Heat Stroke, oh Joy

Today was distinctly unpleasant. It started off well, Alan picked me up, and it looked like I might be on time or only a little late for work, then he let me drive there myself in his car, then the rear right tire blew out at 12:20 on I10 East bound. Of course absolutely no one could help me. I was stranded. Heat, and not enough gas to leave the car running, chuck was finally able to arrive at 2, and then he took the tire to Wal-Mart to be replaced under the warranty. It took them over an hour to fix the tire. Somehow having a customer stranded in the heat of the highway to keep from getting towed does not grant any kind of priority whatsoever, no matter how simple the problem.

Worse, my right contact fell out. Right into the sand, making it un-wearable. If I had water with me, I could have cleaned it off, but scratch that. So I threw it away. And the other one was disposed of after I got to work because of the headache that disjointed vision was causing me.

By the time I got to work, about 3:20, I was sunburned, my head hurt, and I did not smell fresh. I spent the next several hours coping, cooling off, telling people my story, but otherwise enjoying myself and getting to know my puppy, who I named Clair, and who can sit down, roll over, lay down, and who has won her first Frisbee championship.

*Enjoys the sweet, sweet feel of fresh A/C as I finish typing *

Tomorrow can only be better.

Fried Trucks Jubilee

Well, my eye is feeling better now, when I first got to work, the contact in it was driving me crazy and hurting really bad. This weekend was a mixed bag. Friday night was okay, very relaxing. Saturday was very good, Mike was kind enough to drive me all the way out to have a look at the Ford Ranger of a friend of his father’s. He wants 2500, Kelly blue book says it’s worth 1230, I think that perhaps a fair price can be found somewhere between the two. Later in the evening I spent time with George, and his girl along with Mike, Justin, Cym, and Jackson as I cooked fried bananas and fried apples. The apples were fried in cinnamon batter, and the bananas were drizzled with a cherry rum sauce that I set fire to, and it glowed a very pretty blue. Served with mint leaves and ice cream, the whole thing was delicious and fun. Cym had told me prior to eating one of each that she did not like that style of food, but then enjoyed it so much she had her own bowl, which I considered to be the best compliment of the evening.

Much time was spent on Sunday working on my comprehensive project for Web Design I. I started it on Friday night, and was too busy Saturday to get much done, so it didn’t get turned in till 1 past 12 in the ay em last night. I made 170 out of 200 points for the whole thing. I think she was very kind in grading it and only taking 10 points off for lateness. I think this will leave me with an A for the overall course. Or at least a high b. Thing is, I don’t think it makes a different if it’s a high or a low b. All the same, I did my best, and I expect similar results from Digital Imaging I.

Most of Saturday, and the chunk of it that kept me from going to Kayla’s party was the horrid vehicle swapping that was forced early in the afternoon by my mom who suddenly decided not to get it done on Saturday evening. On the plus side, I did get to spend some time with my dad talking and chatting, and mom took me to Taqueria Arandas, which ended up being VERY awesome. Their burritos are incredible.

Yeah, Kingdom of Loathing is awesome.

Blogging Away In MS Word

This should be very cool, I cannot believe someone has actually made a plugin for word that lets me post to blogger.com without working through a web browser and constantly worrying about crashes for long posts.
I may find myself posting more often, considering how easy it is to just fire up word, type out a few paragraphs or pages and then pop onto blogger. In fact, with national novel writing month creeping up on us in November, I believe this may give me the edge I need to really crank out that 50k this year.

Speaking of which, I really need to think of a good story to do this year. I don’t want to rehash what I did last year, and so I really want to do something fresh. Or maybe an old story that never got longer than a page. My writing has greatly improved since last year. Not just my typing speed, and spelling, but also my flow, and organization.
I hope for much more improvement in the year to come. Some day it would be beautiful to be published, even if I’m the only one who buys my book.

Now, if only I could find a way to get  livejournal to mirror my blogspot blog.

Finally finished all my homework but my very last assignment for the year. That will go pretty easily. I will do it tomorrow. I feel so accomplished. This weekend I could end up buying a 94 ford ranger for 2500 with working A/C which is better than my last truck. I really want to get the no car phase of my life over with.

FEAR looks awesome. Cant wait for it to come out.

So does the latest RPG to use the Source engine.

So does my Penis.

Tonight I made chilli. George and his girlfriend were the only ones who were able to come and eat it. It was very good, and I loved making it. I also fried bananas in cinimon batter and served them with vanilla ice cream and fresh picked mint leaves. Little did I know that George's girlfriend is allergic to dairy. All my plans thwarter. I had already left onions out of the chilli for her. Oh well, I guess not everyone can enjoy all the fruits of the earth. I also tried putting a bit of apple into the chilli.. no one even noticed, it tasted very very good.

I have a ton of homework to do. I will try to work straight through till it's all done. I imagine that it is possible but will be daunting. Dad is back, and I need to give his truck back tomorrow. Mom found a car for 2500, but everyone says it's probably a clunker, so I'll more than likely finance and get a really nice car that will take me maybe 2 years to pay off. *sigh* Well, at least the settlement money will help loads. Pay off the doctor bills and what my car was worth. I don't really want more than that. It was a rental car company. So they're not exactly getting anything back from the bastard who was doing coke all day. And on top of that, they lost their car too, which was worth a lot more than mine.

A Poem for Pattie:

Love is not fickle,
Nor is it fleeting.
Such are the ways of lust,
And shallow hearts.

Love lasts when words fail,
And perseveres through doubt.

Today I worked myself really hard to do something relatively trivial... fixed up and made a useable tattoo for a friend, so far, I'm really happy with it, but I'd love to get advice and sugguestions for it or at least some comments, so feel free to have a look and tell me what you think.... it took about 4 hours of tedius work... and now I'm just going to relax the rest of the day. What the heck, I'll post the original too. I'll let you guess which is mine.

It's been a beautiful day. There is quite simply no explaining how wonderful so much sleep was and how great I've been feeling today. I spent the day doing tutorials for photoshop, and I will do a little more before I go to sleep, early again, tonight.

I have 2 new games, and I haven't even touched them I've been so busy lately.

Even more importanly, I'm missing someone today. She knows who she is.

It's been a long weekend. A very very long weekend, and I am very tired. I'll write more tomorrow but it wont be about the weekend, if you were there you were there, and if not, well then you werent. Did get to spend lots of time with my friends. Today was pretty good, did a ton of homework for web design I last night, and then I was so inspired I redid a ton of work on http://filelibrary.endofinternet.org and it came out great. All in all I was up very late, and I cannot wait to go to sleep, even though there are a million other things I would enjoy doing.

Now to take the test over the homework...

Got this weeks homework done, time to start work on next weeks. Plus I made some Java progress on displaying a 3d Die. Well, it's a beautiful night out, and my serranjo pepper plant is sprouting blossoms from the extra watering and has many times the leaves it had before. I really have to keep it well watered, once in the morning and again in the evening.

I need to get the police info from my mom, because I don't think I'm going to be getting anything done with the insurance if I leave it to her, considering nothing has happened yet. Which is really frustrating. I want a car by this time next week or the week after that. Absolutely no later than that. It doesn't have to be a truck, a car will definitely do me, as long as it gets good miles per gallon considering my driving habits.

Last night was really good, got home at a reasonable hour, took possesion of my dad's truck, so I will be able to drive myself around until next friday maybe next saturday. So much happiness. Anyway, more later, now, rest.

Well, last night was not fun. Was stuck out at work till my mom remembered me at 11:30. At least she bought me dinner which was awfully nice of her, I thought. Ate Taco Bell, which, it apears, has started accepting credit cards, so I may begin eating there again as I never carry cash, which made it very difficult before. The entire time I was out here the mouse batteries were dead. Can you imagine how horrible that is? 11 hours with no mouse. I was able to do some things but it was horrible. Anyway, I am still totally without a vehicle, which is not good, but effort is being made in the right direction, and I will be able to borrow dad's truck tonight for the rest of this week and all of next, which will mean early days and car dealers galore. Hard to do that when you're hitching rides.

Anyway, the day goes on and life seems to be relatively unchanged by daily existence. I can live with that. But I'll live with it better when I get myself a means of personal transportation. I may cash my stock savings to do it. Feels like its not doing much but keeping me from getting good grants for college by being there. Could use it to get a relatively very nice vehicle, and pay back school loans.

I do have to especially thank George, Jackson, and Chuck who have all been there and given me rides to and from work, even though it is very unpleasantly far. And thanks to Mike for offering, though I denied thinking I already had rides coming.

Sandy more crashed onto the floor than sat, though no bruises were gained anywhere, and the side of the bed easily caught the extra weight rather than allowing the body to slump into a slouched sitting up position, every drooping feature a indication of a fraction of the many emotions swirling broken and unchecked within, so fast and unchecked that it was impossible to tell whether they were pain, sadness, or even a touch of relief of some kind. Tears began to flow unchecked and those useless fingers dragged on the floor, unmoving, as though in rebelion to ever desire to wipe the eyes that drained drop by drop down damp cheeks.

Someone banged their fist against the door, knocking loudly, and firmly, but questioningly. The name, Sandy, drifted through the door with all the strength and firm resolve of a sheet of tissue as it wavered and folded and feel silent before the entire word was even out. The very space around seemed so impossibly different than it had only a few seconds ago and not a single thing about it had changed. Even the things on the floor had remained un-moved despite the violent shuffling of feet moments before. There was a hollow feeling to everything. It seemed to Sandy as though behind every visible surface lurked a dark emptiness that would forever be unchallenged as it grew and pulsed with an audible heart-beat, and as though every little thing could at any moment give way.

