the pudding to have overnight to set.

It has been an amazing week of building things, playing with toys, reading, writing, and listening to music.

The Window Pain

Windows make the world
Everything is divided by glass
So fragile and defenseless
It stands like a wall
We can see what we want
But cannot have
What makes this prison so strong
Worse than bars of iron
I dare not shatter my bonds
Dare not.....
Dare not....
Dare not...
Dared not.
If we break the glass
We break the world
Shatter it bit by bit
Dared not.
I dare.

Clever

Things People Say

Frequently I stumble along and hear this or that. Just listening a bit, and sometimes reading, and sometimes, the this or that seems incredibly profound, and worth repeating again and again. Sometimes when you catch hold of a truth you ache so deeply to whisper it along that the compulsion hardly seems to originate within you.

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." - Judy Garland

Passion transcends flesh, I think. To elicit this feeling in someone else, to interact with them in such a way that they sense you are interacting with something under their skin, their heart or their soul, and when you look at them, make them feel like you are looking behind their eyes. That feeling of transparency is... so complex.

"The soul's joy lies in doing." -Percy Bysshe Shelley.

Maybe this is important. Do people want parity? I don't think so. I think satisfaction must be entirely gained through the joy of mere existence, in doing whatever we do.



"Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions." - Edgar Cayce

Kahlil Gibran on Love

Do you think there is some place we can go where we can be ourselves at least part of the time?

I like hiding things, all kinds of things, all kinds of places. Would I want to be myself? Can you find the hidden music?

Plug me in, beautiful, hear my unsaid words, read my mind, and share a meal with me, when you break bread, you... you what?

I don't think you can hear the music that I do, but I want to believe that it is in your heart.

I wonder what you get for 1000 origami flowers. There are always flowers for you here.

Happy Valentines Day

"And now, this is the sweetest and most glorious day that ever my eyes did see."

Amazing Friday, Amazing Saturday

Friday was really, really good. I found my mailbox for the very first
time, which was incredibly cool. Then I took care of all my change of
addresses... Drivers License, car note, netflix, etc. After getting
all of that done(Stuff I couldn't do till after I had keys to the
mailbox), I felt really accomplished, but I still went on to cook
dinner, have company over, and finish homework. Played guitar a lot,
learned some riffs from Silverchair's Tomorrow. Not on my list of
amazing songs, but it's good for practicing switching between
strumming chords and playing riffs and notes.

I'm at a point where it's hard for me to find really beautiful songs
that are right at my difficulty level to play well and improve at. I
feel the happiest and most accomplished when I am getting things done,
taking care of responsibilities, etc. Maybe it's from all the years
when I was so stuck in life that it was a rare day that I would get
something really important taken done. This whole project has been
incredibly rewarding, from beginning to end a surprising success.

Robert Schuller once asked, "What would you attempt if you knew you
could not fail?" Every task and decision and adventure must be
undertook with this as a basic assumption. A different approach must
be taken to life that assumes that passion and desire and
determination are the fundamental driving forces of any endeavor. What
is failure? How do you know when it's happened? Robert Schuller's
question seems at once to miss something incredible, while at the same
time highlighting every facet of it. Is he leading everyone who reads
that question so this miraculous destination of understanding this
view of success, failure, motivation and its relationship to ambition?

Saturday actually started pretty lousy. The middle party at Chefs 2b
cancelled, so I was there all day long but only did 2 parties, both of
which were messy and busy and a lot of work, but neither tipped. But,
I got an amazing recipe for lobster bisque, one of my favorite soups
ever. After that, I finished my homework for the weekend, got a test
done and turned in. Then, my dad called and said that they definitely
planned on coming over for dinner. I got to work immediately, produced
a delicious rich shrimp scampy and a side of oven roasted garlic
rosemary potatoes, onions, and red peppers in an hour and a half, just
as they were getting to my house. Shared a wonderful meal and a bottle
of wine with both of them, they brought the wine, and a
congratulations card and told me that they had both gotten raises, and
bonuses, and on top of all of that, that Marry Ellen had even gotten a
promotion. I was so happy for them. We watched Cloudy With a Chance of
Meatballs together and they also brought a lamp that my Aunt Karen
gave me but I had forgotten at their house. I had the perfect place
for it, it's a really cool looking lamp.

I have more work at Chefs 2b today. Maybe it's going to be another
really good day? I'm going to start it off with a movie before work.

Crime and Punishment

Oftentimes have I heard you speak of one who commits a wrong as though he were not one of you, but a stranger unto you and an intruder upon your world.

But I say that even as the holy and the righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you,

So the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also.

And as a single leaf turns not yellow but with the silent knowledge of the whole tree,

So the wrong-doer cannot do wrong without the hidden will of you all.

Like a procession you walk together towards your god-self.

You are the way and the wayfarers.

And when one of you falls down he falls for those behind him, a caution against the stumbling stone.

Ay, and he falls for those ahead of him, who though faster and surer of foot, yet removed not the stumbling stone.



And this also, though the word lie heavy upon your hearts:

The murdered is not unaccountable for his own murder,

And the robbed is not blameless in being robbed.