Nothing can cure this, or make it better, or go away. Why feel it now? Why ever feel it at all? And with these thoughts, and many more, Sandy wiped the flowing tears from one eye. Nothing is worth feeling like this.

Everything was like lead. Crystal blue eyelids slowly pulsed down, so tired, so suddenly. How can anyone lay awake with so much darkness crowding in from every wall? And so the lashes interlocked as the dim light from the south facing window, shaded by a tree keeping the noon sun away, was shut out of those eyes that, for the moment, felt like they were a thousand years old.

Sleep. Such embracing sleep. So many tears inside flowing out. Sleep at long, long last, like the most comforting mother's hug in all the world, came and embraced Sandy. And the tears continued to flow, salty sweet as they dripped one by one.

Well, today was pretty good, nice and relaxed with no work to do. Yesterday I had real work and school work, but today I've been reading. Tonight I'm going to my mom's house, where I'm going to spend the night, then tomorrow I'm going to shop for cars. By this time tomorrow, I could be driving my new vehicle. That would be really nice. I really want to yell at someone's insurance, but I STILL don't have that report. I can't let that stop me from getting a car though. Heck, the guy may be uninsured, in which case, I might as well go ahead and buy a car anyway, because I wont be getting any kind of compensation. *le Sigh*

Just listened to 20 second clips of some really awesome songs. I loved every one, I was rather shocked, but they were awesome with a great beat and some nice melody and excellent lyrics. I'm keeping the page bookmarked so that I can listen to them again without too much trouble.

Baked another cake today, came out really good, I also finished my tutorials, I am now caught up. Now I'll be working with everyone else, which should turn out really well, I am very happy with my work so far, I am taking to the subjects well, and enjoying the classes quite a bit, even if I was more than a little over worked doing so much over the course of a week. Anyway, I'm feeling a little depressed right now, and I don't know why, just sort of feel like sitting down and not thinking about anything.

Baking a cake right now! Been working on tutorials all day. Going to work on them again afterward, but after that, I'm done for the week. I really hope I started working soon enough that my teacher doesn't count off too much. Anyway, I am deeply in need of a few days without working on tutorials.

Well, finished tutorial 3 today. Longer and harder than any of the others I've done so far. Looks like 4 is even longer. I've been working hard for 2 days on this stuff. I can't wait to get a breather from it. Anyway, the oregano lives, and will live, and is growing well. And the lemon thyme apears to be growing roots on all the branches, I bet I could easily plant a sprout of that for a friend. Got more work to do, and food to eat, so I will write again tomorrow.

Nice slow weekend. Spent some time with Mom and Alan on saturday, and then went to fry's with Mike and ate an appetizer at red lobster with George and Mike. Spent early sunday at Best Buy with Mike and Zac. Got nothing while I was there. After that I went to my mom's house to eat dinner with the friends they had over, Father Tony and Edna, we had boiled potatoes, corn, shrimp, and salad. It was all really delicious and the conversation was great. I got to take a peek at a 100 year old copy of Utopia.

Was also a bit of a shock to find out that Father Tony, was well, a Father, since prior to that I had only heard him called Tony. After a really nice evening, I headed home, and began serious work on my homework for Web Design I. I am about 1/2 done, at least. I still have a ton of work to do, but I'm sure I can be done by tonight. I'm going to ask if maybe I can do some extra work to make up for my tardiness.

Tutorial 2 done, tutorial 2 quiz on the way, tutorial 3 to go to catch up, and 4 for this week.

Oh, and mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, how I love herbs! Sadly my oregano looked very unhealthy when I left this morning. I watered it pretty heavily, I hope it is better when I get home. If it dies, it will be #2 down.

Well, tomorrow I go back to cooking traditional fare on the grill. I don't know exactly what I'm going to make, but it'll be hamburgers or fajitas or something simple like that. Anyway, I've also started looking for a truck, and I think I've found a pretty good one for 1,100. Maybe I can test drive it over the weekend and see how it runs. If it does well, and if a mechanic checks it out, I'll snatch it up right then and there.

For my girl:

You speak of bedbugs,
and how their bite will hurt some.
You are my summer.

Cake got finished off... successfully caught up in Digital Imaging I, now I need to catch up in Web Design I. Should be cake of piece. Speaking of cake, I finished off the orange cake I made the other night tonight. Also, Mike and I went to Cold Stone where I tried the nastiest icecream I have ever seen for sale in a comercial outlet, Wasabi Ginger. Ugh. It tasted horrible. You could literally have put it on top of sushi and it would have tasted BETTER. And that is saying something horrible.

Been reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Who knew that I was 100% right when I said that with all the people who were buying it, and who were going to read it, that I really would be able to borrow it by monday? As it happened I could have, even though I didn't pick it up till tuesday. I'll probably finish it by the end of the week.

Anyway, off for more random goodness.

Been doing tons of homework lately. 2 weeks to catch up on, 1 week in the other class. It's all a bit insane today. But, I love it. Maybe by friday I'll accomplish something other than school work.

Played FEAR last night with Mike. Baked a cake today, my first baking ever. It wasn't easy, but it came out well. Played more FEAR with Jake while I fed him cake.

You should always "Feed Jake". Just ask the Pirates of Mississippi.

This weekend was quite an experience. Friday began, after leaving work, of course, with mom and Alan taking me to a family group at the Texas House Recovery Center. The purpose of the family groups is for addicts to bring their families with them to a group where they can learn to share and better understand what's happening. I sat in the back with Alan and my mom, Alan was a student of the two people who taught the class, which is why we were sitting in. There were some songs sung that really touched me, I haven't been to anything similar since the Halloween NA meeting with Jackson back about three or maybe more years ago.

It's a really incredibly moving experience to be at something like that, there's a lot of palpable pain in the room, and also something else that seems very subtle even though it is posted as the overt message of the entire group. It's really hard to describe what a whole room full of hurt people healing just a little bit feels like, because nothing else quite comes close. During both experiences, NA with Jackson, and this, I let out a tear or two. I probably could have let out more. I don't know. After I got to mom's house, I went straight to my dad's to pick up the textbooks he got me for the second session of summer semester. It was really generous of him, and I really needed them, since the classes had already started. Then, straight home, where I slept. Babies don't sleep that good.

Woke up early the next day and went straight back to my mom's house, and then wen to the grocery store with Alan who taught me how to pick a good brisket, I got a 15lb one and some baked beans to go with it, then at 2 o'clock I treated my mom to Wedding crashers, after which we saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on the IMAX. It was beautiful, plus, I finally saw the trailer to the new Harry Potter movie, which was, to say the least, amazing. I am seeing it opening night. Wedding Crashers had a lot of funny scenes, and I enjoyed it much. Chocolate Factory was very good, except for Wonka himself. His voice was so high pitched, I found it distracting and annoying the majority of the time whe he delivered his lines. There were moments where he was just perfect, and others where, sigh. He had the potential to be the right man for the job, he did a lot of stuff perfect. He did much more of it annoyingly.

After I got home, I went to Jake's house for his birthday, and then after playing a ton of games over there, I came home and started cooking the brisket at 1 am. It cooked well into the afternoon when the rain started and I felt it wise to cover the smoker and move the brisket into the oven for finishing off. it ended up being delicous, the baked beans are equally excellent. Dad brought potato salad and took some food home to Mary Ellen who was unable to make it, as she was not feeling very well at all.

After dad left, we started playing F.E.A.R. multiplayer Beta. We had some issues when we first tried it. It was problematic trying to figure out how to aquire the guest cd keys that were rightfully mine for buying the pre-order. We finally got that sorted out, and by luck, Jackson, and George, who brought their computers, as well as Mike and I, who used both of mine, actually began playing so intensely, that we kept it up till about midnight. Each match in the game is 20 minutes long. Mike played through 9 games that were each, in turn, theoretically his last match. It was the first time since XCOM that events occured that were worthy of telling stories about afterward, and the first time since Day of Defeat that we played so intensely without break, ceasing only because two of our players had bedtimes, and we could find no replacements.

Whew... so that whole event went on, Justin and Cymeron visited, and enjoyed the food. To everyone who came, thank you very much, it was a lot of fun.

Incedentally, we still have one F.E.A.R. beta key left.

Smoking a brisket today, everyone is invited. Fortunately I did most of the work last night, so, despite the rain, it's gotten enough flavor, so, if the rain doesnt stop, I can move it into the oven for the duration of the cooking. Once again, everyone is invited.

Thunder

I love the sound of thunder on a dark and stormy day,
My heart is what listens as it rolls across the overcast sky.

Sometimes it never even stops,
Like a singer who never breathes!
It rolls across the sky,
Loud and smashing,
Low and grumbling,
Dark and tumbling!

A single crash lasting minutes on end,
Each rumbling blast blends into the next.
Like a drum it pounds, with bass at its core,
On and on it goes, percussion for a soul.

I love the sound of thunder on a dark and stormy day,
The thunder speaks like words that no man alive can say.

Last night was a bust. I'm disapointed in myself. As soon as I got to mom's house I went and took a nap, it was 8 by the time I went to sleep, and I was hoping for 3 hours, in addition to 2 hours after the movie in order to feel mildly decent today. Sleep stopped me from going, and ultimately my nap lasted all night long. So, like, I did nothing but work a 12 hour day yesterday on little sleep and then sleep all night long and now I'm at work again. 7 to 7. Not such a horrible thing, I'll be getting 5 hours overtime. But I need to relax tonight. I don't know what I'm going to do, or where I'm going to do it.

By the way, as many of you have probably found out, or at least noticed the effects of, I left my cell phone at home yesterday before I left for work at 6 am, and so today is my second day without it. My office phone is my only means of communication, as it was yesterday, after all this I'm going home. I'll have my cell again around about 7:30pm tonight. Calling it will be fruitless till then.. at least, and asuming nothing else comes up that keeps me from driving by my apartment. Which very well might happen the way the past three days have been. Here's hoping though.

Anyway, back to working on J3D...

Going to go see Charlie and the Chocolate factory with my mom tonight, and then spend the night at her house, going to be awake and at work by 7am tomorrow again. Forgot my cell phone at home and I've been kicking myself in the back of the pants the whole night for it.

I wrote a review:

War of the Worlds
Another cinematic shot at a literature masterpiece.


Rating: I like it a lot!

Who it’s for: People who like Tom Cruise’s buttocks, fair to good science fiction, Spielberg, and all those in favor of old school horror, you know the kind, where you’re scared by the idea and not the constant exposure to ugly things jumping out of dark places.

Who it’s not for: Enemies to the perfect religion of Scientology and all it’s un-official representatives, anyone not in the mood for some really horrific scenery, children, and if you’re not on either list, read the review to see if it helps you better decide.

Consider it a bad idea to start off a review with a side note, if you will, but this is an important fact: This movie was reviewed without having seen the original incarnation of it, or having read the book in many years, and so without any real substance to compare against, other than general knowledge of the story and theme, and so no claims are made at it being a superior or inferior work. With that said, it is a really good movie on a lot of counts.

Spielberg’s War of the Worlds is a wonderful ride, during which the viewer never leaves their Tom Cruise shaped roller coaster car through a world ravaged by war brought from another world. The forced perspective through everything brings a sharp personalization to events that are in most movies viewed almost exclusively from the point of view of people who know what is going on.

Some of the greatest chills in the movie do not have a single alien in them. The chance that there is anyone who could go unmoved by some of the genuinely frightening scenes of people’s behavior in the movie is unnerving. Scenes of man’s inhumanity to man at the heart of the story have such a deep realism to them that they are in many ways worse than the fantastical terrors from beyond. Moments like these brought this movie dangerously close to a classic, they are unforgettable, and gripping in the realism contained within them.

Genuine confusion and fear is instilled in the audience, along with very biting and sharp visuals that bring home a feeling that something very horrible has happened. This kind of honesty in a science fiction film of any kind is a rarity, but War of the Worlds has it in spades. The presence of these scenes is so palpable that in the few places where the viewer is given a moment to relax in a setting that would certainly be incredibly gory, such as a plane crash, the absence of that power is noticeable.

The reactions of any audience to the movie make each scene’s purpose incredibly clear, and from time to time the scenes that are toned down are clearly there to give the viewers an emotional break. Spielberg takes two of those scenes too far, though. Twice near the end of the film the internal reality, and rules, are broken for the sake of making the audience feel less helpless. Both scenes were done to break one of the primary themes of the film, that of human helplessness where nature itself sorts out the horrible acts that occur throughout the story.

The audience cheered, in fact, an awful lot of people will cheer, in all probability, at these two scenes. As a purist of the art of story telling and preservation of ideals within a fictional world, it was gut wrenching to watch as events which did not fit with the reality of the world were employed. Spielberg cheated to produce an outcome that made the people in the audience feel like humanity had a chance to fight the aliens through a group effort of just not letting go of pretty boy Tom’s hand. Break the theme, or break the reality, but doing both at the same time does a disservice to the film as a whole.

The second scene is less offensive, though still disgusting. There is no mistake about it that these scenes were done for the audience. It feels really awkward to be the only one in the theater feeling nauseous at what is being shown while everyone else applauds. Until these two moments, this movie felt like it was one of the real great ones that come out only once in a very long while. As it happens, War of the World makes a great ride, and there is no arguing that for what you get for the ticket price is definitely good, but dodges greatness.

Almost anyone with a strong stomach will more than likely enjoy this movie quite a bit. Spielberg’s work is compelling, and thoughtful despite his personal grandiose style from time to time, the distinct smallness that it made the audience feel was incredible and unforgettable. Though it is strange at the number of personal acquaintances who voiced that they were not inclined to see the movie due to Tom Cruise’s publicly stated politics. Odd, I bet anyone who has a public opinion or point of view suffers from this from someone or another. This just goes to show that making your opinions public is bad business. Either way, War of the Words is an awesome movie, a joy to watch, but just short of a classic for all times.

Tonight, was a bust, did nothing, just spent time reading, didnt visit my mom. Tomorrow night I'm trading cars with my mom, but I have to do it and come home, becaues I have work at 7 am on thursday and friday. Kindof stressful, but I'll live and get a little bit of overtime it will give me.

Tomorrow I work on program code, and write a review for war of the worlds.

Finished my icon for Marcia today.

This weekend was nice, I saw fantastic four with Mike on friday, I spent all day with my mom and Alan on saturday, they let me take the Neon while he worked on the truck. Saturday night was spent with George, Mike, and Jackson getting the last of what I needed for the baked beans and the brisket. Forgot gloves and George was too much of a baby to be the one to rub the dry rub into the brisket, so had to go back out later to get gloves for me to prepare the meat.

On sunday the food wasn't ready till about 10:20 after Mike had already gone home. It was lots of fun, the food was delicious, not as spicy as last time. However, the baked beans were plenty spicy. Everyone went home by midnight though, except Jake who stayed behind and helped clean up till about 12:30.

Today I didn't do much but play catch up in my online class and sleep at work. My muscles are all sore, and I'm probably going to go to sleep early. How early? Know one nos...

I am debating doing TWO briskets tomorrow. I have the smoker capacity, and H.E.B. is having a sale on packer cut. I got a 10lb for 8.98 or something ridiculously low like that, and it's a beautiful cut too. I am also definitely doing baked beans tomorrow, which I expect to come out beautifully by the time everything is said and done.

Since I'll be smoking the briskets, I fully expect that even if it rains, it will not be an issue. I will be using the very same spicy rub as last time, with perhaps a few modifications, including, but not limited to, frsh mint, lemon thyme, and even a dash of ginger. I am avoiding sweetening of the recipe, since I feel that the burn of it, is what makes it unique, and it's not too hot, even though it does have a good kick to it. If I sweatened it up, it would lose the part of it that really distinguishes its flavor from the other things I cook, and besides, I'm always adding sweet ingredients, this time, just the baked beans are going to be sweet.

And boy are they, this is the recipe I'm most tempted by:

• 1 pound navy beans or small white beans
• 6 ounces slab bacon -- cut into 1/2" cubes
• 1 large onion -- peeled and chopped
• 1 medium green bell pepper stemmed, seeded and -- cut into 1/4" cubes
• 1 medium red bell pepper stemmed, seeded and -- cut into 1/4" cubes
• 1 (28 oz) can tomatoes, juices reserved -- coarsely chopped
• 1/2 pound honey-baked ham -- cut into 1/4" cubes
• 1 smoked pork chop* -- cut into 1/4" cubes
• 1 cup ketchup
• 3/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1/4 cup dark molasses
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon dry mustard
• 2 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and -- cut into 1" cubes
• salt -- to taste

Minus the meat ingredients, they'll be getting plenty of flavor from the drippings off the briskets above. I also plan on making 2 sets, one plain, but still very delicous, another one, I am going to add half a cup of beer to, and a couple of drops of hot sauce. I feel the kick between the two extra ingredients should be quite awesome.

George forgot to come shopping with me last night, but that's okay, because I didn't get any of the ingredients for the beans, and so, I'll take him tonight before we season the brisket, and get everything ready, and done, so that I can get up early and fire up the firebox.

Fantastic Four comes out tonight, I will probably watch that, and Dark Water too, which I will probably skip in favor of reading the spoiler online. I've taken to that habbit when it comes to movies of questionable value that have enough of a puzzle in the trailers that I want to view them in all their mediocrity. As it happens, though, reading the spoiler tells me everything I want to know without making me feel like I have had currency pulled out of my pocket as though the theater were a highly skilled dentist, and my back pocket an oral cavity, not even missing what belongs inside of it till two hours after it is gone.

I am certain that for some of you, that called up deeply disturbing visions that you may never forget, and for those of you whom it didn't you are best left not knowing what to imagine. In either event, I am sorry, but I'm not editing that paragraph.

I finished reading The Towers or the Sunset, which, as it happened, had almost nothing to do with any towers, or even sunset really, not literally anway. I really loved it, it was a great book, and as with all the other books in the series of Recluce, it drew me deep into a second reality that seemed plausible within itself. Though less so in this case, that feeling was still there, and I loved it quite a bit.

I have another book by Modesitt that I will be reading next called The Ethos Effect. It's a sci fi, and one of the things I love most about Modesitt is that he seems equally at home writing quality and internally consistant science fiction or fantasy.

Anywho, Mike was over last night, and aside from taking me to do the shopping for the brisket on saturday, he did a ton of work on our website, which is, as of yet, unfinished, and which will not be linked to until Mike is happy with his work.

Anyway, for now, that's really all I can think of off the top of my head... oh, Jackson got his new computer, that's why George TOTALLY forgot that he was supposed to go with me for the brisket. There, NOW that's all.