The righteous is not innocent of the deeds of the wicked,

And the white-ahanded is not clean in the doings of the felon.

Yea, the guilty is oftentimes the victim of the injured,

And still more often the condemned is the burden bearer for the guiltless and unblamed.

You cannot separate the just from the unjust and the good from the wicked;

For they stand together before the face of the sun even as the black thread and the white are woven together.

And when the black thread breaks, the weaver shall look into the whole cloth, and he shall examine the loom also.


--Kahlil Gibran "The Prophet"

And verily he will find the roots of the good and the bad, the fruitful and the fruitless, all entwined together in the silent heart of the earth.

And you judges who would be just,

What judgment pronounce you upon him who though honest in the flesh yet is a thief in spirit?

What penalty lay you upon him who slays in the flesh yet is himself slain in the spirit?

And how prosecute you him who in action is a deceiver and an oppressor,

Yet who also is aggrieved and outraged?

--Kahlil Gibran "The Prophet"

The Circle of Fifths

Pic from New Year's Eve

Amor Est Vitae Essentia

First week of the new year has been really big. Surprisingly big. Art
and music have been present in every day so far. One surprise, though.
Out of all the brilliant and beautiful quotes I have read this past
month or so, some of the most beautiful words I have seen were from
Bill Cosby. Though, in truth, this should not have been much of a
surprise, considering his credentials as a human being and a humorist.

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

It's one of those quotes that just rings true with your soul about life itself.

I think it should be noted that I like the most recent film
interpretation of I Am Legend. I like it a lot. This is significant
because I have finally read the original story, and so now I know
what's different. Part of what makes a story good, regardless of the
quality of the plot is in the telling, and the new movie is pretty
flawlessly told. It's a brilliant pacing set with a storyline that is
filled with empathetic catalysts and human loneliness. It captures a
lot of the feel of the earlier part of the novel, but in making the
diseased humanity too feral and monstrous, they lost the ability to
use the twist that was used at the end of the novel. I had just
written a paragraph or two about the nature of the novel's twist, till
I realized, someone might read it, and it's worth reading, especially
for the twist ending. Suffice it to say that I previously entirely
hated the alternate ending to the new movie, but now, while I still
hate it, I understand the purpose and what it was trying to do. They
made the monsters too monstrous, with too few glimpses of humanity,
too violent, and the attack on his home too horrendous for their
numbers for it to work, so it is very very bad, but I understand it
and now I understand why they didn't use it.

Lately I have been dreaming of electric sheep. I wonder what that means?

Today we are re-brewing our Campfire Blond, and we plan on doing it
right this time with much fewer smoked malts for a more balanced
flavor.

"The chairs, the carpet, the tables -- all had rotted away; they
sagged in mutual ruin, victims of the despotic forces of time. And of
abandonment."

Some quotes make you feel good. Others ought to make you feel the
entropic forces of the universe encroaching around you.

"There's no such thing as quitting. Just sometimes there's a longer
pause between relapses, right?" - Laurie

Others feel sort of like private coded messages.

Signing out, "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human
existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere
being." -- C.G. Jung

Food is not all you can eat.

Omegle conversation log

2011-01-08

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: What do you want?

Stranger: you

Stranger: and

Stranger: your

You: God, I've been waiting for this moment for so long

Stranger: beautiful

Stranger: soul

You: Do you want kids?

Stranger: hmmmm

Stranger: how many are we talking here?

Stranger: 1-3?

You: 1.5

Stranger: 4'7?

Stranger: 1.5 is good

Stranger: what are we going to do with the other .5 though?

Stranger: donate it?

You: There is no .5, you stunt the second one's growth with coffee and cigarettes at 9

Stranger: oh, okay

Stranger: yes, then

Stranger: 1.5 kids with you sounds perfect

You: With enough booze in their system, they'll never even mentally mature past 9, they'll be a .5 forever

Stranger: let's get started

You: I can't. I'm sterile. I had my tubes tied.

Stranger: awww.

Stranger: let's adopt!

You: Yes!!

Stranger: from where though?

You: Antarctica.

You: Eskimo babies.

Stranger: yesyesyes

You: It may take some mild frost bite to get them, but they will be ours, whether the parents agree or not

Stranger: oohhh, possible kidnapping

Stranger: i like it

Stranger: and don't worry dear, i'll pack the warm jackets

You: It's not kidnapping if they're not citizens of a country.

Stranger: a valid point

You: Or is it? Is kidnapping a legal term or an emotional one?

You: Like, "You kidnapped my heart forever"?

You: Or, "I've never been more in love with you than when you stole that baby"

Stranger: good question.

You: Or is it specifically the unlawful abduction of a child from its legal guardians?

Stranger: let's stick to 'it's only kidnapping if we ask for a randsom'

You: Okay, well, I'm not asking for a randsom, so what is it then?

You: Surpris adoption?

Stranger: yes.

Stranger: supride adoption sounds good.

Stranger: suprise, rather.

You: Yes.

You: Well, it's decided then. We have a lot of packing and planning to do, I'll see you later tonight, okay?

Stranger: sounds good, love

You: Good bye.

You have disconnected.