Well, today I was supposed to go to the store with George and get a brisket for cooking on saturday, but wouldn't you just know, George isn't answering his phone, so I don't knwo what is going to happen, Mike says he'll go, so, I guess that's a plan.

I really wanted to go to a store in the mall and pick up a mortar and pestel, and I'll look for one at the grocery store, but I really need something that's designed for breaking down dry ingredients. A good mortar and pestel would get a LOT of use at my house, I'm tired of using the coffee grinder. Though, I did find it rather enjoyable the oen time my room mate, Chuck, used my coffee grinder for coffee(without asking) after I had used it for dried habaneros. *grins* Oh, that was fun...

Last night I went to church with my mom. Her church is just okay, it's way better than churches she's been to, and it's sad that it's struggling, or it looks like it, when other churches seem to do so well that are just in it for the money. You can feel what a church is about the minute you walk in the door. You can tell what they're priorties are by the way they talk. If anyone in a church ever says to you, "You will loose weight, and get more money, and look better if you continue coming to this church." I cannot believe my mom continued to go to and have faith in a church where the pastor said that. Of course, looking around at the entire congregation, it looked like it was populated mostly by overweight women with their hair dyed blonde. *sigh*

I wish that were a joke.

This is a good church though, with a good pastor, and good messages. And it's really tiny and in the inner city. I suppose that's part of it. My mom literally lives right next door to it, so there's no excuse for her to ever be late. But she still is anyway.

I think I'm going to go again next week.

Mmmm... dentyne ice....

Oh, and I customized all the colors on my live journal version of this page, which happens to be identical, but in place because I was petitioned into creating one. Yucky that one of the better designs had no choices whatsoever for other versions, so if you like my colors, say so...

Clairissa was bored. Terribly bored. There was never anything she wanted to do, school was out for the summer, and the days took forever to pass her by, each with seemingly less to do than the day before. What time she had was spent wasting away in front of the tv, watching reruns half heartedly while keeping the windows shuttered so that there was no glare to interupt the shows that she did not really care about.

She pushed the mouse across the screen and double clicked on the icon for her messenger program, in hopes that some chat would take her boredom away. It never did, but there was always the hope that she woud run into someone interesting. Her fingers tapped liesurely as she searched for someone worth talking to in the directory. Profile after profile slipped by, each one looking almost all too similar to a thousand others. Too young, too old, too obscene. All her friends were offline, and even when they were online, they had just as much to say as she did, which was nothing at all.

"hey," they would say. "whats r u doing?"

"nm, u?" She tapped the answer out lazily on the keyboard.

"nmhjc" The replies were always the same, every day, every few minutes in hopes that someone would be doing something, and that they could latch on for a bit and let someone entertain them for a while.

A profile apeared at the end of one of Clairissa's searches that was just so different from all of the rest:

Adventure1945
Gender: Unknown
Age: Old as time itself
Location: Wherever I am needed.
Occupation: None
Hobbies: Fixing boredom wherever it can be found.
News: I have a new adventure, message me, I have the solution for your boredom.

The picture attatched to the profile was of the cover to what looked like a user's manual, with the words too grainy to read. She hesitated at the oddness of the profile, a temptation to message Adventure1945 itched inside of her. Whoever it was, was certainly creative. There was no favorite quote on the profile or even any other fields filled out. Clairissa decided against it and turned off the computer and went to take another nap. It's what she always ended up doing for most of the day, it certainly didn't hurt anything.

* * *

To be continued...

Well, the brisket came out okay, even though I think I cooked it twice. It cooked at god knows what temperatures for 5 hours before going out while I was at work, though it had plenty of time to cool off before I got home, at which point it was too cool to have any idea how cooked it was on the inside, so I started the fire up again, because I was certain it wasn't finished, and by 12:30 the internal temp was up to 165 or 170 or so. That was only about four to five hours from room temperature... and so I have to wonder if it had been fully cooked earlier that day, and if I had cooked it twice. Either way, it was still absolutely delicious, nice and spicy hot, with the natural flavors of the meet still there. It was slightly tough though, personally, I have had much better, but I've had much worse to, I would say that it was middling restaurant grade.

On Saturday, Mike and I hung out with Matt Newman(who is home for the army for a bit before they send him to Iraq), Chris Brown, another friend of theirs, and his wife. We ate lunch at Taco Cabana, and from there Mike and I went to watch War of the Worlds, which I ended up liking quite a bit. In fact, I was really surprised how good it is. There are 2 scenes in the entire movie that steal from the basic theme of human helplessness and both of them create plot holes so that they can happen, one is worse than the other, but I was pissed at both of them. I was the only one, the rest of the theater was incredibly inspired and cheered and clapped at the scenes that I hated so much. Probably because they finally thought that humanity would be able to fight for itself. As if it needed to, and those of you who know the story know what I mean.

Sunday was pretty slow, ate lunch with Mike, and hung out at half priced books, and then, didnt do much at all.

Monday was a real treat, at dinner with Mike, George, a girl he used to date named Crystal, Kayla, and a girl she was babysitting named Marcy. After dinner we went to Marcia's appartment, and traveled around the town square, checking out shops, playing haky sack, and playing with freebies before headign back to the appartment. It was on the third story, and the balconies had an amazing view of the 15 minute fireworks show put on. We played games, and Justin and Cymeron were there. We played imagine iff. It was my first time and it was a ton of fun, every question is, "if (you can pick anyone you know) were (Something), what type of (something) would they be?" or similar with multiple choice, and everyone polled. Everyone had a blast, after that, it was really late and George took me home and we watched four episodes of invader zim before I went to sleep.

I'm really tired right now, but I'll stay awake till it's time to go home.

Well, today the brisket burns, and so far I feel that it is going badly, as I don't believe it has risen above 175 degrees in my pitt the entire time. I don't think that's hot enough to actually cook it, and if it is, it's certainly not going to be anywhere near ready by the time I get home. Maybe I'll finish it off in the oven, or maybe I'll start some more coals and throw some wood in, last time chuck looked, he said it looked just about burned out to him, which means it probably wont stay 175 for the next 4 hours. May mean a high heat finish, I'll just have to check it with my meat thermometer to see how it's doing.

But if it does badly, you heard it here first.

Anyway, I'm not teeeeeeeerribly worried, it's my first one and I'm learning a lot from it. I told my coworker, Larry, about cooking my brisket and he instantly shook his head and started telling me what was wrong with what I was doing. Then, he linked me to one of the greatest BBQ sites I have ever read, wait, scratch that, THE greatest BBQ site I have ever read, and probably will ever read.

The BBQ FAQ. It is simply the most comprehensive collection of questions and answers for all kinds of barbecue, how it's done, how it's done best, what is and isn't personal taste, how to do it, what to do it on(anything), and how to serve it. Larry wins the coolest link of the day award.

This brisket may come out really bad, or needing a lot of work before it's ready, but I will know much better what to do next time, and I will do it while I'm there to check the fire. But I still have small hopes for this one.

Watched House of Flying Daggers today. I really liked it. There were a lot of really wonderful elements to it, it certainly didn't make my greatest movie of all time list, but it was extremely well done. One of my favorite fights, and I can't even say why, is the one at the beginning, in the brothel.

Tonight I begin marinading my first brisket, tomorrow, I begin cooking it right before I leave for work, then hope Chuck will maintain the fire, at a low enough temperature, to cook it just right over the course of the entire day. I hope that a couple of things make this possible:

1) Not having to open the smoke chamber and let the heated smoke out
2) Not needing to burn at a high temperature

If I'm lucky, it wont be difficult to maintain a low smouldering fire and keeping the smoke inside the main chamber at 200 degrees or just below over the course of an eight hour period. If not, other measures can be taken, and it will at least be a start. If it doesn't work, I'll at least know and I'll be able to try again. I am really hoping that my peculiar luck, when it comes to... well... everything, will step in and what comes out of the smoker will be just perfect. It has happened before, and I wonder how unreasonable it will be to expect it to happen again?

I have Pink Floyd's The Wall, and I will probably watch that tonight with the lights of and the volume cranked up after I get back from taking my old grill to my dad's house with my dad. It really got its fond farewell last week with some brilliant fajitas and stuffed jalapenos as well as some roasted potatos. I got it only a little over two years ago, and it has been a really great learning experience for me. I loved every minute of it. I really need some better bolts for connecting the firebox to the new smoker, the ones they use just feel too thin and weak for my liking, there are also one or two other things that just make me feel like my old smoker came from a supperior company. But this one is really good in a lot of respects, and I absolutely can't wait to put it to really good use. I really hope that it serves me for at least as long as my last one did, though my dad and I will be working to fix it up, and maybe, they'll both get some really good use. Maybe I'll open up a restaurant and serve real BBQ. You never know.

Now that Paper Mario is finished, I can put my heart behind playing Conker's Bad Fur Day, which is an okay game. It's really funny, which is always a boost to a game that is merely okay, and I am really looking forward to more purely because of how creative the whole gameworld is, but overall I don't LOVE playing it so much as I enjoy what I remember from moment to moment about its cut scenes.

I feel like I have a short story in me, so don't be surprised if someday soon you find yourself reading a little piece of fiction here for no apparent reason at all, it's just been knawing at me from the inside out. I just want to write without any particular goal in mind, which sounds like a good idea.

Last night I had a really weird dream that this guy was killing people, he would focus on them and the more they got his attention, the more he would try, as a spider trying to bite them, or as something else. He was very shadowy. To be sure, that was not as weird as the ending. Dreams are full of incomplete stories, as full of them as any writer's desk is full of ideas that never get a second chapter, but what made this story in my head weird was that it had a complete arc to it with an ending. The ending itself is weird, but when you consider what it's like inside of a dream, it's not THAT weird, it is in fact more strange that ther was an ending at all. An alien of the stereotypical Grey variety stepped through the door, and acused the killer of being nothing more than a senseless murderer, and then killed him. I honestly don't know exactly what to think about that. On some levels that bothers me for reasons I can't really explain. Certainly it was a kind of relief. What ceeped me out more were some of the images of him as a spider.

Spiders have always made me feel afraid in a way I could never quite explain. I certainly am not arachnaphobic, and when they are very tiny they just don't seem as scary. But, I really don't like the thought of them on me. I really dont like pictures of them up close in national geographic. And believe me, I REALLY don't like how scary they are in general or that I'm afraid of them. I've certainly never lost my cool over a spider though. I just get chills way down in my core.

I need to rewatch "The Gods Must be Crazy" and the sequels. I loved that movie. I consider it the start of my cullinary life.

Well, last night I got brisket and beef ribs. I'm going to marinade them tonight I think, or tomorrow and then cook them, my first brisket. 8 hours at 200 degrees, then coat it in basting sauce and wrapped in tinfoil and into the oven for 2 hours. Here's hoping that it comes out tender and succulent.

Finished Paper Mario today. Ultimately it's a pretty good game, way too much cut scene in it for my taste, even though the game needs it to keep the combat from getting boring, I just wish there were a better solution. The puzzles are all fetch games, and that just gets boring. It felt better when I was solving real problems in the game instead of playing UPS Mario.

I have The Wall by Pink Floyd. I need to watch it.

***Cake***

* 5 egg whites
* 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
* 1 package yellow cake mix
* 3 egg yolks
* 3/4 cup orange juice
* 1/2 cup vegetable oil
* 1/4 cup frozen orange juice concentrate -- thawed
* 1 teaspoon grated orange peel

***Glaze***

* 2 cups confectioners' sugar
* 3 tablespoons orange juice

Directions:

Heat oven to 325 degrees.

For Cake: Place the egg whites and cream of tartar in a medium bowl.
Beat on high speed until stiff peaks form, about 2-3 minutes.

Place cake mix, egg yolks, orange juice, oil, orange ice concentrate
and orange peel in large bowl. Beat on low speed 1 minute. Stop.
Scrape down sides of bowl with rubber spatula. Increase speed to
medium. Beat 2 minutes. Batter should look well blended.

Turn beaten egg white out on top of batter. fold whites into batter
until mixture is light but well combined. Pour batter into ungreased
10" tube pan, smoothing top.

Bake for 45-50 minutes or until golden brown and top of cake springs
back when lightly pressed with tip of finger. Remove pan from oven and
immediately turn upside down on the neck of a glass bottle to cool for
1 hour. run long, sharp knife around edge of cake. Invert onto wire
rack. then invert again onto serving platter, right side up.

For Glaze: Place confectioners' sugar and orange juice in medium bowl.
Beat on low speed 1 minutes. Spread glaze over top and sides of cake.
Let glaze set for 20 minutes. Slice and serve.

Spent the night at my mom's last night and spent today kicking butt in Paper Mario. I'm almost finished with it, I'll probably beat it tomorrow. George is on his way over right now, when he gets here we're going to the grocery store to buy a brisket and seasoning in order to start smoking it for the next day or so, which should be totally awesome, slow cooked at 200 degrees for 24 hours or so to keep the juices inside till it's falling apart. I am really hoping that it comes out amazing.

I've also been doing a lot of reading lately. L.E. Modesitt Jr. rules.

Long weekend. Started off with spending the night at my mom's house on friday, I let her cut my hair. I like what she did, but I had some ideas that I think would have been much better. It's nice and short now, the heat doesn't bother me as much, I mean, I want long hair, but it's just not worth the pain. We watched a really lousy movie called Trauma, I wanted to watch something else, anything else really, but my mom insisted. It was about a guy who thought he killed his wife in a car accident, and is crazy and starts acting crazier and crazier till he kills some girl pretty much at random for no reason. LOUSY. I hated it. I'm going back tonight, I think alan wants to trade vehicles with me so that he can do some work on the truck, and I can't wait to go, because I left my gamecube there on saturday. So I haven't been able to finish the last 2 or 3 hours(tops) of Paper Mario.

After that I went home, and from home, Justin picked me up, and took me to go help him paint the rest of his house. On the way there we stopped at this really cool place that was pretty much a drive through convenience store inside of a barn that was just cool and funny. I got a 2 liter of Dr Pepper, though I probably should have gotten something healthier to drink. We got so much done, it's insane. They all but finished the bedroom before I got there and got a good start on the living room, but we finished both of those rooms, touched up around the whole house, did the trim, did most of the kitchen, and the cabinets, and they finally did finish on sunday, I think. We didn't stop till after one, and then we went to Cym's family's house, where her mom had made some AWESOME food. Stuffed crabs, greenbean, chicken, and sthrimp stir fry, garlic bread, and some awesome salad. If they keep feeding me like that, I'm going to start looking for things to go up there an help them out with, like mowing their lawn, or whatever. That food rocks, I kept expecting ninja waiters to hop out of the woods with a 30$ check for the food, but none came.

Justin drove me home, and then, I just stayed up all night on the computer. I had some real issues while I was painting, I suddenly got really shaky and had to put my brush down and my stomach got really queasy, and I couldn't stop thinking about that driver bleeding from his ear and looking around with his eyes. I called my dad and talked to him for a really long time till I was feeling much better. I talked to the police today and they wont tell me any information from their report over the phone without buying the report, no biggie, only six dollars, but it's already been 5 days that it's been unavailable, and they want WRITEN consent to get the report, and on top of that it will take 10 - 15 days to get the damn thing. If he's alive, I'll almost be pissed that I did so much worrying over nothing, and I'll kill him.

So then, I went shopping around about 2 on sunday, after eating a REALLY awesome sandwich at quizno's. I used a whole new recipe for fajitas, I'm told my old recipe is better, but I liked the way I cooked this one. So, in the future, I will use my old recipe, and seasonings, and I will soak the full breasts in that, then I will grill them whole, then slice them with the seraded knife. But not next week, next week I'm going to be cooking brisket, because I have a smoker, and so I can.

Going to slow roast it at looooooooow temps for 24 hours with applewood... going to make it nice and delicious and falling apart. Tons of people came, though the whole party ended pretty early, like 8 or so, about half the people showed up late, ate, then left early. Then a few showed up so late, after half the party was gone, while the other half was helping put my new smoker together, and just simply were not entertained enough to stick around. So, I feel it was a mediocre event, I've had much better parties with fewer people and plenty of good music for everyone to listen to, no one put on so much as a single song tonight.

After all of that, and everyone going home, I did some cleaning, then tripped over Sophie after the lights were out and sent her howling into the other half of the apartment. I crashed really early, and I feel like I needed it. I need some more sleep, and I think I'm going to crash early again tonight. For now, I'm going to keep reading the Towers of the Sunset.

Char Grilled Fajitas Marinade:

1/2 c White wine
4 chopped green chiles
2 cloves garlic minced or pressed
Juice of 2 limes
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp cilantro

Serve, and cook even, with all other things you would cook fajitas with and serve with.

I am sore all over, BTW, legs, arms, chest(still), and feet. Even my eyes hurt a little. It almost feels good, and in a way, it really does becaue it means I've been active this weekend, and I like that. I want to be an active person, like I'm constantly moving forward. Oh yeah, guest list for Sunday:

Jake
George
Jackson
Marcia
Marcia's sister(Beth, I think)
Kayla
Mike
Chris Brown
Heather
Zac
Justin
Cymmeron
Dad
Mary Ellen

People who bailed and who are no longer my bestest best friends:

Kevin

Oh, yeah, other minute trivia: Conker: Live and Reloaded is a lot of fun for people who have never played Conker's Bad Fur Day, and for those who have, and loved it, it's better than just replaying the original. I forgot to play the multiplayer while I had friend's over last night.

Special Thanks to those who aided in my efforts to construct my grill:

Zac
Jake
Jackson
George

This post was brought to you by:

The letter D

And remember, cookies are a sometimes food.

Well, it's been a very long week, and I'm feeling pretty good inspite of everything. All that's happening will shape out one way or another and I'll just have to accept what I can't change and work as hard as I can at what I can. It's not the end of the world. It's so odd having to say these words to myself, but it helps. Anyway, tonight I'm spending the night at my mom's house, which won't kill me, I do love her, and Alan is okay too. It's been very nice of them to loan me their truck to get through this time, but I'd like to have my own vehicle as soon as possible, which means dealing with insurance, and waiting till the police report is turned in from the accident.

Some time next week I should get some pretty solid closure to all of this mess. At the very least, in the very worst case scenario, I still KNOW what happened, and how the guy I hit is doing by wednesday. Anyway, I'm going to head to my mothers now, and then, I have some pretty fun plans for sunday.

Well, today is pretty good, I'm sore all over but mostly tired. I'm going to spend the night at my mom's. Tomorrow I get my tooth looked at by another dentist. Life, I guess. I just want to go to sleep, for real.

Well, this weekend was really cool, it started off with ariving in Dallas early, though I got a call from my dad's dentist office and they made an appointment on tuesday, and going to my grandparent's anniversary dinner at an awesome mexican restaurant. The menu was so incredible, I really felt like everything was great and I was actually attracted most to one of the cheapest dishes on the menu, and I was NOT disapointed by how awesome it was. I forget the name but it was 2 rather large spicy chicken burritos, one with cheese sauce covering it evenly, the other with green sauce, and the flavors occassionaly mixed. It was simply delicious, I could eat there again. Followed that up with a REALLY nice flan, that had a really interesting texture, it was like inverted tapioca in that it had many hollows... the texture was very similar but different, and the flavor was outstanding.

After that we cellebrated my birthday and I got the last of my birthday presents, some spices from grandma and grandpa with my birthday card. They are so awesome that words do not even surprise, they have overwhelmed me this birthday. Aunt Karen got me an instant read meat thermometer with a really awesome feature, it has markings on it that let you know when speciffic meats are done, so that you don't have to know that information by heart while you're cooking, she also got me some kababs, which will also get a ton of use, as well as a 20lb bag of charcoal for cooking with, that she almost gave me for christmas till someone pointed out that she would be giving me coal for christmas, and she just couldn't do that, so she waited six months. Saturday was fairly subdued as everyone was out doing their own thing, so I just played on my gamecube and finished reading the Dharma of Star Wars. I liked that book, it really gave me quite a bit to think about, I had never tried to actually understand Buddhism before, and it is quite an appealing philosophy, though it is in no way a religion.

I got my 5th star in Paper Mario, which I am LOVING. Genuine romantic love. There is a reason cds have those holes in the center. I think I have found the love of my life, if only I can find a priest who approves of that, but somehow, I think it would be easier if I were just gay instead of a technophile. Most people look at pornography in the bathroom when they're young, as for me, I always snuck a copy of wired or technology today in with me.

Anyway, the whole day ended up being fairly subdued, a little celebration of father's day, with lots of chatting, my sister came over for a while, and we made plans to see Batman Begins on sunday, which didn't happen, but it was nice making plans. On sunday she got there too late, so we just went and ate at the Rainforest Cafe for her bday, and did some shopping. I got her Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory by Dahl, and The Mysterious Island by Jules Verne.

After all the shopping, we split ways, each of us with our lightning cups and went home. Dad and Mary Ellen got pizza when we got back from Dave's Pizza, which really rocked, until my crown came out while chewing, it had been sticking in my mouth quite well and so I had been leaving it in so that I could eat, and I bit down on it with my real teeth and it shattered like a piece of hard candy. My other teeth didnt even hurt, I only knew because of the crunch that didnt belong in the middle of the pizza. Real teeth rock. and I really can't wait to get a new crown, because i cant even imagine a prosthetic being even close to having a real tooth at the core considering what my real teeth did to that crown.

And then the rest I think I covered yesterday. THe dentist thought they were just going to cement my crown right back in, but crunch crunch gone, and also there was a miscommunication. It was decicded that what happened didnt matter because it was time for a whole new permanent crown to cover my tooth anyway, since my other crown was given to me at 11.

Anyway, George came over last night and we ate at bennigan's, I love it there, and chatted and I'm still driving my mom's truck, which is working fine. I'm going to go have a good day now, and feel better, I'm still pretty horribly sore all over, though less so. People keep telling me this is supposed to get worse. I guess I'll see in a few days. I really hope the other guy is okay. I don't even know who he is, all I can do is call him the other guy. I've made some bad jokes to help cope, please, don't get offended at me, I really don't mean anything I say that's mean.

Well, It's pretty clear by now that I didn't post last night. I had every intention to, I had a very good weekend for the most part, but on my way to my mom's house after work I was in a very serious car accident. I was not hurt but I believe the other driver was, we were both taken to the hospital very quickly and I do not know everything that is going on, except that it is looking like it is the other driver's fault.

I was going down loop 610 west bound and a car was stopped in traffic and pulled across 3 lanes right in front of me, I had no where to swerve and I struck him on the driver's side. He was pretty seriously hurt it looked like, unconcious most of the time, bleeding from his left ear down his neck, not talking, but the medics told me not to worry about it and that he was going to be okay. I was wearing my seatbelt and had managed to slow to about 35 or 45, and so I was able to walk away. Though I went to the hospital anyway to get checked out. The taped me to a board and loaded me up, then drove me as fast as they could to the emergency room and delivered me just like a fedex package. They x-rayed my chest, and checked my pulse and my blood pressure 20 times, and my ekg and everything looked safe and sound, which was really cool, all together the copay for the particular hospital I was at(I understand it's lucky they took me to the one they did) was only 50 for the services and another 20 for some pain medication which I have yet to need. My mom came and picked me up around 10 pm and took me to her house after getting me dinner. I love her so much, and her and her husband Alan let me borrow their truck till my transportation is all sorted out. That's really going to help me stay on my feet.

This morning I took it to go to my dentist appointment, where he gave me a 634$ estimate for a new tooth and told me that my real tooth was in good enough shape and had such excellent work on it that I could eat normally even without a cap till it was fixed. After that I payed 124 to get my stuff out of my car, wrecker fees, it's still in the lot gaining fees for being there. After that, off to work and then, eventually home. At work I spent a lot of time talking to the insurance claims investigator. I hope they find it is that guys fault, so that I can get some real help getting back on my feet. More.. I really hope that guy is okay, I don't often talk about my religion on here, but, I am going to pray for him.

Well, I've been at work since 7 am this morning, I've played on the gamecube and I've read from my book and I watched bits of House of Flying Daggers. On the way to work I got a horrible scare when my crown came off after maybe 10 years on my tooth. It doesn't look very healthy underneath either, and I don't know how much it will cost to fix or what will have to be done about it, and I'm really quite worried. Anyway, I'll be spending this weekend at my grandparents', hopefully. Depends on when my coworker is showing up out here. If he shows up too late, I just miss the ride with my dad to go up there.

Alan should finally be out of all surgery today, after the initial precedure for the pancreaitis, they felt they needed to remove his gall bladder, and so I believe they did that yesterday morning.

Anyway, this tooth thing scares the crap out of me. I don't know if I have enough money to fix it or if I'll have to take a loan. Either way, there's nothing I can do till tuesday next week.

Just found out that I can leave in plenty of time for the weekend, and so, to all of those who I would normally be seeing all weekend long, I'll miss you and I'll see you later.

Got my smoker today, picked it up in the morning, but forgot to buy a cover for it, and had to go back in the evening to pick one up, it cost 40 dollars, which surprised me. Didnt have enough time to put it all together, the day is moving slowly, I need to go to sleep though since I have to be up and at work by 7 am so that I can visit grandparents over the weekend.

Batman Begins begins tonight! It will be on the IMAX, formatted for the IMAX and it will be vunderbar! I think Mike will go, but so far, no one else may be able to, Jackson might too though. And, I have a new grill coming to me, I'm going to make the arangements today to have it picked up by tomorrow. It's a combination of my birthday, christmas and next birthday's present, so this grill is going to be.. quite simply.. amazing. It has a firebox for smoking, ash trays to use it as a direct heat grill, drip pans, thermometer. I haven't seen it yet, but I am seriously stoked. I AM going to give my old grill one last goodbye cookout. It deserves it, it's over 2 years old and it's served me well through countless bbqs, I really love it, and I feel that it's crash the other day is the saddest thing in the world.

Jackson just called and said he can't make it, if Mike can't either, I just wont go. Cest la vi, perhaps another day.

Oh well, and yeah, I did something really stupid last night, if you know me, ask me about it, if you don't, trust me, you don't want to know.

It's been a very long weekend with lots of twists and turns. Started off with hanging out for Zac's birthday, we all went to go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which was an awesome movie... George had to watch a totally different showing because he decided to, once again, not show up until the movie was starting, and, in this case, sold out. After the movie we all split ways and went home. While I was at the mall though, I picked up a pair of chinese medicine balls that had elephants on them. My dad loves elephants and it was an unusual patern.

Saturday was a bit of a disaster. It started off well, I met Mike for lunch at 12, and I shopped around the coffee bean emporeum. I really love that place. After that we got back to my apartment, and my dad helped me set up the shelf, which, worked really well, doing a good job of holding everything up. Though, on monday, my parsley died from exposure. I am still hoping it's roots are good and it will grow back though. After that, Mike and I went to Fry's to try and find a Machintosh version of Unreal Tournament 2004, which, no one seemed to have, and we didn't get back till later than we needed to. George had already been there and helped chuck load my grill up into my truck, and then as soon as we could we sped off, me leading the way, turning onto 1960 and spilling my grill out into the road, scratching all the paint, destroying the wheel axel beyond repair, breaking the thermometer, damaging the smoke pipe, breaking the seal and slamming it inside the grill some, breaking off the smoke pipe cover, smashing the handel. We eventually got it to George's house, and it was in just good enough shape to smoke the ribs his dad bought, and I made some pesto with fresh herbs from my garden, along with a strawberry jalapeno dipping sauce for the ribs, which everyone made fun of me for, until they tried it.

No games went on that night, George's network refused to let the third computer play with us, no matter what we did, even after we got Return to Castle Wolfenstein installed on all three computers. We eventually gave up and went home, the grill stayed behind till I picked it up on Monday. The next day Justin had asked all of us if we would go out and help him paint the little delapidated building he will soon be calling home. He can't fix any of the real problems with it, the holes in the floor leading to the outside, the waterdamage on, well, everything, but we were able to get half of it painted nice and white by the end of the day. Before I went out to help, though, I went to visit Alan in the hospital, he has pancreaitis, and is having his surgury on wednesday. Mom got some fuzzy slippers, and some candy, and a card that I wrote some things on that I hoped would make him feel really loved and she let me give those to him while she gave him some other things.

We worked really hard painting, it was the first time I ever did anything like that, by the time I was done my arms were sore. Cym's mom was an awesome cook, she made us a shrimp and lobster salad, with salmon, and served it with some fresh green onions and balsamic vinigar. We talked about cooking and she told me how to make stock, and soup bases, and gave me some really excellent recipes. Then after we were all done painting for the day, we jumped into the water and had a swim, and there was strawberry shortcake waiting for us. The whole thing was extremely fun, and I had a really great day. I would go back and help out more next week, but I will probably be out of town, visiting my grandparents and my sister on her bday.

Monday, I got my grill back, and then George and I caught the 10:20 of Madagascar, which was, by all rights, an awesome movie. I love the lemurs. Today, I don't have a lot of plans, I'm going to see what happens.

Another one of those days where I was way too busy to post the events that transpired over the weekend... I promise to give a full recap at work, first thing in the morning. it's 2 am, I love how blogger gives the west coast time. Anyway... amuse yourselves till tomorrow, one way or another...

Well, I missed my post yesterday. At the expense of a several week period of missing NOTHING, even making a saturday post, in fact, I have faltered. To be fair, I was dead tired after a week of enduring fun and friends till five in the morning. I've written about it all here, and so help me, every minute of it was worth it, but... I was really ready for a break. I slept a long time last night, and I still felt a little short changed. I could use some more tonight, so I'll try to get home fairly fast after meeting Zac for his birthday. I really think that I may do almost nothing this weekend, just for a breather, next weekend should be back to normal for another year, though. Either way, I missed my blog.

Wednesday, was George's birthday, and I have yet to give him a present, though I feel I earned my delay, in that he has not yet gotten me one, and two, I did cook chicken for him on wednesday using more and more fresh ingredients from my garden. Sage is a beautiful flavor, and fresh cayenne pepper really adds something. Everyone liked the chicken, even Mike had good things to say. Chris was unable to make it, and he left yesterday morning to fly to his next post.

1/4 cup paprika
2 tbsp brown sugar
2 tbsp garlic salt
1 tbsp ground mustard
1 tbsp fresh ground pepper
1 tbsp dried oregano
1 tbsp onion powder
2 tbsp ginger powder
1 tbsp minced sage, can be fresh or dried
and, based on your taste... a little bit of cayenne pepper.. 1 1/2 tsp can be good.. but if you dont like hot... go for less.

Sprinkle it onto the chicken... pretty liberally, till it's got a nice coat, get both sides, then cover and refrigerate for 10 minutes to an hour, the longer the better within reason... then cook it till it's done, if you're doing something simple like boneless skinless breasts (best to use skinless meat or to get it under the skin of meat with the skin) you cook it for about 10 to 15 minutes per side, then flip it over and brush it with honey for 3-5 minutes on either side... if you overcook it, it will be a little dry... so use your best judgement, it will still be awesome though.

Next time I make chicken though, I think I'm going to change up the entire recipe and maybe go for a tea leaf rub and use some basil and lemon thyme to give it more of a cultured kick rather than the southwestern touch. Lemon thyme is going to be the theme though, it should match the chicken really well, and I really can't wait to give it a try.

Dad is coming over tomorrow, so we're going to get my herb garden set up where it will get plenty of sunlight, and then we're going to have some ice cream and chat for a while.

Tonight, I will be finding out what is happening for Zac's birthday party. I think he may just want to play Star Wars Galaxies all night long, which, frankly, is fine by me, I can do that from home. The Dharma of Star Wars is turning out to be really good, I am loving it. I really enjoyed the bits about mindfulness most, they made me contemplate how well I focus on the things I am doing, and made me wonder how often I am carelessly damaging something or hurting someone. It made me really want to be more mindful of my actions and strive to be better in all that I do.

Scott has been giving me some good lessons lately about problems, specifically NP-Hard problems and problems of NP-Completeness. It's really fascinating stuff, but given the hectic nature of the week, the lessons have been split up.

Anyway, suffice to say, all my gaming has been put on hold, but tonight I might just be playing Star Wars Galaxies all night with Zac online as he is not going to have internet for a while after tomorrow, so, I say, get the most out of it while you can, after all, it is your birthday!

Anyway... I'm going to cut out saying, I love my herb garden, it is so much deliciousness to use with anything.


As the blood dried on his face, crustin in the gashes across his nose and down his cheeks, the soldier stood firm while the dark man in front of him painted. The yellows and blues and greens mixed with the crusting red of his own blood as the preparation continued. The night was dark, and the only light was the brightness of the torch laying symbolically in the short grass at his feet. Somehow, his own name seemed lost, and he was unable to recall who he was. The dark man spoke words that seemed to transcend language as they floated through the air. There were spirits in this place, in this dark field.

We are what we do, the dark man said, his features made bright by the light of the torch, the whites of his eyes seemed alive amid his mud caked face. He told the soldier that a name is at the very best a reflection of what all living beings find inside of themselves. His lips moved with grace as he told the soldier how when he knew his true self, he would again know his own name. The soldier understood none of these words, and yet the meaning seemed to ring clear through him.

The dark man took up the torch and extinguished it into the earth, blinding the soldier with the sudden absence of light. In less than a moment there was a searing hot pain in his right thigh, in its most sensitive spot close to the hip, the heat and pain spread and his vision began to become spotted before he fell to his knees, the torch removed from his flesh but the pain still so strong as a fever overtook his mind and he passed from conciousness.

Well, last night was pretty stressful, trying to iron out plans, Mike wanted to eat at Outback, and Chris wanted to eat at his house, which is where I ended up eating, but it was stressfull, because Chris also wanted to have the lan party last night. I would have done it for Chris, because he's a good friend and he has to leave on thursday, as stressful,and as much work as it would have been to just start at like eight in the evening, I would have done it. Either way, I still didnt get to sleep till 2:30, which felt early, and I feel great today, but i'm starting to get a headache.

Kevin gave me and George bday presents, and we hung out with Chris till late and I made more orange candy for the party tonight, which should be pretty cool. Anyway, I'm going to go... let my head heal, and I am DEFINITELY going to sleep at 10 tomorrow, if not earlier.

Well, last night, though very rushed, busy, and otherwise totally consuming of myself, was incredible. And please, don't take me at face value when I say I was so busy all night long that it hurt. I love to be busy from time to time, and cooking a meal for all of my friends, and hearing whispers of how good the food is really makes a day for me. How much do I love it? Let me count the ways, in order of appearance(to the best of my memory):

1)Jake
2)George
3)Jackson
4)Kevin
After this it gets a lot fuzzy:
5)Marcia
6)Tera
7)Kayla
8)Teruwah
9)Chris
10)Steve
11)Dad
12)Mary Ellen
13)Zac
14)Mike
15)Justin

Started off the evening by leaving work about 30 minutes early since I knew I would be on a tight schedule and I didn't even have any of the food bought yet, I normally would have done that the day before, but it has been a very hectic week with Chris in town and spending time with him, which, though fun, has been very time consuming, and has kept me up late nights. I'll live, but sometime in the next day or so, I really need some very good rest after this weekend.

I met Jake at EB Games and George arived there shortly afterword, we then went straight to the grocery store where I bought 74 dollars worth fo food to cook at the party. That is a record number, or maybe not, and I just don't know it because usually so many people help split the bill(which I absolutely did not want happening last night, my party, my gift to all of my friends), which makes me appreciate them that much more. We got fresh chicken, drinks, potatoes, corn, chips, disposable silverware, jalapenos, cheese and bacon for stuffing the jalapenos, and plenty of other things. Got home and immediately began working hard at getting the food ready for everyone, it sadly didn't come off the grill till 10, and that was because I had some rub already premade from my last grill and it didn't need remaking in order to season the meat.

I also had plenty of help with almost everything, from shucking the corn to skewering the garlic rosemary potatoes. I had bought 4 packages of chicken but only used 2, the other 2 should get used over at Georges house during his bday on wednesday, and it should be really good. Teruwah showed up fairly late, but so much more than welcome, I love my sister, and it's been so long since I've seen her, and she saved my butt by bringing enough rosemary for the potatoes from dad's house, and she got me a really wonderful present, a painting that she did on a very, very tiny canvas, and a manaquin to go with my other one, only much smaller.

Most everyone watched Team America: World Police while I got the food ready, which I was unable to watch, too busy, I'll probably watch it tomorrow or something. I liked what little I caught of it. Also, way later someone brought out Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a really awesome movie from the same guy who did Being John Malkovitch, another really awesome movie, and we watched that. The party didn't start to break up until midnight, and didn't die down completely until 3:30 in the morning. It was so great having almost everyone there. It really made me feel good, and so I have to say it was one of my favorite birthdays ever, and I'm really glad Chris just happened to be back for that.

I also showed everyone the video for Prey from E3, which was totally mind blowing, I'll link to it another day, but it looks like to half life, as half life looked to all other games in 1998.

Anyway, I also played Star Wars: Galaxies right before bed, and created my bothan character Marianas Trench. I'll play some more tomorrow, maybe finally with Zac this time around. Anyway, I'll write about what happened tonight tomorrow, it's been a really long day, I havent gotten to sleep before 5 am since last thursday, and I am in desperate need of rest. Have a good night.

Very very awesome weekend, you already know about Cindarella Man on saturday, on friday though, things ended after hanging out with Chris and Joe by watching the movie Anchorman with Will Ferrel, which made me laugh till my sides hurt. It was physicly painfull to laugh that hard. I shared my hot sauce wealth with Chris. Then, on saturday, I went to dinner at 5 with my Mom, and her Husband, they treated me to a delicious dinner at Asian City's Hibatchi Grill, wich was extremely wonderful and they got me the Steak and Chicken special, and a necklace. I really would write so much more about it except that I have put this off and I am now in a hurry to write it all before I get going to start the festivities for tonight.

After that I picked up Chris and we went to Half Priced Books, where he got a copy of Blood Rayne for him, and an adventure game that I picked up, but don't remember the name of, for me. Then we went to the mall, and hung out, where I bought Star Wars Galaxies, which I, tragically, have yet to play despite it being monday because I have been so busy. We met Zac there, and I got him a birthday cd with the money he gave me to get me glaxies as a present, so consider it a sort of gift exchange where we both get what we want. After that we went to see Cindarella Man, Chris, Zac, Emily, and I, and you know how that went.

Sunday was much the same, with lots of sleeping until it was time to go meet my dad at six in the evening. Mike called me to invite me to go hang out with him and Chris at the mall, but I was asleep when they called. When they finally did get through I told them my phone didn't even get the calls(I thought it hadn't, apparently I checked wrong because later I looked and it showed that it had), and it was too late for me to go. I went straight to my dad's house after playing some Paper Mario, and they gave me my presents, some VERY cool ones I might add. A T-Shirt with the M&M characters done up as Darth Maul, Emperor Palpatine, Vader, and Dooku, that says dare to go to the Dark Side, the star wars Mpire. Awesome shirt, a brush for sauces that has a bottle and feeds the brush, a fresh pepper grinder and fresh peppercorns for it, a stuffed jalapeno holding grill tool in the shape of texas, The Dharma of Star Wars(which is an awesome book on buddism), and an herb garden! I tell you, the herb garden ROCKS... Serranjo peppers, basil, lemon thyme, parsley, sage, orange mint, chives, oregano, and the rosemary they already gave me, plus a shelf that I can raise them on in my porch area! Woohoo! Then they took me to the other nearby hibatchi restaurant, H.B.'s Japanese Steak house, which was equally awesome, I had the orange roughy which was.. so tender it was falling apart. Then after that we talked about herbs and I let them try my Retsina wine, and my meade, which they both loved, I served the meade with a leaf of orange mint in each glass. I am going to love cooking with herbs fresh from my garden, it is one of the coolest gifts ever, and I really love it.

After that I picked up Chris, who made departure plans for thursday, and we went to my house and watched 12 MOnkies which was awesome after getting snacks at Walmart. I got back home after dropping him off afterward around about 4 am, so, again, no time for galaxies, maybe tonight, after the festivities which I will fill you in on tomorrow. Adieu.

I find it interesting that the only feeling I can think of that does not dull after feeling it too much is envy. If anything, the pressence of the object of envy and the prominant feeling of it seems only to make it stronger. Joy, sadness, fear, wonder, all other feelings seem to wane as though they were each a day and that their onset promised nothing more than their end, and that between those two moments, the beginning and the end, anything could happen. But envy... envy can never be satiated, it never wans or fades or grows old. In truth, I loathe my envy, and yet I constantly find new things that seem worthy of it. When I see someone experiencing something for the first time, I envy that they have yet to be dulled to it. I yearn, in my sould, to feel things as though they are always new, even if I have experienced them a thousand times.

This is a wandering thought, but it aslo happens that from time to time, I also feel like my life deserves meaning. Of all the grand ways in which that phrase has been used, I mean to say, value and lasting purpose. Now, certainly many turn to God, or to any number of outside forces to give them purpose, and while I certainly believe that it is totally personal to me whether I believe in God or not(ha! you thought I was going to tell you what I believed! n00b!) but whether or not it matters in the grand scheme of how things work, I believe that my belief matters. Either I believe in God and there is a God, and nothing changes because God was never one to put off planning someone's meaningless demise even though they believed in him, and the same outcome is true if I don't believe in God, and it's also true if I believe, but there is no God, and yet equally true if I don't believe and there is no God. In a way, it's almost bleak to think about it. So, meaning, is what your life is left with when it's over with, what other people get out of it. I want to be a good person, a better person than maybe I really can be. So help me, I will strive for it. I want to be the type of person I dreamed of when I was six, honest to a fault, strong of character, and ambitious. I want to have so much spirit it bursts out of my seams and does things that I should not be capable of doing. I want to make other people's lives better. I think, that should I live to be a thousand and have do nothing for anyone, then I would have been better dying tomorrow for a trivial cause. I expect neither is neccessary.

Extremes always make me wonder. They never seem to be right. I find myself often pondering them and even supporting them in favor of alternatives, but always in retrospect I discover that I don't really support them. There is not always a correct course of action, often this comes when no matter what you do, someone suffers. I love hypothetical situations in that they can make you feel like crap over things that would never happen. Such as, if it rested on your shoulders would you save 1 million people, or 5 hundred thousand people among whom was someone you loved, such as your mother, or your father or your wife or your child, or would you through inacction allow 1 million 5 hundred thousand to die?

It will never happen, you will never have to make that decision, but it drives you nuts in the emotional catch of the problem.

I have also been thinking, that nothing done through anger or hatred is done well. I certainly still believe that often things must die, and that it is still essential that often people are thrown into such conflict that they must fight and maybe die for what they believe is right or for what they want, but, I believe that it can be done with passion that is not driven through anger or hatred. Necessity is a far more powerful motivation than anything else I can imagine, as well as a wall. It may look passionless when it's done, on the surface, often someone doing something unusual, or particularly important would seem to be cold and distant. I think, that this is a most incredible act, to seperate yourself from everything you feel about what you're doing, and do only what you have to. I could imagine just as much damage being done out of love as I can out of hate, as Robert Frost put it, Fire or Ice. One wonders though, if it's the same event, why does anyone care how it happens?

I saw Cindarella Man tonight, and I thought it was a really beautiful movie, I shed a single tear from each eye right before the final fight started I was so moved by the plight and attitude of Jim. It was inspiring and it made me do a lot of thinking and pondering and poetic lines flowed through my head. This is certainly going to stew inside of me for a long time. Anyway, I don't normally do saturday updates, but I was particularly inspired. It's very late, so have a good night.

Well, I'm looking forward to some very cool things this weekend, and I have my birthday party on monday. Things should get pretty interesting. Tonight I'll be seeing Cindarella Man with Chris. Maybe. If he bother's to call. He's in town till wednesday and then I may not see him for 6 months or 2 years. Frankly, it will be a crime if he doesn't show up at my birthday. But he's invited, and it's his crime to comit. Anyway, I'm going to have a good time, one way or another. Adieu.

Played Paper Mario all day. I really enjoyed it, and I had some really good convos and even had some people comment on my poetry. Makes me want to write more. But I don't know if it would express as much feeling.



The tall grass acted as a curtain all around Brutus as he marched out into the field, a fellow soldier on either side, each only a few feet away, and yet for that they might as well have been a million miles away given the thickness of the tall green but yellowing blades. The flickering orange shades of the setting sun fading as the glints on his well polished and cared for armour as he marches forward, listening to the harsh rustling on either side as he tries to keep pace, a growing sense of uneasiness swelling in his chest with each forward step, the looming pressence of many fellow officers, the haunting question of what they were running from...

Started this weekend out with a bbq that my dad and his wife were invited to. It was really nice, I got all the food done on time, had to cook late, so everyone ended up eating at nine, since friday was the only possible day to do it with my dad, and I didn't get home till 7:30. Well, I was shocked and awed to find out that Chris was in town from the army and had just gotten back earlier that day, so I rushed over and picked him up and brought him back to eat and hang out, Mike showed up and everything was fun. The food was awesome, and I liked talking with everyone, but I forgot to let dad try my wines and orange cognac.

Despite all plans, saturday ended up just doing nothing all day long, except playing Paper Mario, which happens to be an extremely cool game, which I would like to own.

Later in the evening I went over to Chris' house and we watched Escape from New York, an aweful movie, if ever there was one. After that I went to sleep kindof early. On sunday, I got the parts to fix Tera's computer, and I took Chris to Fry's, though he wasn't happy about not going to see Star Wars, I had forgotten to tell him we were grilling instead. Anyway, we took him home after grocery shopping, and then, we got totally rained out, I'm talking flooded out of grilling, I didn't even go over to Marcia's house to do anything.

On monday, I relaxed, played lots more Paper Mario, and then went and checked Mike's house, and fixed Tera's computer, then off to a bbq at Marcia's family's house with Jackson, and then from there, to swimming at Marcia's complex. Tons of fun. Then, at 9:30 Zac gave me a call and asked me to go meet him for dinner, so funny, he was with a friend at Hooters, they had never been and decided to randomly try it out, the perves. They managed to offend the waitress before I even got there. I tried the wings just to see if they were worth it, they weren't, but I got to talk about star wars all night long, which was totally kick ass. After that I went home, and, you guessed it, played Paper Mario all night.

Then, last night, I had a midnight grill, started cooking the food at 12:30, ate at 1:00 am, it was delicious chicken, I LOVED it. Jake was the only one who came for it.